I smiled through the sheen of tears, wiping them clumsily with my sleeve. “I know, right? It never occurred to me that I’d been played. Or that I was nothing more than an insurance policy in case things went south with her ‘sure thing.’ ”
“But why? Why would she do that to you? Why would she lie?”
I scoffed. “You told me yourself—people lie all the time. It’s survival of the fittest out there. Annie used me to get what she wanted, and she got it. Everything else I told you at the bar the night we met was true. She married the guy after he divorced his wife, had another kid, and lives the posh life somewhere in Orange County. I haven’t seen her in years. I’d like to tell you I immediately wished her well and maturely moved on with my life, but you can probably tell that wasn’t the case. I fought her. I demanded a DNA test, I demanded to see my son, I demanded that someone somewhere make this right. To her credit, Annie tried. She was so fucking reasonable in her happiness. She provided the test, granted me visitation times—and she named him after me. She said we’d always be connected…through him.”
“That doesn’t sound healthy.”
“I assure you, it was not. I held him once, and I knew I couldn’t do it again. I wish I was a better man, but I had too much hurt and pride. What could I ever be to that boy? A runner-up dad? A friend? Or the truth…a sucker who loved the idea of being someone important. It was a very fucking ugly time. My parents insisted that I come home, so I did for a few months. I moved into my childhood bedroom and sank into depression. And when the fog cleared, I returned to LA for a redo. For me.” I wrinkled my nose and gave a self-deprecating shrug. “Ten years later, I’ll admit it’s been a slow ride.”
“I don’t know what to say. That’s…a terrible story.”
“Yeah, I never lead with that one,” I joked.
“It’s not funny.”
“No, it’s not. I think the hardest part now is my parents. You know, they still come visit me every August…around the twenty-seventh. It was sad in the beginning, but now it’s a habit. They love me. Showing up is how they demonstrate affection. That and food,” I said with a laugh.
“You’re lucky.”
“I am. Hey, I know that story is a downer. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me or angry on my behalf. I don’t hate Annie. I know life is a series of choices. I’d hate to be judged for the worst decision I made at my lowest point. Yeah, I got screwed, but I also learned a valuable lesson about trusting my instincts. And trusting others. If it’s not obvious, I don’t do that well. But I’m trying.”
He squeezed my hand again. “You can trust me.”
I did trust him.
I would never have shared that episode if I doubted him. I didn’t have much to offer a man like Seb. I didn’t have money, I didn’t have connections, and my sparkling personality tended to fizzle when my bullshit meter ran low. I was no one’s idea of a catch. And that was fine by me. I was good at being single.
But I’d crossed some kind of divide with Seb. My heart and my head were no longer in sync. I felt like my old self when I was with him. Less jaded, less suspicious. More willing to be vulnerable. The man who had nothing wanted to give him something. My only currency was truth.
The truth was…I felt something for Seb I hadn’t felt in a very long time.
Something that felt like love.
13
SEB
Dinner was incredible. I had no idea what we ate, though. Filet mignon or beef Wellington or salmon? Didn’t matter. I was too busy basking in a candlelit romantic daze with the most improbable prince on Earth. This brawny, hunk of a man with soulful eyes and a heart of gold had given me his body and his time, but he’d always kept something from me. Until tonight.
I understood why. His hurt was the kind that stuck with you for a while. Although he was pretty well-adjusted for someone who’d been sucker-punched, then had his heart trampled on. I was grateful he’d trusted me. Hell, I was just grateful for Trent.
The past couple of months felt like a calm in a storm. The real world hadn’t stopped. Urgent messages, last-minute meetings, promotional mumbo jumbo, and issues with distributors were part of the job. So were sleeping pills, blood pressure medication, and Tums. But all that madness didn’t touch me.
Don’t get me wrong. The pressure was still there. I sat in those meetings, placated investors, and promised shit I hoped I could deliver while smiling like a cat who’d found the last patch of sunlight in a cold house in winter. The difference was Trent. I knew he hadn’t set out to be my bodyguard or my lover…and certainly not my boyfriend. Fake or sort of real.