I’m sure I’ll be okay.
- Don’t have to downplay it, Dell.
I just wasn’t used to being the one fussed over, I guess.
I was the sort of stand-in mom figure when one of my brothers was hurt or sick. I did all the nurturing, cooking, pillow-fluffing, and nagging them to stop stiff-upper-lipping it and take their meds.
It felt strange to be on the receiving end of it. There was a part of me that almost felt a little, I don’t know, guilty about it.
Which was absurd.
But there was no denying it, either.
- Out of curiosity, how tall is that tree outside your bedroom window?
What? How do you know about that?
- Nyx had the window open earlier.
My gaze slid to the window at the side of my room. And, yes, I’d always been able to see the old warehouse—and current biker clubhouse—from it.
I’d watched their comings and goings more times than I cared to admit since Judge joined their ranks, to be honest.
But I’d never really given much thought to them being able to see our house.
- What I’m asking is, will it hold a human?
Yeah.
- Use it to sneak out a lot as a teen?
No.
- Nah. Didn’t think so.
Are you saying I’m a goody-goody?
- Maybe. But don’t go getting your panties in a bunch about it.
He was good. I could literally feel my blood pressure rising at his insinuation. But, at the end of the day, he wasn’t wrong, was he? I was a rule-follower. I didn’t try to sneak out or get drunk or high with friends when I was in high school. I never even broke curfew.
Part of that was because, really, there was nothing to do in Shady Valley.
The other part was that it wasn’t like I had normal parents to contend with.
I had five older brothers, each scary and intimidating in their own way.
Were you planning on climbing my tree?
- Yes.
Why?
- To see you. Figure those brothers of yours aren’t going to let me walk through the front door.
That’s true.
Even if it was ridiculous. I mean, the man had saved me and stayed with me at the hospital. I couldn’t imagine why they were holding such a grudge about him.
Just because he was a biker?
Like that wasn’t hypocritical as all hell?
Objectively, I knew their real problem with Jass was the fact that they didn’t think he had good intentions, despite a couple of good deeds.
And, really, that probably wasn’t wrong of them.
Not a single one of those bikers had a steady woman. That wasn’t the kind of life they led. It was all about the partying and the girls in town, the clubwhores, the easy, commitment-free sex.
There was no reason to think that Jass was different.
Literally all we shared was sex. And the finding me and getting me help thing. But that was what any halfway decent human being would do for someone else. It didn’t mean anything.
If Cillian thought that Jass planned to be all traditional and court me and commit to me, and possibly think about settling down with me some day, I was pretty sure he would put his personal feelings aside.
But because the guy had taken my virginity without even knowing who I was, yeah, that wasn’t working in his favor.
So, yep, if he wanted to see me, he was going to have to sneak around.
I knew I was supposed to tell him not to come, that I didn’t want that.
I’d already decided that I was a relationship girl, not a casual sex girl.
But I couldn’t seem to help myself. The idea of him climbing the old tree outside my window and coming to see me was too appealing to tell him I didn’t want that.
Besides, we’d casually had sex in Vegas. And it had been good. Great. Freaking amazing.
So, you know, maybe a casual sexer was something you learned to be, not something you automatically were.
And since there was not a single other halfway enticing prospect for dating in the entire town at present, what did it hurt to spend my time casually enjoying all the ways Jass could make me feel good?
Until he eventually got sick of me.
The thought made my stomach twist, but I couldn’t lie to myself about it.
No matter how good the sex was, one day he was going to want someone else. Or many someone elses.
Then it would all be over.
If he was interested now, and I wanted more, then why would I deny myself it?
Even if a part of me knew that I would end up hurt in the end.
- Which of your brothers will be staying with you tonight? Not the lunatic, I hope.
I think Conor would do anything he could not to have to be my nursemaid. It would likely be Cillian or Rian. Cillian, because he’s like the house dad. Rian, because he would do anything to avoid actually having to work.