“What’s this?”
He held them out to me. “These are for you.”
I smelled them. “Did your grandfather buy them?”
“No. This time it was all me. They’re to thank you for putting up with my ass these past few weeks and chaperoning me. Black is more fitting for you, don’t you think? You’re no boring yellow rose. You’re the black rose. Deep, mysterious, complex…and beautiful.”
My heart was practically pounding out of my chest.
Stop.
I cleared my throat and sniffed them again. “Well, thank you. They’re really nice.”
“Can we talk about how much it sucks that I no longer have an excuse to see you twice a week? I feel like it’s the end of a small era.”
I wanted to stomp on my heart right now. I couldn’t allow myself to continue to react to this man. Butterflies had been swarming in my damn belly all afternoon—from the moment I’d caught him looking so down when he found out I wasn’t joining them today. As much as I hated to admit it, I had a massive crush on him that had apparently started to suck the rationality out of me. Case in point, my intentionally wearing the Goofy scrubs I knew he loved. I was setting myself up for failure.
“What are the chances you’d let me take you out this weekend?” he asked, interrupting my thoughts.
A wave of panic swept over me as my heart wrangled with my better judgment.
“I can’t do this anymore, Troy…” I blurted.
“Oh…kay?” The color drained from his face.
I understood why he might’ve been confused by my response. Things had been going well between us. I had every reason to say yes. But the underlying fear that I was somehow being punked by this man just wouldn’t let up.
“I’m sorry for reacting so abruptly.” Staring down into the roses, I said, “I just don’t see this ending well.”
A muscle in his jaw twitched. “In what way?”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea to get closer to you.”
“Because you don’t trust that I only want to be your friend…”
“It’s not just that. I don’t trust myself.”
He took a few steps closer. “Elaborate.”
“I’m only human. And…I can see this going in the wrong direction if we keep spending so much time together under the façade of friendship.”
I could feel the heat of his body. “The wrong direction… What does that mean?”
“I think you know what it means.”
“You think I want to sleep with you…” He paused for several seconds. “You’re right.”
My eyes widened. “I am?”
“I’m very attracted to you, yes. I want to sleep with you very badly. And when we argue…” His eyes rolled back a little. “I want to fuck you even more.”
That eye roll and what he’d just said made the muscles between my legs contract, just another indication of my lack of control. My body buzzed as my breathing sped up. But I said nothing—I was speechless.
He exhaled. “Look… Part of getting you to trust me is being honest with you. So I’m not going to stand here and deny that I have those thoughts about you…all the time.” His eyes wandered over me. “Especially when you’re in those damn Goofy scrubs.” He inched closer, putting my body on full alert. “Do I think I’m right for you? No. That’s me being honest, too.” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple moving up and down. “I’m confused. That’s the truth. All I know is that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
“I’ve been thinking a lot about you, too,” I admitted. “That’s the problem.”
He looked down at me, the sun shining in his eyes as his hair blew slightly in the wind. “What do you want, Aspyn? You want me to back off? Stop trying to get closer to you? Because if that’s what you really want, I promise you, I will. I come on strong when I’m determined. But I know how to walk away just as fiercely. I do have pride—a fuck ton of it, which is why my mother never saw me knocking on her door.”
That broke my heart. I hated that this situation had somehow reminded him of that.
“All you have to do is say the word,” he said. “And you won’t see or hear from me anymore.”
An undetermined amount of time passed as we stood facing each other in silence. Shala walked by as she headed to her car. She gave me a look that said, you’d better fill me in later.
I had two choices—either admit that I was scared of my budding feelings for him, or agree that not seeing each other was best. I chose the latter.
“Yeah. I do think it’s best if we not see each other anymore.”
Those words left a bitter taste in my mouth. I guess that’s the way it tastes when you let fear win. Emotions twisted inside of me. I’d just said the opposite of what I wanted. But it felt like the safest choice, the one that would ensure I didn’t get hurt in the end.