“Over a thousand channels and not a thing to watch,” I groan.
I wonder vaguely if that’s true or if I’m so preoccupied that I can’t get engrossed in anything except the one infomercial about the copper pots. I really kind of want those.
A man comes on the screen with light-colored hair and wide shoulders, and that’s all it takes to zap me wide awake again. It’s not Ford, obviously, but it’s close enough to cause my mind to jump back into overdrive.
My body is still charged, singing his praises every time I brush my legs together or clench my belly. That delicious pull from a good, hard orgasm still sits in my gut.
I’d forgotten what that felt like. I can’t remember the last guy to make completely lose control like that, to completely wipe away every thought but the feelings exploding inside you. That’s how I felt tonight.
I close my eyes and instantly see his face. Not the Ford now, but the Ford then. He was so cute with his cheeky grin and athlete’s body. I adored him on the verge of infatuation. That’s why it hurt so much. That’s why it was so devastating.
Losing him almost made me lose me. Only by a stroke of luck did I land in Florida and only with a few lucky breaks was I able to make it through school. If for no other reason than I was determined to make something of myself to spite him. I did that. And so much more.
In a roundabout way, Ford may be to thank for making me the woman I am. Clearly it wasn’t intentional. But the successes in my life are spurred by the need to never be a burden to someone and never have to rely on someone . . . and that’s because of him.
Maybe having him walk away was more hurtful because I was young and didn’t understand life. Or, maybe it was just due to him being my first love. Either way, it goes to show that there will always be something special about Ford that complicates thin
gs to a degree that’s almost lethal.
That’s why I can’t do it again.
Ellie
“I DIDN’T EXPECT TO SEE you here.”
Mallory’s voice rings out behind me, her naturally chipper tone like a burst of sunshine through the yoga studio. I look up to see her toned body clad in purple yoga pants and a lime green top.
“You look like an eggplant,” I laugh. “A gorgeous one, but an eggplant anyway.”
“It was all I had clean,” she admits. “I hate laundry.”
“I don’t know of anyone that likes laundry.”
Finishing my stretch, I pull my legs to me and wait for her to join me on the mat.
Mallory has classes every day of the week, but mornings are the least busy and my favorite. I love the quiet. Today, in particular, I need the zen. I also wanted to show Mallory I’m not angry with her.
She plops down beside me and smiles. “I’m glad you came. I was wondering if I should come by Halcyon or if you’d just toss me out on my eggplant rear.”
I can’t help but laugh. “I considered quitting you,” I wink. “But I’m stressed and yoga helps and this is my favorite studio. So I figured I’d better not quit you yet.”
“Thank God for small favors,” she sighs. “Please know I didn’t mean to make you mad with the whole Ford thing. Sometimes I just think I have a brilliant plan and act on it and then realize later I might’ve kind of crossed boundaries.”
“You think?”
She blows out a deep breath, her cheeks pinking. “I thought maybe I could bring the two of you together again. I love a good love story and felt like that information was dropped in my lap for a reason.”
“I know you meant well.” I grab my toes and lean towards my knees, hoping this gives me a minute to figure out what else to say.
“I’m probably prying, but how did things go? I know his side of it, but what’s yours?”
I sit back up and look at her. My first reaction is to ask what he said about me, but I talk myself out of it. I want to come to terms with my reaction without having his and hers thrown into the mix any more than they already are.
“I have really mixed emotions about him,” I admit.
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really. I’m not sure where to even start. Besides,” I say, getting to my feet, “I could probably talk through it for hours and be as confused as I already am.”