My business was doing just fine on its own.
I pulled up in front of the white, two-story house that felt more like home than anywhere ever had to me. I sure as hell wished we’d had this conversation before we got here because there was a lot I wanted to say. But if I knew my mom, she would be racing out to us any second now. “Did you just call me a cliché?” was what I landed on.
Jayden rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I meant. You know that’s not what I meant.”
“I’m not sure I do.”
“Just that you let your heart lead you instead of your brain. People want more of you. Everyone I know wants to fuck you or work with you. They want to know more about who Lane Ryan is, and showing them, teasing them with those little pieces of you, won’t somehow ruin your art. It’ll just make you a lot more money.”
“I don’t need more money.” I already had more than I knew what to do with. “I want to keep certain things for myself.”
“Oh my God. You’re pissed. I wasn’t trying to make you mad. I was just trying to be helpful.”
Jayden shoved his laptop into his bag just as I heard Mom calling from the porch, “Lane’s here! Timothy! Isaac! He’s here!”
“Shit. I feel like I’m in a Hallmark movie. This is so wholesome. Don’t be mad at me anymore. I want your family to like me.”
The thing was, I knew Jayden didn’t mean anything by it and that he would want to make a good impression, but sometimes he said shit without realizing how it sounded. He also saw things so much differently than I did. He was always talking to me about what I should and shouldn’t be doing, when I just wanted to create.
“Let’s just get out.” I opened the door as Mom made her way down the steps. I jogged to her and wrapped her in a tight hug just as I heard the car door close. She felt good in my arms, soft and comforting and familiar. Her hair had some streaks of gray in it now, and she wore it in a ponytail, like always.
I was facing the house and saw Dad’s wide smile as he made his way down the steps. Isaac wasn’t there, though…
Mom was looking toward the car, and when I felt her hold on me loosen some, I figured she’d seen Jayden. “Oh, Lane. Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked softly.
“I don’t know.” I wished I had an answer for that myself.
“Silly boy. Let’s go meet him.” Mom pulled back, and Dad reached us at the same time. I turned and called Jayden over before tugging Dad into a hug.
“Good to see you, son.”
“You too.”
I smelled Jayden’s cologne, and then he was there, with a wide, innocent grin.
“Mom, Dad, this is Jayden. Jayden, these are my parents, Helena and Timothy.”
“It’s so great to meet you!” Mom said, pulling him into a hug. I shifted uncomfortably, knowing how lucky I was to have this, but also unsure how I felt about introducing someone to my family.
“I feel like I’ve been waiting forever,” Jayden said, and I really fucking wished he hadn’t. And then I felt like an asshole because I shouldn’t not want the most important people in my life to know the man I’d spent a year and a half with.
“Well, you’re here now,” Dad said, then, “and where’s your brother? I can’t believe he hasn’t made it outside yet.”
“Yeah, I haven’t seen him since Christmas, and he can’t even come to the door or what?” I teased. “Isaac!” I called, then looked at the house and…there he was, standing in the doorway, with his arms crossed. I took two steps, stopped, took in the tightness of his jaw, the faraway look in his eyes. The one that said he was feeling something, feeling too much, but didn’t want to show it, didn’t want anyone to know. But I did. I always knew. He was angry with me. He was hurt.
I couldn’t blame him.
I should have told him I was pansexual.
I saw his mask slip into place before anyone but me could’ve noticed his pain. He was the perfect image of cool, calm, and collected. Of I don’t give a damn. Of I’m okay, and I’m always okay.
“Sorry. I had a phone call.” Isaac took the steps two at a time. “Hey, man. Good to see you.” He gave me a quick, one-armed hug.
“Isaac,” I said softly, but he was already pulling away. “Hi. I’m Lane’s brother, Isaac.” I turned in time to see him hold his hand out to Jayden, who shook it.
“I’m Jayden. I’ve heard so much about you. I wish my brother and I were as close as you and Lane are.”