I rest my head on her shoulder. “I started dating him when I was almost fifteen. We were together all throughout high school. I went to public and he went to Providence, a private school across town. We spent almost every evening and all our weekends together from the day we met until the day he left.”
“Oh,” she draws out, putting things together. “He’s the one . . .”
“Yes. He’s the one that, after the worst few weeks of my life, signed up for the military and took off.”
The look of pity is the exact one I’ve tried to avoid. That’s why I never delved into the ins and outs of my relationship with Ford. It’s the same reason I’ve never even really said his name.
I don’t want pity because I don’t want to seem pitiful. While he may have decimated me in the past, I am where I am because of that. Because of him.
“I’m so sorry, El. Had I known that was him, I wouldn’t have been so ga-ga.”
“Yes, you would’ve,” I laugh.
“Well, probably,” she giggles. “But I wouldn’t’ve been as nice. How’s that?”
“That’s fair.” Raising my head, I manage a real smile. “I know you look at him and think one thing. I don’t blame you. But don’t blame me for not being in that same boat.”
She grins. “I don’t blame you for not being in the same boat. I blame you for not being in his bed.”
“You are a crappy friend,” I laugh, standing and heading back to the fridge. “A good friend would have my back right now.”
“What must’ve he done to you?” She gasps. “Did he cheat on you? If he cheated on you, that’s it. He just fell from an eleven to a seven.”
“Just a seven?” I pull out another bottle of wine.
“I just can’t go below a seven and not lie.”
“Well, he didn’t cheat. I don’t think he would cheat, actually. It’s not in his makeup.”
“Good. I’ll bump him to a nine until I hear the offense.”
Violet might be my best friend in the entire world, but there are reasons I haven’t told her the details. I haven’t told anyone. I don’t know if I ever will. It’s too embarrassing and makes me sound too weak, too much like a lovestruck teenager.
“You aren’t going to tell me, are you?” she asks.
I slump back into the sofa beside her.
Finally, she looks at me and smiles. “Maybe this is the universe’s way of putting you two back together.”
“Maybe this is Mallory’s way of being a busybody,” I counter. “Or the universe telling me I did fine without him.”
Violet’s inner romantic is dying over this. She’s plotting out our romance novel already. She’s nearly bouncing on the balls of her feet.
“This isn’t like you and Luca,” I warn her. “There isn’t going to be some whirlwind reunion like the two of you have every year.”
“But it could be,” she insists “You’ve been in love with that guy, rightfully so, since the day I met you.”
My heart breaks a little. I won’t admit that and I won’t deny it either. Neither would make a difference.
“Love isn’t always enough,” I say. “Besides, I’m not sold on the idea that I loved him anyway. Maybe I loved the idea of him or it was some first-love thing that I haven’t gotten over. That’s normal, I think.”
Violet just looks at me unconvinced.
“He didn’t come here to see me, Vi. He came here to do business.”
“You could’ve been his business, methinks.”
“Burn me once, shame on you,” I say, standing up. “Burn me twice, shame on me.”