“You’ve got to be kidding me if you think I’d go alone, Beth. I can barely go to the bathroom alone, I’ll die on a cruise ship without you!” I yelp, shaking my head at the possibility.
“Be honest – weren’t you having fun before I went full on klutz mode and fell from the sofa?” she asks, referencing our night at the club.
“Well, yeah, but what that’s got to do with this?” I wonder.
“Maggie, you have to live in the moment, even when it doesn’t include me. Tonight was fun because you weren’t trying to fit those guys into your life plan. Your brain wasn’t calculating how long you’d need to date before you get engaged, and you weren’t pretending to be a Stepford wife. You had fun because you were letting loose. That’s what you need to do, and you should learn to do it without my badgering,” she teases, looking at me with sincere hazel eyes.
“I won’t know anyone,” I whimper, already dreading a cruise without her.
“Maggie, you’re smart, you’re beautiful, and you’re stacked. Trust me, you won’t be sitting alone for too long. You’ve got three days to convince yourself, but you’d be a fool to sit out on the trip of a lifetime because I got hurt.” She shrugs her shoulders as the doctor comes into the room.
“I’m sorry, visiting hours are over,” he announces with regret.
“Think about it, Maggie,” Beth calls out as I leave the room after giving her a hug and kiss.
For the next two days I do just that, debating the possibilities, while simultaneously considering every imaginable reason to pull out of the trip altogether.
In the end, it was Beth’s admission that the VIP cruise tickets were purchased at a massive discount, and could not be refunded, that prompted me to make my decision. I literally couldn’t afford to cancel the trip.
I didn’t take any of my vacation days last year, and I’m not going to repeat anything about that nightmarish memory, so I am going on the cruise alone. Just the thought makes me uneasy; how on earth will I fare on my own?
I only bought the tickets because I knew Beth would make sure we had a good time, meeting new people, and partying until we couldn’t stand. Now, she can’t stand regardless, but her opinion is unwavering – she wants me to take the trip and finally come out of my shell.
This is a clear opportunity to live up to all the dreams and expectations I’ve set for myself, and throwing my bathing suits into my small suitcase, a flutter of excitement ripples through my belly. I am going on my first solo trip, and as Beth put it, I can be whoever I want.
This is my chance to become the new Maggie, the woman I’ve dreamed of – adventurous, outgoing, and open to new possibilities.
A flash of hope impels me to throw a pack of condoms into my luggage. It’s been a long time since I got any action, but thanks to my fresh Brazilian wax, I’m ready for whatever comes my way.
Chapter Four
Arriving on the cruise ship is both exhilarating and overwhelming. Having never been on a cruise, I had no idea what to expect, but would have never anticipated the number of people they pack onto these things.
It’s like a new world, equipped with everything you could imagine, an amusement park for adults. Checking into my cabin, which is rather large considering it was meant for Beth and me to share, I roll my luggage to the corner, glancing around with curiosity.
While it’s not much bigger than a standard hotel room, equipped with two twin beds rather than a double, they’ve done a good job making it feel more like a bedroom. The furniture is white, with colorful accents by way of a bright green comforter and matching lampshade.
The white tile floor is partially covered with a blue shag rug, and the tiny bathroom has a blue and green shower curtain. It’s more like a dorm room than a hotel, but it’s fun.
“So, what now?” I ask myself, glancing out of my small oval window to watch people walk from one end of the ship to the other, some dragging suitcases, but all craning their necks to take in either the vast size of the ship or a beautiful view of the clear blue ocean.
I’ve chosen a flowing chiffon maxi dress for my first day on the trip, hoping to catch a bit of the breeze on our journey out to the Caribbean. While I’m excited beyond words, I still have a bit of nerves being so far from home by myself for the first time.
Beth may only be a phone call away, but it’s very different to be alone in such a large crowd of people.
Thankfully, there’s a list of events and a schedule of sorts for each day on-board. According to the itinerary, onboarding can take anywhere from one to four hours, so I decide to spend the time napping.
The movement is so subtle, that our departure doesn’t disturb me, and by the time I awake, there’s no land in sight, the sun just preparing to set for the evening. Heading down to the activities level of the ship, I make my way through the droves of people lined up at restaurants, hunched over in groups for a peek at the menu.
Everyone seems to be traveling in groups, and just watching them makes me miss Beth even more. A part of me wants to ask one of the girl groups if I can just tag along. This trip obviously isn’t meant for girls on their own, and every turn seems to present a reminder.
The waitress asks me to wait for a seat when I request a table for one, as groups fly past me, easily accommodated in the large dining area. Even the dinner options are offered for couples as well as family style dining.
I decide to choose the buffet instead, and regret the decision and my awkwardness intensifies as I glance around suspiciously, feeling as if everyone is watching me, although I doubt that is true.
By the time I get back to my cabin, I’m exhausted, more from the extra attention than my strenuous travel day. Missing home more than ever, I call Beth for a quick chat.
“Don’t tempt me with bikini selfies and margaritas,” Beth answers with a giggle.