Her eyebrows rose in annoyance. There was no smile, no return salutation, and no hug.
She stepped back. “Well, you may as well come in. I don’t want to let too much cold air inside.”
I tamped down my disappointment. The house might be warmer inside, but the atmosphere was as frosty as the winter weather I left behind as the door shut.
“What do you mean, you don’t have a dinner jacket?” My mother’s voice was shocked and appalled. I noticed her facial expression didn’t change a lot, leading me to think some Botox was working overtime under her skin.
I shifted in my chair, uncomfortable and tense.
“As I said before, my lifestyle doesn’t require a lot of dressing up, Mother.”
“You don’t own a suit?” Her voice rose at the end of the sentence as if not owning a suit should be a crime.
“Yes, I do. But as I said earlier, this was a last-minute decision, and I didn’t think to pack it. I was simply trying to get here to spend the holidays with you. A suit never crossed my mind.”
She sniffed. “Showing up on Christmas Day is leaving it rather late. You could have planned better, Evan. You always were bad at time management.”
I counted to ten. “I told you I experienced car trouble.”
Kelsey glanced toward the window. “What year is that Buick? Maybe you need a newer, better car.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm. “Surely you can afford one.”
I held back my sigh. My surprise appearance had been greeted with nothing but annoyance and barely concealed contempt. As I suspected, my gifts were opened then discarded. They had disappeared at some point, and I had no idea where they went. Although I’d expected it, I was stunned at the level of indifference to the items I had chosen for them. Holly, I knew, would be devastated if she saw how they had been received.
My hopes that my sister had tempered with motherhood dissolved quickly. My niece, Mia, was looked after by a nanny, and, after some staged photos of the family by the tree, had been whisked away to another part of the house. I was allowed to hold her, but only briefly. I sat with her cradled in my arms, admiring her sweetness, and talking softly to her before she was taken away. There was no doubt they didn’t want her odd uncle to have much contact with her.
“My car is two years old, Kelsey. I don’t need to replace it yet. I rarely drive it since I use my work SUV most days. I need a bigger vehicle for transporting furniture.”
She and my mother made a face at my statement. I wasn’t sure if it was the thought of me driving a work SUV or the work I did. Neither would meet their standards.
“You will have to wear one of your father’s jackets for dinner,” my mother announced and stood. “Now I have to go see about the seating arrangements. Your presence makes the table an odd number, Evan. It is most inconvenient.”
She walked from the room, shaking her head and muttering under her breath. Kelsey met my gaze with a cool glance and followed.
I let my head fall forward.
An inconvenience. That was all I was to them. Other than his terse greeting, my father had ignored me except to remind me once more that my life was wasted. My brother sat in the corner, a drink in hand every moment, watching the entire debacle with a smirk on his face. I wondered if anyone else noticed the amount of alcohol he was imbibing. Surprisingly, my brother-in-law, Simon, seemed like a decent sort of guy, but Kelsey interrupted him every time we began to talk. He kept trying, but when she became irate, he gave up and, with a resigned look, left the room. I didn’t see him again until dinner, and we sat at opposite ends of the table. I did wonder briefly what a nice guy like him was doing married to Kelsey, but it was a question I knew I would never have an answer for. He, at least, seemed to care for his daughter. Aside from me, he was the only one who held her and appeared upset when she was removed from the room. I had a feeling there was a story there.
My brother and father had disappeared into my father’s study as soon as the gifts were done. I was not invited to join them. I had sat, as an observer only, watching them open their presents, noting with interest Simon didn’t participate. There had been nothing for me, of course, since I wasn’t expected, and I was ignored as they opened their over-the-top gifts, exclaiming over cruise tickets, custom-made suits, expensive liquor, and jewelry none of them needed, but wanted to have—simply for show. I tried not to feel slighted thinking of the fact that all I received at Christmas every year, this one included, was a card—not even personally signed.
I rubbed a hand over my weary eyes.
This had been a mistake of epic proportions.
I stood and climbed the steps to the guest room I had been given, albeit grudgingly. I needed a nap and a shower. In my room, I checked my phone. I had texted Holly and let her know I’d arrived, and I had hoped to hear from her. There was only one line waiting for me.
Glad you’re safe. Remember what I said, Evan. Show them who you are.
I shook my head. They didn’t want to know me, and they couldn’t care less about the person I was. I would never fit into their world and mine made them uncomfortable.
I lay down, sadness engulfing me. The wish t
hat I was beside Holly tugged at my chest. The thought of her filled me with a longing I had never experienced. I never should have left her.
Dinner was an awkward event as I sat in my borrowed jacket, listening to the talk that swirled around me in a roomful of strangers. I was rarely included in the conversation, so I spent the time instead thinking of the vast difference in the dinner with my family and their friends, compared to the one I’d shared with Holly the night before in her tiny kitchen. That small room had been filled with warmth and laughter. My parents’ large, opulent room, lit with candles and heavy with the overpowering stench of hothouse flowers, was as cold and fake as the people in it. There I was, nothing more than the son who was constantly lacking, but whose presence had to be tolerated. Last night, I had been the center of Holly's small world.
I far preferred that role.
But I kept my promise to Holly and myself. I attempted to break through to them, but I failed. The following day was fraught with tension, and no matter how innocently a conversation started, it became hostile and turned into an argument. Finally, my father and I exchanged heated words over my choices in life, and for the first time ever, I stood up to him. I used Holly's words when I informed him it was my life—not his. I was happy, enjoyed my work, and my quiet life. He made sure I understood exactly how he felt and what an utter failure I was in his eyes.