He’s giving me that same look right now.
Like he knows.
“Hoyt.”
The sound of Harrison’s voice brings me back from that day. I let go of Julio’s shirt and step away from him, out of breath. Julio stays against the wall, studying me, eyebrows pulled together with tension. He doesn’t say anything, but it’s clear he has a lot to say.
“Hoyt,” says Harrison again.
“What?” I snap, looking at him.
Harrison just stands there, stony and wordless, as if waiting for me to read his mind or understand something I’ve done wrong. But I feel too angry to understand anything right now.
“Just go,” I nearly growl at Julio and the others. “Don’t want to miss your stupid movie.”
After a second more of staring at me, Julio puts an arm around a rather affronted Stacey, then heads off without another word. Lee slows as he walks past me, mutters, “Sorry for laughin’, didn’t mean anything, really,” then follows the others down the street to the Spruce Cinema 5. I’m left staring at the wall of T&S’s. All I see is red as I take one breath at a time, trying to calm down.
Harrison eclipses my view. “What was that?”
I shut my eyes and shake my head. “Forget it. Nothing.”
“That wasn’t nothing.”
“I said it was nothing. Now let’s get the damned cake and save my sister’s birthday party.” I turn away and head for the Shoppe.
Chapter 18
Harrison
We’re back in the truck. A pretty pink-and-blue cake sits on Hoyt’s lap in the passenger seat. Just as Billy promised, it’s the last premade they had available: a monster cake, with big teeth and scary eyes. The guy at the counter added some pink squiggles and details to make it more “appropriate for a girl’s birthday”, but it did little to make it cute and only succeeded in making it slightly more terrifying. That’s what we get for Billy not being there, but a cake is a cake, and it’ll taste just the same. Hoyt was fuming too much to pay much attention to anything. Apparently there are no less than eleven other parties and celebrations occurring all over Spruce, hence the lack of a selection.
“Hey.” I pat his shoulder. “We gonna talk?”
“I’m tryin’ not to blow up here.” He stares down at the cake. “Motherfucker. They spelled her name wrong.”
“Whatever that was with your friend …” I start.
“It’s with a G, not a J. Damn it to hell, I even made the joke before we left the house.” Hoyt pinches the bridge of his nose. “I am not gonna blow up, I am not gonna blow up …”
My own patience is running thin, too. “You can’t go causing a scene like that out in the streets, Hoyt. You work on Gary’s farm now. You represent the Strongs.”
“I know that.”
“People were watching you guys. You didn’t notice, but I did.”
“I said I know that,” he snaps, then takes a breath and shakes his head. “I’ve been representin’ the damned Strongs since I was a freshman in high school trying not to let Coach Strong down.”
I sigh. “Well, I’m just saying, your behavior reflects on all of us. Myself included. And if—”
“You think this is what I’m gonna be for the rest of my life?” Hoyt snaps again, his eyes on the verge of tears as he turns them onto me. “This is just for now. My summer job. Nothin’ more. I’m not a fuckin’ farmer. Once the summer’s over, I’m off to Austin where I’ll … where I’m gonna …” His fuel runs out. He stares down at the cake. “I’m finally gonna … I’ll finally …” He shuts his eyes.
I’ve never seen him like this.
Of course he isn’t staying at the farm. I told myself that many times already, didn’t I? Hoyt is just here for now. His stay at Gary’s is temporary. Once he’s got the means, he’ll be gone before I can even say goodbye. And just like I told him would happen, he will be off to college, meeting guys his age, guys he’ll be hot for.
Except we’ve already gone past that point of no return.
We took each other’s virginity. It already happened.
I knew I should have practiced restraint that night.
“Sorry,” he finally says, his voice shaky. “I really am. I’m … I’m sorry about all of that. I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s alright.”
“No. Stop excusin’ my shitty-ass behavior. I shouldn’t have … I shouldn’t have lost my temper with Julio, and I shouldn’t have said I’m not gonna be a farmer forever or whatever. Who knows. I may be here for a hundred years before I can afford to even buy a decent truck. Maybe I’ll realize I love farming. Maybe football was just a … fun, dumb thing I did in school. Amounts to nothing. Not all of us can be the Spruce Juice that Tanner was.” He gnaws on his lip and sighs. “Sorry. I think I’m just … scared of losin’ myself.”