“I was scared,” I whisper. It’s a quite admission, but I know he hears it. I want to go to him, to bend him over a tombstone and fuck him into submission. To make sure he knows that he’s mine. I glance at Zaria, her eyes shimmer. Even at this distance, I can tell she’s just as hurt as Finn.
The past few days we’ve grown closer, there were some things I told them that I’ve never told anyone else. But the one thing I didn’t admit to was what I had done. The wealth I was born into didn’t fix my mistake. I had to suffer alone, and I did, for a long time.
Until him.
Until I found solace in Thorne Haven.
“You’re just like her,” Finn finally spits, his words hitting me right in the chest. I know who he’s talking about, and since he told us the story, Zaria knows who he’s talking about as well.
“I never left you,” I tell him. “I didn’t give up on us, on life.” My words cause him to wince. It’s the truth though. They say the truth hurts, and I’ve seen it so many times before. The destruction a few words can bring is nothing like a fist to the face. Perhaps that’s why there are so many broken people out there. They’re all searching for happiness. But just one simple phrase could shatter everything they built.
“Don’t you dare—”
“Leave Finn,” I tell him, my anger and pain taking a hold of me. Like I always do, I push those who care about me away. But this time, his father forced the situation on us. “It’s what everyone does.” My words may come across as confident, but my hurt forces them from my lips. I don’t mean it, not with him. And he should know it. At least I hope he does.
“Why did you lie?” He steps closer now, and all I want to do is pull him even closer. “Why did you not tell me that you’re part of the same society my family is? Did you think I would send you away? Did you think my feelings for you were so fucking fleeting that I’d just change my mind and tell you to fuck off?” With every question, Finn shoves at my chest until my back hits a trunk of the large oak tree behind me. He’s inches from me, I can feel the heat radiating off him.
“Finn, stop,” Zaria pleads with him, her hand on his arm, and it’s only then that rage clears from those dark eyes. I don’t blame him for being angry. I would be too. And I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to walk away.
“Why? Just tell me the fuck why, Jarred?” His voice cracks with the betrayal of what I did. Even though I never initiated into the Gilded Sovereign, I am still one of the sons born to the legacy. And it’s a well-known fact that the two societies may work in sync, but we’re rivals at the best of times. “Why, Jarred?” Finn asks again, this time through clenched teeth.
“Because I didn’t want to lose you,” I shout to the darkness, to the ghosts that listen as we fight. The truth spilling from my lips as easily as a damn volcano erupting in its anger.
Finn doesn’t respond. He just looks at me as if I were a stranger and that hurts more than seeing him walk away. Over the years, we’ve come to know each other, we’ve had our arguments, our debates, and challenges, but this, the cold look in his eye, it’s new. And it slices a hole right through my gut.
“We’re going to head back to Thorne Haven,” he says, gesturing to Zaria. “I think it’s best if you stayed here, perhaps thought about what it is you need and want in your life. If it’s not us, then I’m not sure what else I can say to you.”
He turns and walks away. The movement is slow, controlled, but Zaria remains. Her golden eyes shine as she regards me with both confusion and hurt.
When she steps up to me, she smiles. “He’ll come around,” she says. “I know he loves you and I care about you, more than I thought I would or could.” Her voice is a salve to my broken soul. I pray that she’s right. I throw up all my prayers to the sky, to a deity I’m not sure I believe is listening.
“I don’t know,” I tell her. “I’ve never seen him so angry.”
“Anger is not forever. Love is stronger than any emotion, even hate. And once you’ve given your heart, no matter how much it hurts, you cannot dig someone out.”
“I don’t know if he felt as strongly about me as I did him. Even when I told him I love him, he never once said it back to me.” The admission pains me to say, but she needs to know where I stand.