Fuck It (Yama Yama)

“I volunteer!” Bobby Jo says, raising her hand like she’s waiting to be picked. She even waves it in the air a little frantically, desperate to be chosen.

But all that does is make me think of that classroom full of young, hot guys who raised their hands for Ms. Nice and begged to be chosen for the ‘afterschool special.’

I get a little nauseated.

I was watching porn?! With my father?!

How did I not realize this sooner?! Damn my mother for banning us from TV!

“You didn’t notice they don’t show penetration on regular shows?” Lydia asks, then clears her throat.

“I don’t watch regular shows! I wasn’t ever allowed when growing up, then I never had time once I did grow up. Still don’t. I only watch commercials to keep a competitive edge, and I do that on my phone or iPad.”

I think I’m going to be sick. Really sick.

“Who watches commercials but not TV?” Henley asks on a gasp, as though that’s the most disturbing part of this entire conversation.

“How old were you?” Emitt asks.

“Ten. Eleven at most. He found me one night and kicked me out. Then started locking the door,” I confess, now realizing why he locked me out.

Oh, I’m going to need therapy to deal with this.

“Makes sense from a brain-mapping standpoint. You associate your first encounters with sex to be the norm. So obviously that would have become your norm. You just need to adjust your norm, unless you like the slapping and dirty talk.”

I just like the orgasms. I thought I was making sex good for them. I didn’t realize I was being loud enough for Bobby Jo to overhear all that from next door.

“I sort of want to die at the moment,” I say, drinking the rest of the wine. I try to sit up in my seat and almost fall off it. How much wine have I had?

“It’s the same for anyone in a new relationship. You have to adjust your mind to start giving your new partner what they want instead of what your old partner preferred,” Emitt says while I’m busy getting dizzy. “That’s why it’s always hard for people to move on from a lengthy relationship; they have to change everything intimate that they’ve grown accustomed to.”

I’m pretty sure my entire life just changed now that I’ve been totally traumatized. “You just ruined my childhood,” I groan, scrubbing my face with one hand.

“Fix her since you broke her,” I hear Lydia saying. “I have to get back to school. I didn’t realize how long we’d been here.”

“My car is here. I’ll give you a ride,” Henley volunteers, but it’s all just background noise as they leave.

My phone chirps, and I look down, seeing Anderson has sent a text.

Anderson: I’m five minutes from you.

* * *

Me: Good. I’m definitely ready to go.

I put my phone away and look across the table at Kasha. There’s an odd mixture of pity, horror, and laughter in her eyes.

“I’m sorry?” she says, swallowing down a surprise bubble of laughter.

“Sorry that you ruined my childhood?” I growl.

“Hey! BJ pointed out that you were watching porn!” she defends.

Bobby Jo frowns over at me. “I’ll make you some more cupcakes, sugar. You’re gonna need them.”

Emitt squeaks and leaps out of his chair. “Keep your hands to yourself, woman!”

He moves to my other side, and Bobby Jo grins at him. “I do like a good game of cat and mouse. Meow.”

“He’s supposed to be here for Sicily,” Kasha says on a sigh, confusing me.

“I knew this was a setup!” Emitt accuses. “You lied and said more guys would be here.”

“This is supposed to be a date?” I hiss. “And you brought up the porn and my bad sex!”

Pretty sure hearing about your date’s childhood turning into a pornographic nightmare is the top ten listings of bad date material.

“For fuck’s sake, I didn’t bring up the porn!”

“Am I interrupting?” Anderson’s voice has me going completely stiff, and Kasha swings her gaze up, confused.

“Well, hello there, you tall, sexy drink of orgasm juice,” Bobby Jo purrs.

Anderson gives her a smile and a wink, and I’m pretty sure the table rattles against her full-body shudder.

“What are you doing here?” Kasha asks him.

“Picking up Sicily for our meeting.”

I start to stand, but I tip sideways, finding my legs to be pointless too late. Anderson’s arm goes around my waist, quickly saving me. When he draws me against his body and brushes my hair away from my face, concern in his eyes, I give a full-body shudder.

“Um…what the actual hell?” I hear Kasha asking when I lean into his hand that’s on my cheek.

“Did you seriously get her drunk?” Anderson asks, narrowing his eyes at Kasha.

“I didn’t get her drunk! Why am I being blamed for everything?”

“You?” he asks Emitt, his grip tightening on my waist.

Emitt holds his hands up. “I’m just avoiding getting groped and talking entirely too much about my knowledge of porn.”