“Do you get scared, Daddy?”
“Of course. I’m human. But I always fight my way out.”
“It’s okay to admit you like me—that you like the way you feel with me. It’s okay to admit that these last couple months have been more than just letting me stay here because it’s your duty.”
“I don’t know what fantasy you’ve concocted with me in it, but get it out of your head. Fucking you was a mistake,” he lashed out. “You flaunted around here, practically begging for it, and in my anger, I was weak enough to accept what was so gladly offered. It doesn’t mean I want you. It means I made a mistake.”
Corbin grew larger than life. Bigger than the strange man who welcomed me into his home all those years ago. He grew to fight his way out of the corner, and I recognized the push and shove to get free of whatever fears made him feel so small.
I’d done the same thing, and I knew that the desperation to escape it made you blind—stubborn.
I knew there was nothing I could do.
“You’re a coward.” I barely whispered the accusation, the truth pressing too tightly around my chest. “You’re too scared to even try. Maybe because you think it’s too late for you. Maybe because you think you’ll put all this time in just to be left alone again. I don’t know. But what I do know is that you’re pushing me away. I’ve pushed everyone away because I was so alone and so damn mad about it. I mean, why fucking bother to let anyone in if they were going to leave me anyway? But then I came here—to you.” I studied him, trying to remember that feeling of finding him on the patio watching me. The feeling of when I tried to push him away by shocking him with my nudity, but he kept coming back. “Something about you pulled at me. Something kept me from shoving too hard. Even when I was sixteen. Something told me to leave a crack open for you to come in. And you did. You kept showing up—even if it was a little late.”
His jaw didn’t soften one bit, but his eyes did. Just enough to hint at how small he felt. I wanted to go to him and beg him to keep showing up but begging for someone to stay was just buying time before they left. He needed to come on his own.
“But I’ve never regretted leaving that door open for you, no matter how scary it was, because I got to experience real connection. When we slept together,” I shook my head still in awe, “I’ve never felt anything like that.”
“I was rough,” he bit out like it would change my mind.
“And I loved it. Every sharp bite brought me to life. Every bruising grip reminded me I wasn’t alone. Being with you was like stumbling upon something I never thought I’d find. Corbin, you’re a dream I didn’t even dare imagine having.”
He didn’t say a word, his jaw clamped shut too tight. I waited, held my breath, and hoped, but nothing ever came. When I watched his throat work up and down, I knew any words he might have said were swallowed.
“As much as I want that connection, I won’t be alone for it. I’ve done alone, and I’ve made it work, but I hate it. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to surround myself with a family of my own. So if anything should ever happen to me, they’ll have each other. I want loud and rambunctious, and I think you do, too. But I can’t put that dream on hold while you let something as inconsequential as age and some unofficial title stop you. I like you, Corbin. Each day we spend together—each laugh, each dinner, each joke, each moment—I feel myself falling in love with you. I just don’t want to fall in love alone, too.”
My heart thudded so hard I feared I wouldn’t get the words out. They barely escaped on a hitched breath but made their way across the kitchen and landed hard enough to make him wince.
Part of me wanted to rile back up, land more blows, make him wince more. I wanted to be mad at him for keeping one foot in the door just to pull back as soon as he fully came in. I wanted to reject it all and shove him out, slamming and locking every bolt behind him. It would be a lesson learned to never let anyone in again, no matter your gut feeling, but I was tired.
“I have a meeting to get the ball rolling on my new plans for The Berkshire. I still don’t have anything from Phillip, but I’m moving forward anyway. Once things get settled, I’ll find a place. Thank you for letting me stay as long as you have.”