I hate that I feel so hollow in his absence.
I spend the rest of the day in Caleb’s room, wanting to be as far away from anything Jude as possible.
Caleb tries to explain football to me, then asks me a thousand never-ending questions about England. It’s easy to talk to him, and for a while I forget that we aren’t just friends hanging out. I forget that I’m their prisoner.
No. I refuse to put Caleb in the same bracket as his older brother. He’s too nice. He’s my safe place in this den of vipers. I’m Jude’s prisoner. Not Caleb’s.
The sunlight outside the barred windows eventually fades, and the dark night creeps in.
Caleb turns the volume on the TV down. Then he makes his pallet on the floor and turns off the light.
The hum of yet another football game lulls me to sleep, but instead of being greeted by dreams, I’m plunged into twisted nightmares of rough hands and sharp blades. The scent of pine intrudes on my nightmare, the familiar smell calming the panic galloping through my chest. Strong arms wrap around me. They feel so real that I stir from sleep only to realize I’m actually being lifted from the bed. By Jude.
“Seriously?” Caleb whisper-shouts. “Man, this is messed up.”
“Shut the fuck up, Caleb.” The soft glow from the TV is just enough that I catch the stern glare Jude shoots his brother before he carries me into the hall.
I know I shouldn’t find the slightest amount of comfort in his bare chest, but I can’t help it. Some innate, irrational part of me trusts him. How can a dangerous man—a man I know I should fear, and did fear—feel safe? Because he’s never actually hurt me. Because he didn’t order that man to hurt me. Because he’s keeping me to protect me.
“You’re not sleeping in my brother’s bed.”
And I have no idea what to make of that. It sounds extremely close to jealousy. At the very least possession.
A few seconds later, Jude places me amongst his crumpled sheets. I expect him to take his spot on the floor like he has the last two nights. But he doesn’t. He stands at the edge of the bed for a moment, watching me before he gets in beside me.
I tense. “What are you doing?” I whisper into the darkness.
“I don’t fucking know…”
We lay in silence, until I finally roll onto my side and look at him. Jude stares at the ceiling, and I want to hate him for looking so crushed right now, but I can’t quite muster it.
“I swear on my mother and sister’s graves that I didn’t tell him to do that to you.”
And I believe him. “Okay.” It doesn’t alleviate everything else he’s done, but the crippling rage and hate lessen somewhat. “You haven’t let me go though.”
He swallows. “I can’t.”
And just like that, the anger is back. I sit up and glare down at him. “You won’t, Jude. Even after your uncle…after he…” I stumble over my words, unable to give voice to what Bob did to me. Tears clog my throat and I despise myself for allowing him to make me so weak. “You still won’t let me go.”
“Goddamn it!” He sits up. “Do you want to know what will happen if I let you go? Because I can go get video footage and show you exactly what Tom Campbell will do to you when he gets ahold of you.” Am I supposed to know who this guy is? They all seem to think I do.
“Who is Tom Campbell?”
“He’s Euan’s uncle. And for whatever reason, he wanted you here.” Of all the things I expected him to say, that was not it. Euan never even mentioned an uncle. Why would the man have any interest in me?
“Why?”
His jaw sets. “I don’t know. But what I do know is he will kill you whenever you’ve served your purpose.”
I shake my head, overwhelmed and confused as to how the hell I ended up in the middle of all this. Did Euan deliberately get in debt with Jude just to do his uncle's bidding? And why Jude? “Who is Euan’s uncle to you?”
“A man I want to fucking kill.” Jude wanted to kill a lot of people. He killed Rich with zero remorse, but I somehow knew this was more than that.
“What did he do to you?”
Jude stares at the bedspread, his nostrils flaring. The silence stretches between us and I let out a disappointed sigh.
“Look, you want me to stay here, to accept being your damn captive…” Not that I would ever accept it. Jude is the bad guy, but in a warped way, I believe he’s trying to protect me. “I know you won’t hurt me, but you have to give me something, Jude, to make me understand.”