The Life: Sacrifice (The Life 3)

“So, what was all of this about? Why did you even get involved in my life if you were going to do this?” Fuck, Gianna, just go, please take the words I’ve already said and go, don’t make me have to come up with some harsh shit that I won’t even mean just to put space between us.

“Was it just a game to you from beginning to end? I’m not a doll for you to play dress-up with and then discard when you get bored. I’m a whole person.” Where the hell is this coming from?

She thinks I didn’t mean any of it, and I have no choice but to let her. This, this is hell. Somehow, I couldn’t help reaching out for her, though, almost subconsciously. “I’m sorry, Gianna, I’m so sorry, but there’s no way for us to be together.”

Because if the people I’m about to go after know about you, I’m afraid you might be hurt. And if the day ever comes that you learn the truth about my birth… “As I said, you need to leave New Hampshire; you can’t be here.” How did I not know that this was one of my fears? That the thought of her knowing where I came from filled me with such angst and dread? If no one else, I want her to never know this, never.

“OK, you’ve made your point.” She turned in a huff and started heading back the way she came.

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t want to be alone, and you don’t want to be with me, so I’m going to go find someone who does?”

“What the hell does that mean?

“Exactly what I said. You don’t need to worry about me anymore. You’ve made your point extremely clear. Thanks for all that you’ve done for me. I owe you, or maybe we’re even since I gave you the only thing I had worth giving.”

Low blow, but it hit the mark. I had to stand there and grit my teeth with my fists clenched as she walked away from me. Just one more thing I’ve lost because of Ricci. The pain was unbearable, like being physically hit by an SUV going ninety miles per hour. It was almost too hard to breathe, but I refused to let the tears that threatened fall.

I felt just a hint of pride at her feistiness there at the end, but then her parting words replayed themselves in my head, and I hurried to follow her. Just who is this person she’s running to? Whoever he is, I’ll pound him into mush. She can’t do that, can’t have that in front of me. The hypocrisy and double standards of my thinking weren’t lost on me. I don’t give a fuck. If anybody’s near her, they’re going to get it.

I ran back onto campus in time to see her walking away between the twins. Why did that fill me with such relief? It should be none of my business now, right. I’d done what I’d planned to where she’s concerned. Things hadn’t been as smooth as I’d have hoped, but it hadn’t been too bad either. In a few days, I’m sure it’ll blow over, and she’ll be happy again.

I told myself that as I headed back to class, feeling like the bottom had dropped out. Usually, in situations like these, I can talk myself through it keep my head on straight. But I’ve never been in a situation quite like this, so the emotions were all new, and they were vicious.

I couldn’t use philosophy on this one; I felt pure raw emotion. So much so that by the time school came to an end that day, I could barely put one foot in front of the other without feeling physical pain. Without my years of training, I doubt I would’ve made it. A lesser man would’ve fallen, I think. There’s no way anyone could hold up under this heavy load of heartache and regret.

I didn’t see her that evening, and the twins weren’t talking to me, so I had no idea how she got home. Lancelot was pissed when we pulled through the gates to home together like Pop had ordered. “What’s eating you?” My words sounded off even to my ears. He gave me a scathing look that I knew only too well. He wanted to hit me, but his brotherly instinct won’t let him.

“Gia’s grandmother picked her up from school.”

“Oh, so that’s where she went.”

“It was before school was over. What the hell did you say to her at lunch? Why did she have to be walked out of the building like she was doubled over in pain?”

“What?”

“Where’re you going? Unc told us to be here.”

At his words, I stopped short on my way to the car, feeling torn. The only thing that kept me from going after her, though is the fact that it was for the best. My going there now would change nothing; there’s nothing to be done, no turning back. So, I took another deep breath and turned back to the house.