Chemical Romance (Heartstone)

“Atlas.” I approach him where he’s standing at the window. “What’s wrong?”

When I touch his back, his muscles flex and he turns around. “Nothing. Let’s get back to it.”

I press my hand on his chest. “No, tell me. What’s wrong? What did I… What did I say?”

He looks down at me, his eyes shimmering. “Nothing, apparently.”

“But I thought... I swear I didn’t mean it. Please –”

“Yeah, I fucking got that.”

I fist his shirt. “Then, what’s –”

“Look, I don’t have time for this, all right?” He rakes his fingers through his hair again. “I’ve got a test of my own. So let’s fucking finish your shit so I can get back to mine.”

God, he can be such a jerk sometimes. Even now.

But I was never afraid of his rudeness. Not then and definitely not now. Clenching my teeth, I say, “No. Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

His chest moves under my fist. “Penelope, let me –"

“No, you don’t get to be an asshole right now.” I speak over him, going toe to toe. “You don’t get to shut me out. Especially when I’ve been so considerate and mature about this whole thing.”

His brows draw together. “Considerate.”

Yes.

I lied about my feelings in order to spare his. Although I’m not going to tell him that. “I slipped up, okay? I’m not well versed in dating etiquettes. I made a mistake and I owned it. And I apologized. The least you could do is tell me what your problem is.”

“My problem,” he almost thunders, “is that you can handle yourself.”

“What?”

“You can, can’t you?” He bends down over me now, hovering. “Because apparently it’s too soon. Because apparently, we’ve only been going out for a few weeks. Because apparently, Penelope, you haven’t been paying fucking attention, have you?”

My chest is crashing against his as I breathe and pant. “Attention to what?”

He chuckles harshly. “To anything at all.”

I look into eyes, green and stormy.

And that’s when I realize.

I realize what he’s saying and oh God, now I’m an idiot. Not before.

“It’s not too soon, is it?”

His nostrils flare. “No, it’s not.”

I lick my lips. “You’ve been watching me for two years now.”

His chest expands on a long breath. “I have.”

“You’ve wanted me for just as long too.”

“Yeah.”

“And you told me that.”

Another long breath. “Yes.”

He did.

Numerous times.

Well, not in so many words but I could gather.

A few days after we officially started going out, I asked him how he knew where I lived. And he confessed that he’d followed me home a couple of times just after I’d gotten back from Heartstone. He also told me – after a lot and a lot of prodding – that he noticed me the first day of our class last year. Not to mention, he would watch me at the library.

Oh and his irritation over the fact that I didn’t remember his name even though I did.

He told me all of it. He has shown me all of it too.

Maybe that’s why everything has been so easy with him. Maybe that’s why I felt so safe that day in his arms.

Maybe that’s why I fell in love with him just like that.

Yet, in my nervousness, I somehow forgot.

I forgot that even though I’ve wanted him for a long time, he’s wanted me for even longer than that. And so, this time I say it with all the confidence. “I love you.”

Emotions ripple over his features but he remains silent.

I step even closer to him. “I know it’s too soon. We’ve only been going out for a few weeks. But I don’t care. I don’t care if I’m being girly or sappy.”

“Or a clueless recent non-virgin.”

“Yes. I don’t care about any of that. The truth is that I think I like it.”

“Being clueless, you mean.”

I smile. “No. Being a non-virgin. Swimming in all the hormones and chemistry.” Reaching up, I kiss his jaw. “And love.”

He shudders and fists my hair. “Love.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You better mean it this time.”

“I do.” I wind my arms around his neck. “I guess, I still get scared by my own emotions. And it might take me a long, long time to get over that. But I know that I don’t have to be afraid with you.”

His fingers flex in my hair. “You don’t.”

“You’ll take care of me.”

“Fuck yes, I will.”

“Even if you’re all the way over at Harvard?” I ask, not being able to help myself.

Clearly, I’ve thought about this a lot, him going away and me being left behind.

His other arm slides around my waist and he flattens me against him. “Yes. From all the way over at Harvard.” He squeezes me. “I’ve waited a long time, you understand? A long fucking time, Penelope. I never thought that I’d be here. That you’d be here. With me. I never thought that I’d get to touch you, kiss you. Be with you. Take care of you.”