I parked my car in the first available spot three houses down the block and met him on the sidewalk. He stood in front of his old home with his shoulders slumped, a ravaged expression on his handsome face. Whatever was racing through his mind had blinded him to reality. He didn’t seem to notice me until I spoke.
“Hey, I don’t know what’s going on here, but you’re acting kinda crazy. You can’t just stand out here staring at a house. Someone’s gonna call the cops on you. If Charlie thought I was a public relations loose end, he’s really gonna freak when he has to bail your ass outta jail.”
Seb scoffed. “I own this place, and I’m pretty sure it’s legal to stand on the sidewalk.”
“You literally just told me this is your sister’s house and she rents it—”
“From me,” he finished. “I bought it when she put it on the market a couple of years ago. It’s in my investment portfolio. I don’t deal with the day-to-day aspects and I forget what I own half the time, but I wanted to keep this. Mae rents it. But that’s not important.”
“And this house is?” I released an exasperated huff when he didn’t respond, then turned to the very ordinary bungalow that was roughly half the size of the multi-vehicle garage at his Brentwood estate. “Why is it important? Memories?”
Seb’s nostrils flared, and his hand trembled when he wiped his nose on his wrist. “Yes. Memories.”
I waited for him to continue. I didn’t want to push him, and I wasn’t sure what he needed anyway.
“Um, okay. You do your thing. I’m here. Just let me know when you’re ready to go home.” I inched closer when he didn’t reply. Which, in retrospect, was very fucking brave of me. He was so tightly wound. It was obvious to anyone paying attention that he was a human time bomb. “Seb?”
“There is no thing to do here. It’s all been done,” he whispered cryptically.
I sucked in a deep breath, casting a wary gaze up and down the quiet street. “Whatever it was, it happened a long time ago, right? You can’t go backward.”
To my relief, he nodded. “You’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. C’mon. I’ll buy you a shake and—”
“You know what sucks?”
“Uh…no.”
“Even if I could go back in time, I’d still be powerless. I never had the balls to stand up for myself. I was a fucking coward. I did as I was told, but I never did the right thing,” he choked. “You have no idea what I’ve lost. No idea what I threw away to please people who never…never saw me. Never knew me. And God help me, I fucking hate them.”
I swallowed hard. “Your parents?”
He let out a humorless laugh. “It’s a cop-out to blame your dead parents for your faults and failures. The worst kind of cop-out. But tonight…”
A single tear slid down his cheek unchecked.
“Seb…”
“I lost him. I really fucking lost him.”
All the sorrow and sadness I’d sensed skimming the surface exploded in a heaving gasp of pain. He covered his mouth to hold it inside and shook all over with the effort. I didn’t know if it was the right move, but I had to do something. I pulled him into my arms and held him while he grieved his ghosts.
“Shh. It’s okay.”
Seb accepted comfort for a minute or so, then stepped aside, averting his gaze as he wiped at his eyes. “It’s not okay. I’m sorry. So sorry. I shouldn’t have asked for a ride. I should have let you go. I’m a mess. A fucking mess.”
“No, you’re not. You’re fine.”
“Fine? Ha. Look at me. I’m shaking. I’m…I’m so…” He held his hands in front of him as if he were amazed that he couldn’t control his body. “Pissed. If I had a rock, I’d throw that motherfucker through the front window. Shatter it to pieces. Shatter it.”
“Seb…”
“I broke it with a baseball when I was a kid. Ten or eleven. He beat the shit out of me for it. One mistake. My dad didn’t like mistakes. And he fucking hated fairies. The idea that his son might be one…holy shit. That was bad. Real bad.”
“Seb…”
“If he caught me looking at another boy, lights out. If he heard any queerness in my voice…whatever the fuck that meant, I was toast.” He shook his fist angrily at the house. “I was dirty. I was unclean. Well, fuck that. Fuck that.”
He picked up a small rock at the base of a tree and cocked his arm. I intercepted it like a pro tackle sacking a quarterback before he launched a missile to the end zone.
“Hey, hey, hey. Drop the rock, man. It’s over. He’s gone. Long gone. Come with me.” When he nodded, I hugged him a little close for a moment, then steered him to the car.