“It’s a sad fact that some Variants don’t need much incentive to go astray. The same Variation that gifts us with extraordinary talents unfortunately sometimes brings with it a predisposition for mental instability. Ryan was one of those volatile Variants. Abel’s Army is particularly interested in them.”
“But why?”
Major stared down at his hands—breaking eye contact. “Abel has always been of the opinion that the FEA’s practice to confine volatile Variants if they’re a danger to the public is wrong. He thinks there are other ways to keep them under control, or that their instability can be useful. And it must be said that many Volatiles are gifted with extraordinary Variations and that whoever manages to use them will have a great advantage.”
“So what does the FEA do with volatile Variants? Are they always sent to prison?”
“No. There’s no certain way to ascertain if someone’s volatile, but if there’s a history of mental illness in the person’s background, that’s a red flag. With the right guidance, though, we could have kept Ryan under control. That’s why we try to find Variants as young as possible.”
“I think Ryan actually loved Madison,” I said quietly.
“He might’ve loved her, and maybe things would have been different if they hadn’t broken up. Maybe it was his tipping point and everything spiraled out of control from there. But we will never find out. The fact is, he got drunk on the power his Variation gave him and that was his greatest downfall.”
I nodded.
Major gave me a pointed look. “Emotions are a dangerous thing, Tessa. It’s best to keep them under your control at all times.”
He made a dismissive gesture and I heaved myself out of the chair. I turned before I reached the door. “Sir, as I’m sure you know, Madison’s funeral is in a few days. I’d like to go to say goodbye. I think it would help me get over everything that’s happened.”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot allow that.”
“But Sir, I wouldn’t give myself away. I would be careful not to be seen.”
“I’m not trying to be cruel, Tessa. I understand your rationale, but I don’t think your being there would be wise. It wouldn’t accomplish anything and I think you should stay put for a while.”
His expression made it clear that no amount of pleading would change his mind.
I bit my lip and turned around, hoping he hadn’t seen how much his refusal hurt me.
“You did well, Tessa. Everyone thinks that. I know you’re upset and confused and maybe you even feel a bit guilty, but what you did was honorable. The FEA is trying to protect the general public and you did your part. Soon you’ll see it that way, too.”
I hoped he was right.
It was five a.m. when I finished my first lap in the pool. I was grateful for the solitude. The sound of a door falling shut broke through my concentration and I swam to the edge of the pool, looking for the source. Alec watched me from afar. He was wearing black pajama pants. I doubted he planned on swimming in them. I swam toward the ladder and climbed out of the pool, careful to keep my arms in front of my body and the heinous mark I didn’t want him to see. “What are you doing up so early?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” he said. “And I saw you heading for the pool. I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”
The sound of water lapping over the edge of the pool filled the silence. I couldn’t look away from his eyes even though I wanted to, couldn’t move even though I wanted to bridge the few steps between us. I dropped my arms and stared up at the ceiling, wishing for words, breaking the spell of his gaze.
Alec sucked in a breath. I blinked at him through my wet lashes, wondering what the matter was until I realized what he was staring at. The red A cut into my skin peeked out from under my swimsuit. I covered it with my palm and turned to walk away, my skin aflame with anger and mortification. His hands on my shoulders stopped me. I closed my eyes, hating how much my body still craved his touch, how it overwhelmed me every time he was close, even though I’d tried so many times to forget him. He spun me around and gently pushed my hand aside.
“You don’t know how much I wish he wasn’t dead. How much I wish I could kill him myself.”
The viciousness of his words mingled with the roughness of his voice washed over me, filling me with a strange sense of relief.
Gently he touched his fingers to the mark. “Does it still hurt?”
The question felt weird coming from Alec. I looked up at him, not caring if he caught the emotion in my eyes. “Nothing ever hurt as much as watching you with Kate and you telling me that our first kiss, my first kiss, was a mistake.”