We joined the dogs on the shore, and I stood for a moment, breathing in the fresh air. I was hungry, as I’m sure Matthew was, too. Apparently, me throwing up at the smell of the fish and chips had put him off his appetite for a while earlier.
I couldn’t imagine why.
It was nice to just stand here for a while. Everything had changed since that test came up positive—it’d all happened at a rapid speed, and it was almost as if the knowledge that I was pregnant had triggered all the symptoms.
Aside from the fact I wasn’t sure if I could stand another several weeks of being sick, I couldn’t help the niggle in the back of my mind.
Regardless of my feelings for Matthew—that were rapidly growing to a point I wasn’t sure I could say that I wasn’t falling in love—we were in this situation for an heir.
His heir had to be male.
There was, of course, a fifty-fifty chance that this baby would not be a boy.
It seemed like such a silly thing to worry about this early on when I really shouldn’t be worrying, but I couldn’t help it.
Did he really want a boy?
Would he be upset if the baby was a girl?
Would anyone be happy? Would I be happy if it was a girl?
What if we weren’t?
“What’s on your mind?”
I blinked and looked at Matthew. “Hm?”
“You were staring at a rock like it was going to launch itself at you. Baxter even ran into your leg, and you didn’t even flinch. What are you thinking about so intently that you didn’t notice that freight train hitting you?”
I smiled in the dog’s direction. He really was a freight train on four legs, just with zero sense of direction.
“What if the baby isn’t a boy?” I asked quietly, staring out at the water.
“That’s what you’re thinking about?”
“That’s the reason we got married in the first place. What if—after all this, where this happened sooner than we planned and we both…” I took a deep breath before slowly sighing it out. “Have unexpected feelings for each other,” I continued after a moment. “What if all this happened and it’s a girl?”
“Then it’s a girl,” he said slowly, his gaze boring a hole into the side of my head. “Eva, it’s not the end of the world if this baby is a girl. It’s not the end of the world if we never have a boy in the end. It never has been. Remember what we agreed on before we got married.”
I swallowed. “In the event of two girls we could call it quits,” I said quietly.
What…
Oh, God.
What if that happened? What if this baby was a girl and I was crazy enough to have another and that was a girl?
Would he want to call it quits?
Find someone he could have a boy with?
“No.” Matthew grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. “I know exactly what you’re thinking right now.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do. You’re thinking that if we end up having two girls, I’d stick to the agreement we originally made.”
I looked down at the pebbles, but he reached out and cupped my face with one hand, forcing my gaze back up.
“In case I wasn’t quite clear enough earlier when I told you that I wasn’t going to divorce you, let me try this instead: I don’t give a fuck about that agreement.” His blue eyes blazed, and he brought his hand to my other cheek so he was cradling my face. “I don’t give a fuck what we said, I don’t give a fuck what we agreed, and I couldn’t give a bloody damn about what was supposed to happen.”
My heart thumped against my ribs. “I—”
He pressed one thumb to my lips, cutting me off. “I care what is happening, Eva. What’s happening is that you’re pregnant, and I’m in love with you.”
I drew in a sharp, deep breath that made my spine snap straight.
“I love you and I love this baby. Boy or girl. It doesn’t matter as long as they’re healthy and happy and you are, too.” Matthew rested his forehead against mine. “Would a boy be great? Yes, of course. It means my family legacy can continue, but the world won’t stop turning if it doesn’t, and I won’t be any less thrilled if we have a girl. Just because the earldom requires a male heir doesn’t mean it necessarily has to be my son. It can be my grandson, as long as I’m alive.”
“But what if you change your mind?”
“I cannot imagine a situation in which I stop loving you.”
“You’re ridiculous. You’ve loved me for ten minutes.”
“So? It doesn’t mean I don’t know what I feel. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have eventually fallen in love with you anyway. There’s a reason we kept seeing each other after we met, Eva, and it wasn’t because we had no other options.”