I only did that to be an asshole.
Because I am that. I’m an asshole. I’m a petty asshole who wanted to get back at her for not remembering my name yesterday.
I was right to say no to her. In the beginning, I mean. I should’ve stuck to that decision and let her find some other tutor. But then, she looked at me with those eyes and…
Her fucking eyes.
Her fucking hair.
Her.
Damn it.
What is it about her that affects me so much? That makes my chest tight and heavy. That makes me so fucking protective and at the same time forget all basic decency and become this uncontrolled douchebag who goes around attacking people’s mouths.
Well, her mouth.
Her gorgeous, full lips that she keeps biting on when she’s nervous.
Great job, asshole. Rape-kissing her like that.
I mean, I should get the hint, yeah?
She is not interested.
Which is as it should be.
First, she’s a student; I don’t consort with students who are in the class that I’m TAing for. On top of that, now I’m going to be her tutor. Second, I’ve got things to do. I’ve got my own course load, my own classes. Plus I’m leaving next year for med school.
I need to think about that.
My future.
Something I’ve worked really hard for.
I’ve got no business wasting time on a girl with light brown hair and big brown eyes who for some reason drives me goddamn crazy with her nervous twitches and shy smiles.
Even so, I’m doubling back.
I’m walking toward her apartment building after just saying goodbye to her.
What can I say? I’m a stalker, too.
But only because I followed her home a couple of times just after she’d gotten back from Heartstone, hoping to make sure she was okay. And as soon as I saw her get through that glass door with a bunch of buzzers on the side, I left.
I’m not leaving tonight though.
I’m standing in front of her building, watching it like a creep. I’m wondering if I should push one of those buzzers and talk to her, make sure she’s okay after how I… how I forced my kiss on her.
She’s fragile, man. She’s so fucking fragile and you’re a douchebag.
I’m about to do just that when I notice a movement in one of the windows on the second floor. My feet come to a stop when I realize it’s her.
Penelope.
Fuck, even her name is beautiful.
As beautiful as her.
And right now, in this moment, I think — I know — that I’ve never seen anyone more beautiful than her.
Because she’s laughing.
She’s thrown her head back, her light brown hair tied up in a messy bun, and her tight little body is shaking with mirth. I fist my hands as I remember how soft she was. Her skin, her hair.
Her lips.
I’ve never seen her like this. Laughing with abandon, so carelessly. I’ve never seen her so relaxed, so fucking happy.
When she’s in class, she’s always nervous, jittery. Like she can’t wait to get out of there.
And as I stand here, watching her through her window, I decide that I’ll be damned if I cause her any more problems, any more grief.
Professional.
That’s what I’m going to be.
No useless dinner invitations; no touching her. Definitely no kissing her.
I’m going to leave her alone and teach her fucking biochemistry so she never has to be afraid again.
Chapter Five
“Can I talk to you a second?”
He looks up at my words, his piercing green eyes honing in on me.
I must look like a mess; my hair all strewn about my face, my cheeks all red, my eyes red too from the lack of sleep.
Plus I think my lips are… swollen.
From the kiss last night.
I think his kiss — his all-consuming, breath-stealing kiss — has changed my lips forever. I think I’ll forever feel them tingling. I’ll forever be aware of how… needy they can be.
Just like I was last night.
So novel and so strange.
But most of all, so wonderful.
Although nothing about him staring at me right now is wonderful. He’s giving me a flat look, an unemotional look, when last night his eyes were all shiny and liquid.
Probably because I interrupted his tutoring session at the library. My appointment with him is just after this but I couldn’t wait any longer.
“Not now,” he clips, going back to the textbooks open in front of him at the table.
There’s a girl sitting right next to him who’s still staring at me though and I shoot her an awkward smile before protesting, “It can’t wait.”
Atlas lifts his eyes again. “It’s going to have to. I’m busy.”
He goes back to his textbook again and while the girl is still watching me, I snap, “Oh my God, why are you being such a jerk? Just talk to me.”
The girl smirks knowingly and this time when I give her a smile, it’s less awkward because she gets it; he can be a jerk when he wants to be. He doesn’t, of course because his features are as flat as ever. Finally he straightens up, getting taller and broader in his seat, his jaw tightening up as he stares at me.