It makes me feel like shit to see happy parents and their children. I always wonder how much differently he could have turned out had his father maybe showed up once in a while to take him out to do some male bonding. Instead he’s stuck with me—a whore that can’t keep her hands off of herself and apparently forgets to lock her fucking door when she gets the urge.
I wish I had someone in my life that could take care of my impulses as they come, but most of all, I wish I had someone in my life that could be a father figure for Luke. He deserves it—no matter how angry he made me last night, he’s a good boy and I know even though he didn’t want to show it, what he saw bothered him.
The server isn’t the same one as the night before. She’s not as pretty as her either, but I think I’ll still see if she wants to meet my boy when I’m done and maybe take his mind off of things.
I smile up at her as she places my drink and salad down, shaking my head when she asks me if I need anything else at the moment. I pull the straw out of the paper wrapping and stick in into the carbonated drink before picking up my fork and stabbing a few leaves of lettuce, some tomato slices, and cheese strips.
“I can’t believe it.”
I almost choke on my food.
I didn’t know that anyone had approached me and the sudden sound of someone standing so close startles me. With a laugh, I reach for my napkin to wipe my face before I glance up at the person that scared me almost shitless then feel my mouth run dry.
“Oh my God. It is you,” he says, taking in a breath.
My lower lip begins to tremble slightly, and I have to turn my eyes away from him.
“How have you been?” he asks in disbelief as he pulls out the chair next to me and sits down.
It’s almost as if I’m looking into a mirror of my son. True the years are much higher in this reflection, but they look enough alike to assure anyone who his father is.
“Hi,” I reply quietly, dropping the napkin next to my plate. A wave of nausea takes over me, followed by guilt. Had I not grounded my son he would be here with me and he would finally know the man that gave him half of his life.
Selfish cow.
The edges of his eyes crinkle kindly when he finally smiles at me. “I think we’re past ‘hellos’, don’t you?”
I clear my throat and glance around the establishment again. Is he here with his family too? Or is he just another absentee parent like me trying to get away from an impending sense of doom?
“Are you alone?” I ask him, my voice cracking slightly.
“Yeah. The wife and kids are at home,” he says, running his hand back through his hair.
Just like Luke.
“Congrats,” I reply bitterly, rolling my eyes and picking up my fork again.
“I … I never stopped thinking about you, you know?” he says softly.
I glance at him and raise an eyebrow. “You should probably have spent your time thinking about
the son you left behind instead. Excuse me. I just lost my appetite.”
I get to my feet and push my chair in, but before I have a chance to walk away, he grabs me by the wrist and pulls me back toward the table.
“Sit down, Taylee. Let’s talk. I want to know about him. I’ve always felt so fucking bad for never going to visit him. Tell me about him? Please?”
The sheer look of hopelessness in his eyes hits me in my core and I feel myself faltering. I should just walk away, maybe run back home and get Luke. He might still be here by the time we get back, but what if he’s not?
With a heavy sigh, I pull my chair out and sit back down.
“He looks exactly like you. He’s tall too, very quiet and reserved. Doesn’t have much to say—even when you try to have a conversation with him. It’s usually short sentences or one-word answers.”
Trenton chuckles, his eyes showing signs of tears threatening to spill as he lets go of my arm. “He definitely didn’t get that from me.”
“Right.”
I cross my arms over my chest and give him my most defiant stare realizing in this moment that maybe Luke is more like me than I’ve noticed.