Entering the apartment building, I go toward the elevator this time rather than take the stairs. I expect Chase to go in the opposite direction, not to follow me, but he does, right into the elevator. As it starts it climb, he goes to the panel and presses the “stop” button.
I’m fighting tears as it is.
There’s no way I can do this.
It’s too much. Too raw and I’ve not got up enough walls. I need them firmly back in place right now.
Suddenly, he’s right in front of me, cupping my face, tilting my head back to look into my eyes. I let him. What else can I do? There’s no hiding, trapped in an elevator. Now I wish I’d taken the stairs.
So stupid.
“What is it, Faye? Talk to me.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“You’re my boss and the man…” I sob, I can’t help it. “The man I sold myself to. I can’t talk. I can’t…”
His lips brush mine.
“You can trust me, Faye. You’re mine. Remember that. One hundred percent mine. You sold yourself to me. No one else. To me. Whatever it is, you need to get it out.”
Tears blur my vision as I look at him.
Words halt in my throat, and I don’t know what to do or what to say. Everything is so messed up right now, and I can’t think.
I replay Kerry’s words inside my head. I’m not using her to hold me back. I’m taking care of her like I failed to do.
“She liked it,” I say. The words come out of my mouth before I can stop them.
“What?”
Once I start, I can’t make it stop. This is the secret I’ve been carrying. The only other people to know are the medical professionals.
“That’s why I needed the money. When, erm, when I found my stepfather raping my sister, I reported his ass straight away. Kerry attacked me. She hit me. Screamed at me. She told me they were in love. That I’d ruined her life by doing it and she was going to make me pay. She said she loved him. She loved when he was inside her.” The tears start to fall and don’t stop.
“Jesus,” Chase says. He doesn’t let go of me, but he wipes the tears away, and then his arms are right around my body, holding me tightly. He kisses the top of my head.
I sob.
After all the time that has passed, all the revelations from Kerry, from my stepfather, all of it, I just break apart and shatter. Throughout it all, Chase continues to hold me. he doesn’t let go, and I don’t want him to. I need his arms, his touch … his love?
“What happened?” he asks.
“It’s why I needed money. Kerry ended up the hospital. She was very sick, and the doctors said he’d been abusing her, brainwashing her. She was trying to hurt herself, and they had to restrain her. She needed to see the truth, so they put her through a program that helped her to see the facts. It required her to stay within a psychiatric facility and a doctor who could help Kerry come to terms with what had happened. They stripped away his training of her and helped her to realize what had been going on.”
“Was she the only one?”
“No. That’s how we knew it wasn’t love. There were three more girls on the street that came forward after I revealed what happened. They told the truth of how he showed them attention when no one else would. He made them trust him, believe he was there to be their friend, and made them feel special and loved. It all led to sex for him. He would ask them to do things to show their love for him. It was really rape and control. He got off on the power, and one of the girls, I don’t know why, it’s like she realized what was happening was wrong. He loved that these young girls couldn’t say no to him. It was a cycle of abuse that because he’d been well-liked, no one would have believed. After I exposed what he did to Kerry and that girl came forward, another two did also. There could have been others, but we don’t know for certain.”
“They believed you?”
I nod. “They couldn’t doubt it. He only targeted girls from families that were from ill repute, not that it was acceptable or anything. It sickens me to think of how long he was doing it. The doctor said that the kind of abuse she suffered, it had been going on for years. Before he finally did the act, he could have been working her since we first met with my mom.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have told you this.”
“Faye, you consider the night we met something dirty because I paid you. I stopped any other man from having you, and even if you weren’t for sale and we met in a bar, I’d have wanted you. Simple as that. Don’t think for a second that I regard that night as anything dirty. Far from it. I loved it, every fucking second, and I can’t wait to do it again.”