Sex, Not Love

I just couldn’t let go…

Chapter 34

Hunter

Present day – two weeks later

This was a fuck of a lot harder than I’d thought it would be.

Sitting on an Adirondack chair in Derek’s yard, I looked over at Natalia talking to a bunch of women and wondered if anyone else saw what I saw. Maybe they were blinded by her beauty—the smile that lit up a room, long legs toned just right so they were muscular, yet still feminine, and a dress that hugged her curves yet covered everything in a way that made it sexier to show less skin. But when she’d said hello earlier today, our eyes met for a brief second, and I saw it before she quickly made her escape. She was hurting beneath all those layers of beauty. And I fucking hated that I’d done that to her.

I sucked back my second seltzer water, wishing it were something else. But after weeks of binge drinking—crap I hadn’t pulled since right after Jayce died—Derek had made me promise sobriety for the christening. It was the least I could do.

My buddy sat in the chair next to mine, one arm holding his sleeping beauty in a long white dress that hung two feet longer than she was.

“My wife is going to divorce me when she finds out, you know.”

“What are you talking about?”

He shot me a look that said don’t be a dick. “And she’s gonna find out. She could’ve just gone on thinking you were a perpetual douchebag who didn’t want to be tied down. But nope. You screwed that up. Ever since your drunken night talking about Jayce, she thinks you’re broken. And you know Anna. There’s nothing she likes better than a project to heal someone. She’s not going to stop digging until she knows every little thing about your life. I’m not offering details, but I also won’t lie to her. Eventually she’s going to ask me the specifics of the genetic disease he had and put two and two together.”

“Don’t use bad language in front of my goddaughter, please.”

Derek shook his head. He stayed quiet for a moment as we looked over at his wife and her best friend. His voice turned serious when he spoke again. “Nat deserves to know.”

“No, what she deserves is a whole lot more than I can give her.”

“What about you? Don’t you deserve some happiness?”

I sipped my seltzer, wanting a drink to take the edge off in the worst way. “Leave the healing projects to your wife.”

***

We couldn’t avoid each other at the church. The godparents sat on the end of the pew next to each other. Natalia had Caroline in her arms. She looked beautiful cradling a baby—a real natural. And it had nothing to do with how gorgeous she was. I tried not to look over at her, fighting the urge to stare, because for a brief second, I’d forget she wasn’t mine anymore. Then when I remembered, it hurt to breathe.

One of the blankets on top of Caroline dropped to the floor, so I leaned forward to pick it up, dusting it off even though the marble floor was sparkling clean. The church was warm enough, so I laid it on the pew between us rather than covering the baby again.

I finally found the courage to look up at Natalia, and when our eyes met, she waited for me to say something, do something. When I didn’t, she broke the ice.

“The dress is beautiful, isn’t it?”

My eyes washed over her. “Yeah. Red’s your color. You look gorgeous.”

Natalia cracked a small smile. “I meant Caroline’s dress.”

“Oh. Yeah. Her dress is beautiful, too.” I’m such a jackass.

It was awkward, which felt like crap since our conversation had always flowed easily, since the first time we met.

So, I attempted to make it better. “How’ve you been?”

The look on her face told me I’d done the opposite. “Lonely. You?”

I couldn’t bullshit her and leave her hanging when she’d been so honest. Forcing a pathetic excuse for a smile, I said, “About the same.”

Then, like the asshole I am, my eyes dropped to her full lips. Sitting in a house of worship didn’t stop me from thinking about how much I’d love to see them swollen from my teeth. When I looked back up at her eyes, they told me she knew exactly the thought in my mind. Lucky for me, the organ music started, beginning the ceremony, or I might’ve done something stupid and leaned in the little bit separating us…in a church of all places.

***