“You probably shouldn’t plan a threesome if you’re uncomfortable.”
“The idea is uncomfortable to me,” I tell him. “But having someone there who has done it before, and can, you know… direct traffic, would make the situation go better.”
“Situation?” He chuckles with no humor. “It’s not a situation.”
“Fantasy,” I amend. “I mean, if you’re not interested, then just say so.”
His knuckles turn white on the steering wheel, and I expect him to shut the entire conversation down, but that’s not the game we’re playing, is it?
“I think I can make arrangements.”
I have to look away from him. This is not going the way I wanted it to. He’s not supposed to agree. If there was anything left between us, something I could build on, he would refuse. He’s supposed to be angry at the suggestion, not contemplative on who he could bring into the bed with us.
“Yeah?” I ask, trying to push him to switch gears one last time.
He nods, eyes still straight ahead. “I can find someone that’ll show you a great time.”
What the hell have I just gotten myself into?
Chapter 23
Grinch
I should be mad and angry at her suggestion. Or maybe I should be turned on that she’s voicing her willingness to get fucked by two men at the same time.
Don’t get me wrong, my cock is hard and eager, but since I no longer fall prey to unexplained spontaneous erections, I know exactly why I’m hard.
I have the urge to pull over on the side of the road and show her that there’s only one dick she needs. It doesn’t take two to please her. I’ve proved that fact over and over. Getting her there, leaving her breathless and satisfied, has never been a problem.
Wanting to fuck her until she understands that I have everything she needs is a new revelation. I’ve never wanted to dampen her fire. That attitude she has when she thinks someone is trying to control her is one of the things I like the most about her personality.
Knowing she has thoughts and images in her head about what happens at the Cerberus parties makes me twitchy. The fact that she’s picturing herself right in the middle of it makes me want to spit fire.
Share her?
There’s no fucking way.
But I can’t move on unless something breaks between us. This back and forth is killing me. Wanting her, needing to make sure she’s okay, this constant urge to protect her doesn’t exactly put the distance I need between us. Needing to hover over her and shield her from the world doesn’t exactly coincide with building resistance to her smile or the scent of her skin.
I chance a glance in her direction before driving around a block in order to head back to the clubhouse. God, she’s so damn beautiful, but her looks have never been the problem. She was so quick to shut me down as if my feelings didn’t matter all those years ago, I know she’ll have the ability to do it again. I’ll fall deeper into her trap, falling for her all over again, and then in a blink, she’ll pull the rug right out from under me, making me feel like an idiot for not reading the signs.
I can’t do it. I won’t do it.
I should just walk away completely. I shouldn’t waste another second entertaining her suggestion, but I know I’d never be able to. I’m an addict, and Grace is the only drug that has ever satisfied my cravings. The only woman who has ever managed to take the edge off. She’s my addiction, my downfall. I know seeing her with another man will ruin her for me, and not in a good way. It will burn every feeling I have for this woman right out of me. She’s my rock bottom, and hitting that low, damaging how I see her is the only way I’ll be able to bounce back and heal from her. Seeing her with another man will shatter the rose-colored glasses I’ve never been able to take off where she’s concerned.
I realize how toxic this situation is. I know it’ll do more damage to me than I’ve already experienced. I also know that unless it happens, she’s always going to be able to keep me dangling.
If I want to be free of her, it has to be done. I just pray I can get through it without killing the other man.
***
“We could head to the bar,” Aro suggests.
“We’ve already been drinking too much,” Ugly mutters.
“Boomer has been nursing the same beer for the last hour,” Aro argues. “He can drive.”
“Boomer is fixing to go to bed.” I grin when the man talks about himself in the third person.
“That’s not very supportive of your friends’ needs,” Aro says playfully.
“Worrying about your blue balls is not in my job description,” Boomer shoots back.