“Well, he didn’t.”
“I was just calling to bitch about him making me look bad. Now I feel bad for telling you.”
Peeling off the black t-shirt I slipped on to run with Ford, I wad it in a ball. “Logically speaking, what did you expect, Barrett? You’ve been with Alison a while. You’re moving her with you to Atlanta. Her kid calls our mom ‘Grandma’ now. Were we all supposed to chill out and wait until you finally grew the balls to ask her to marry you?”
He doesn’t answer, just sighs deeply into the line.
“Why haven’t you?” I ask. “Is something going on that I don’t know about?”
“No,” he says quickly. “It’s nothing like that. I just . . . I keep thinking she’s going to walk out. She hates so much of this life I live, and although Hux is taking it like a champ, she’s in constant worry mode over it. I get it. I respect it. But I’m
afraid if I really take that next step, it’ll jinx it.”
“Barrett, do you think a ring on her finger will change anything? It’s just a symbol of something you already have. She needs that.”
I bite back the bile in my throat, the bitterness creeping quicker than it has in a long, long time.
I remember her face, the long black locks splayed across my pillow. The sound of her voice as we debated philosophy into the wee hours of the morning.
“All people need to be loved, Graham.” She gazed into my eyes, the first rays of morning light streaking across her face. “I need you to love me. I need you to show me you do, to quell that thirst in my soul.”
“What do you want from me, Vanessa?”
“I want you to put me first, above everything else. Like I do you.”
“Is this about me having to go home this weekend?” I brush a strand of hair out of her face. “I have to. I told my father I’d be there late Friday night.”
“How can you love me and leave me here? I need you too, you know. You always leave me when they call.”
“They’re my family. That company will be mine. What am I supposed to do?”
“Stay with me,” she breathes, planting kisses up my chest. “Need me like I need you.”
I thought I did need her. Maybe she convinced me that I did, but I fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
“How did you get so smart about relationships?” Barrett charges, pulling me back to the present. “You holding out on us?”
“Nah,” I say, downing the whiskey. The burn pushes the bitterness down with its fire. “Not me.”
“Why not you? Don’t you want to settle down, G? I know you have your tail on the side, but aren’t you getting tired of that shit?”
Of course I want to settle down. The logical part of me knows if I never find a woman and fall in love again, I’ll miss out on a huge part of life itself. Family is the most important thing in the world to me, and there’s nothing more I’d like than to have my own. But the other part of me, the part that remembers what all of that feels like when you realize it’s all smoke and mirrors, is just as strong. Maybe stronger.
“When the time is right,” I tell him. “But I don’t have the time or energy to give to someone right now.”
That’s true. I barely have enough time in my day to do what I need to do to keep everything going. But that’s only half the story.
He doesn’t need the other half.
Mallory
“PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,” I PRAY as the elevator inches north. “I can’t be late!”
My black heel taps against the tile, my hand clenching around my bag, as I watch each number slowly light up. Kicking myself for not getting gas last night and waiting until today, I’m at the door before the buzzer goes off. As soon as the right floor dings, after what feels like an eternity, I dash out.
The landing forms an “H,” with offices lining each long hallway. Pivoting to the right, I turn left and dash, more carefully than yesterday but not any slower, down the hall to the double glass doors that open into what is now my office. They close softly behind me.
My heart is thrashing beneath a wine-colored blouse that nicely showcases my boobs. I feel good in it, but not as good as I feel with Graham’s eyes on me.