12
Evan
Christmas Eve Day
Holly was asleep on the sofa, curled up under the blanket I had draped over her. I loved watching her sleep. She always smiled and muttered, lost in a dream world I would never know about. Except the fact that she often said my name, which made me smile; I liked knowing I was in there somewhere.
Today, however, she grimaced more than smiled, and her feet moved restlessly. The storm was making her nervous and disturbing her sleep. I leaned up from my place on the floor, where I had been gazing at the lights on our Christmas tree, and rubbed her rounded tummy soothingly, murmuring nonsensical words to our daughter. That did the trick, as it always did. The rapid movements stopped for both of them, and my girls relaxed. Smiling, I left my hand on Holly's stomach as I watched her, thinking about the last two years.
The happiest two years of my life.
Holly was everything I had been looking for but never knew I needed. She filled a void in my life I hadn't even known existed. She showed me how to be happy being Evan, and I showed her how it felt to be someone's priority. Everything I did, every decision was made with her happiness in mind.
Together, we built a home and a life.
Together, we were strong.
As I expected, Carol, Dan, Tara, and Andrew loved her. Carol took her under her wing, and Holly blossomed. I stopped trying to gain the approval of my family and instead basked in the unconditional love of the Whittaker clan. They became the family both Holly and I never had.
Holly decided not to go to school and instead worked as an aide in the local kindergarten. She was loved by the kids and teachers alike, and she enjoyed the freedom of not having to worry about money anymore. My favorite days were when she hung out with me in my shop, handing me tools, singing along with the radio, as I’d discovered she loved to do on our winter drive here, or chatting about plans we had. Other times she painted or sketched in the studio above my shop, and I could hear her humming and moving around, content to have her nearby. We traveled and explored the Maritimes, falling more in love with the East Coast with every new discovery.
My Angel blossomed with the love that now surrounded her. I blossomed because of hers.
So many memories stirred as I watched my wife slumber.
The day I stumbled alone and frozen into Holly's life.
The day she said she loved me and I knew my heart would never again feel so cold.
Our quiet, beautiful wedding in our home, where we promised each other we'd never be alone again.
The poignant moment she told me I was going to be a father and the joy that I felt tear through my entire being.
All the laughter and tears we had shared. The deep peace and happiness she brought to my life.
One memory stirred, making my smile even wider.
I’d arranged an overnight trip for Holly, Carol, and Tara to a spa retreat I had heard a lot about. They had a special package that catered to mothers-to-be. Holly had been having difficulty sleeping—experiencing leg cramps, and struggling to get comfortable at times, so I sent all my girls off to be pampered, hoping some massages and relaxation would help.
As soon as the car was out of sight, Dan and Andrew showed up, and we got to work. We worked on the nursery, turning the room beside Holly’s and mine into a woodland playroom for the baby. I had taken one of Holly’s paintings of the woods around the house and had it turned into a mural for the wall. She had added some whimsical forest creatures into her painting, planning on hanging it in the nursery, and now the scene graced the wall behind the crib. A cute bunny, an inquisitive fawn, a pair of turtle doves perched on a branch, and even a sleepy owl could be found. We painted the walls a creamy yellow and moved in the furniture I had been working on secretly. A beautiful crib and dresser that had belonged to Carol and Dan now shone new and fresh under the lights. I had stripped and refinished them in natural tones, and Dan helped me build a changing table that matched. I added a thick rug, some stuffed animals, and a rocker Holly loved from my shop. Carol had been in on the project and had sewn the curtains and pretty bedding that went in the crib. All the room needed was our daughter.
From the day we found out it was a girl, I was beside myself in excitement. I vowed I would love and protect her with everything in me. She would never doubt how much she was loved, and she would always be safe and cared for in a stable, warm home. The loneliness Holly and I had each experienced in our childhoods would not be repeated. Not by my children.
Holly’s reaction to the room was nothing short of effusive. She had stood in the middle of the room, slowly turning, taking it all in. Then she’d burst into tears and flung herself into my arms.
“Happy tears?” I asked. It was hard to tell these days. She cried about a lot of things, and I was never completely sure if I needed to kick someone’s ass or simply hold her.
“It-it’s beautiful! All we need is our girl.”
I slid my hand over her rounded tummy. “Soon,” I crooned. “A few more months.”
In fact, the truth was that I was as impatient as Holly for our girl to arrive. I could hardly wait to meet her, hold her, and begin to show her the love I felt for her.
And soon, she would be here.
Suddenly, I needed to be closer to Holly. I needed to touch her. I moved up and tenderly traced her cheek with my mouth, her supple skin warm under my lips. Her eyes fluttered open, and she grinned at me. "Hey."
"Hi," I whispered.