“Damn. I really wanted you to do that, but I’m pretty sure you weren’t up for it, were you?” Pater asks as he tilts his head and glances down at Vaughn. The boy isn’t dead yet; I can hear him still gasping for breath and I can see his back moving raggedly up and down. “Wanna finish him off? Put him out of his misery?”
Pater turns the knife around so that he’s gripping the blade in his hand, and presenting the hilt to me. It’s another test, and it’s one I cannot afford to fail. Being forced to do something so terrible in a moment where my heart can’t take any more, I turn my face away from Pater and reject his request.
“Don’t have it in you, huh? It’s okay, let him suffer for a little bit. It’ll teach him a lesson before he chokes to death on his own blood,” he says as he crosses his arms and shakes his head.
He uses his foot to nudge Vaughn’s shoulder, which causes him to sputter, and I hate myself for not having it in me to kill him. But it’s what Pater wants, and I can’t give in, not when I’ve already given him so fucking much already.
“Hey, where did that mutt run off to?” he asks, suddenly glancing around the room.
“No more,” I whisper tiredly. “I can’t do this anymore. Please just end it.”
“Nah, I’m having too much fun, and you’re not pregnant with my child yet,” he replies with smirk. “We’ve got things to do first, baby girl. Then if you want to leave, we’ll talk about it, but as it currently stands, I have no plan of letting you go. Besides, do you have any idea how cute you’re gonna look with a belly? I’ll bet it’s gonna be adorable! Can I tell you a secret, though?”
I don’t move my hands away from my face. I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing more tears, when I didn’t even know I was capable of giving any more than I’ve already shed.
“I’m trying to share something with you. Please give me a little common courtesy,” he says quietly as he walks over and pulls my hands away. Pater tries to catch my eyes, but I still refuse, causing him to sigh impatiently.
“Jocelyn. Stop acting like a spoiled brat and look at me when I’m speaking to you, please.”
I turn my eyes ever so slightly to let him know he has my attention as much as he has my defiance, but he seems to be okay with it.
“I’m a little scared. To start over, I mean. Fifty three years on this fucking earth and having to raise another kid from scratch is gonna be a little hard, so I’m counting on you to help me with that. Although to be honest, I bet changing a diaper is a lot like getting back on a bike; you never really forget. I remember the first time I changed yours; the way you looked up at me with those curious brown eyes...” his voice trails off and he pulls me close to him protectively, resting his chin on the top of my head.
If I didn’t know any better, I would say he’s almost trying to remember how to be a father in this moment, but I know it won’t last long. It never fucking does, and I’ll be back to being his wife in no time while our ‘son’ continues to bleed out on the floor next to us.
“It won’t be anything like it was with your mom, so don’t worry about that, okay? I took you kids away from her the moment you were born, because I could see in her eyes how much she resented you. I didn’t appreciate the way she would look at you, especially. Which is probably why you kids didn’t remember her when you saw her; you were never around her long enough to form that bond, because I refused to give her that right to my children,” he takes a deep breath to steady himself. I can feel the rage in his words, but he’s trying to make this as meaningful as he can for me. “Listen, I fully intend to raise our kids together instead of apart. I’ve seen how hard you tried with Eloy and Vaughn, and it would break my heart to take you away from any child I put inside of you. You’re a damn good mother, Jocelyn, of that I have no doubt,” he says, as he kisses the top of my head and lets me go. “But for now, we gotta find that fucking dog.”
He walks out of the room, whistling loudly in an attempt to get Tiberius to show himself, but if he can hear him he’s not falling for it.
Good dog. Stay as far away as you fucking can.
“Luke?” I call out timidly. I have another plan, one that won’t fail if I can stand my ground. One that will, at the very least, save the life of the animal if I can keep his attention on me long enough.
“Not now, baby girl. I need to get rid of this damn dog,” he calls back before he continues whistling. “There you are! Come here, boy! That’s right, I’ve got something for you.”
I run from the living room, down the hallway, and into the kitchen. Pater has the dog by his collar and he’s crouched down in front of him, letting Tiberius happily lick his face.
“Well, look at that. I can almost taste your pussy when he does that,” he remarks as he glances back at me with a laugh. Tiberius continues to lick Pater’s
face until he pulls away from him. “Alright, that’s about enough of that. Now, you really didn’t think I was going to let you violate my wife and not punish you, did you?”
“What? Luke, he doesn’t know any better. I forced myself on him, he didn’t do anything to me. I swear! Please, I’ll open the door and he can run away, and I’ll tell Aaron and Crystal that it was my fault he’s gone. I’ll give them their money back and maybe they’ll forgive me. Okay? You don’t have to punish him; punish me, okay?” I plead, ringing my hands nervously.
“Hm. It’s a tempting offer, but if I can’t resist putting my face in between your thighs, what’s to say he won’t try it again?” he asks, turning his attention back to Tiberius. “I think he’ll be okay after this.”
Pater pushes the dog down firmly. I move forward to try and stop him, but it’s too late. Tiberius lets out a loud yelping noise as Pater drives the blade under his chin, up through the top of his head.
“I always did like animals,” he says, more to himself than me, as he turns the blade viciously so that the dog doesn’t suffer any more than it needs to. “Just not this one.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Numb doesn’t begin to describe how I feel anymore. I’m hollow, empty, void of life, and yet here I stand watching Pater as he turns the dog onto its back and splits it open. He’s talking to me, telling me how he’ll skin the dog and make a blanket for our newborn child when we have one, but his voice is so distorted that I’m sure I’ve lost most of his words in translation. Or maybe this is all just a bad dream, and I’ll wake up in a world where it all starts at the beginning and never makes it this far.
I turn away from what he’s doing and wrap my arms around myself as I walk back into the living room. Vaughn is dead at this point; his back is no longer moving up and down, and as I walk over and place a hand gently on his back, I can feel him starting to become cold to the touch. The sweet peach colored skin that once shown so warmly on him before our lives became this Hell, is slowly turning a soft shade of pale. I know that when it’s over, he’ll be bitter blue and no amount of trying to keep his body warm will make him the beautiful boy he used to be again.
“I’m sorry, my sweet boy,” I whisper, leaning down and kissing the top of his head. I pull my shirt off over my head and lay it across his stiffening body. It’s not much, but it’s the only comfort I can offer to him now.
I think I can hear Pater calling out my name, but I continue my pilgrimage slowly toward the front door, walking out and around the house.