Love on the Lake (Lakeside 2)

By the time I’m calm enough to get ready for work, I don’t have time for a shower. I wash my face and apply makeup, trying to keep my emotions in check so I don’t start crying and make my skin all blotchy. I also don’t have time to grab a coffee, and Aaron took my caffeine pills. I have one energy drink left, though, and that should get me through until lunch. I can make it until then.

I get in my car, not loving the new clunking sound that only happens when I’m in reverse. I keep reminding myself to breathe and relax all the way to work. I pull into Harry’s Hardware, and I’m halfway across the parking lot when I realize I’m not wearing my store shirt and that it’s not Wednesday, it’s Friday, and I’m supposed to be at Bernie’s. I arrive with five minutes to spare, which is a heck of a lot better than late.

My stomach is a mess, and I can’t seem to get a handle on how much my hands are shaking, but I manage to make it through the day. I know I’m off; I can see it in Bernie’s concerned gaze. He lets me go home an hour early, telling me to get a head start on my weekend.

When I get to my apartment, I realize I left my bed unmade, which is totally not like me at all. And I lost it on Aaron, also very unlike me. I’m half-embarrassed by the way I acted and half-angry that he would come at me like that before I even had a chance to wake up.

I smooth out the covers and frown when I notice the rest of the contents of the medicine cabinet are no longer strewn about the comforter. This morning feels like a million years ago. The whole thing is a haze. I look under the bed and find a mostly empty bottle of my attention deficit medication but nothing else. I rush to the garbage can, but all it contains is an empty bottle of vodka and the half loaf of bread I threw out because it was stale.

I tap my lips, panic starting to take over. “He couldn’t have taken them,” I murmur to myself, but as soon as the words are out, I have to wonder if I’m wrong about that.

I rush to the bathroom and open the medicine cabinet. Which is when I discover that it’s totally empty. All that’s left are the bottles I tossed in there this morning when I was in the middle of my temper tantrum. My hands are shaking as I pick them all up and spread them out on my bed. Which still smells like Aaron’s cologne.

I grab my purse and my overnight bag and dump them both out, then sift through the contents, pulling out my prescriptions and my backup medications, for those occasions when I forget or am at risk of running out. He can’t be right. I don’t have a problem. My doctor wouldn’t prescribe me medication I don’t need. Maybe I need to cool it on the caffeine pills, but other than that, everything else is harmless.

I try to be logical about this. Aaron is hypersensitive to this kind of thing, considering what he’s been through. He wasn’t trying to attack me; he thought he was helping. I know he cares about me the same way I care about him. At least I think he does.

I have an extra bottle of my attention deficit medication, leftovers from before my doctor increased the dose because it wasn’t as effective. And I have an extra week’s worth of the prescription for sleep, but it’s also at a lower dose. And even the current dose hasn’t been working all that well. Not recently. So I’ve had to take some over-the-counter stuff to help. I can up those if I need to, at least until I can get in to see my doctor. I’m lower on my antianxiety meds than I realized, and that worries me, because the more anxious I am, the more likely I am to struggle with sleeping. It’s a vicious cycle. One I had under control. And now everything is fucked up.

I force myself to take deep breaths. I need to stay calm. I can’t afford to burn through the rest of my Valium this weekend. Not because Aaron thinks he knows what’s best for me. At least I have my prescriptions. The rest is over-the-counter stuff that can easily be replaced.

I avoid his calls. Despite trying to be rational, I’m too upset to talk to him. I spend the night in my jammies, drinking martinis and trying to work on one of the new projects for the Stitches. I can’t focus on anything, though, and I can’t remember if I took my attention meds this morning or not.