Fuck It (Yama Yama)

The hot water feels amazing, washing away the grimy feel from getting caught out in the rain. Lying back in the sweet-scented water, I let my eyes drift shut. I saw the smiles on Henley and Kasha’s faces’ when I admitted I had a date with Simon. I waited for Kasha to out me, and say I was just trying to fuck him, but she held her tongue.

Or maybe it was because she was distracted by Sicily’s admission. As much as I wanted to laugh, I felt sorry for her too. I mean, it’s bad enough to find out you were watching porn with your dad, but to have it affect your sex life like that? Terrible.

I may not be able to keep a guy from diving into the first vagina that waves at him, but at least I know it isn’t because I’m no good in bed. I have mad bedroom skills.

And that neighbor! I have no idea what to make of Bobby Jo, but I hope she keeps focusing her crazy on Sicily and not me. I don’t need tampon cupcakes, thank you very much.

It was so good to see Henley, though, and I hope we get a chance to get together before she goes back home.

I take my time shaving and washing my hair, trying not to think about the night ahead of me. As much as I’m looking forward to it, I haven’t slept with anyone in a long time. It only took the holes in my ears a few weeks to close up when I didn’t wear earrings. What if my vagina shrank up? That’s silly, right? It’s not like my virginity grew back.

After my hair is blow-dried and straightened, I throw on a robe and head to the kitchen for something to eat. Rooting around in the fridge, I settle for some leftover chicken and rice. I’m not picky. I just need something to soak up the alcohol.

I stressed all day over what to wear tonight, finally settling on something casual; a little black dress paired with black ankle boots. Ava and I aren’t going anywhere fancy, and I don’t want it to look like I tried too hard when I meet Simon. I’m just sleeping with him. I shouldn’t care what he thinks of me.

I’m just about to leave when my mom rings my phone. “Hi, Mom,” I chirp, after hitting the accept button.

“Hi, baby! I just wanted to see how you’re doing. You know your dad and I hate having you so far away. With no friends and—"

“Mom,” I interrupt, rolling my eyes. “I have friends.”

“Of course you do, dear.” That condescending tone never fails to drive me crazy. “I meant friends nearby.”

“Kasha lives here, remember?”

“Oh, yes.” Mom sniffs. “Kasha.”

It’s been the same reaction since I was young. I was the introvert, the girl afraid of her own shadow for a long time. It’s no wonder since Mom was the ultimate helicopter parent. Everything was dangerous and any conflict had to be avoided. Thank goodness I had Kasha and Henley who showed me how to lighten up and have fun.

Of course, my parents didn’t see it that way. As far as they were concerned, Kasha and Henley were a bad influence, and they still seem to see it that way now that I’m grown.

“Actually, Mom, I’m just heading out for a drink with a friend from work. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“You’re drinking? Are you driving there? Do they have cabs there?”

“No, Mom, I’m going to hitchhike. I figure it should be no problem getting a ride with this miniskirt on.”

“Lydia Childers!”

Giggling, I grab my purse and lock the door behind me, waving to the cab driver who waits out front. “Of course I’m taking a cab. I’m late though. I have to go. Tell Dad hi. Love you.”

I disconnect the call before she can respond. Rude? Yep. But she’ll keep me on the phone all night questioning me about my life.

The bar Ava chose is only a few miles from my house. When I walk inside, I’m relieved to find a welcoming, laid back atmosphere. A band is setting up in the corner next to the dance floor, where a few couples are dancing to music from the jukebox.

Ava waves from a group of tables in the back, and I make my way back to join her. “Hey, sorry I’m late. My mother called and she’s impossible to get off the phone.”

“Sounds like my mom,” Ava laughs.

A waitress approaches and we decide to start with margaritas. I should know better. Disguise it with sugar and salt all you want, tequila is still not my friend, but tonight I don’t care. It’s been a week of changes and surprises. Besides, I’ll need some liquid courage for tonight.

Ava and I chat for a few minutes, sipping on our drinks. Unfortunately, alcohol doesn’t just loosen my tongue, it tends to make me blurt random thoughts I didn’t intend to say aloud. “Is this a date? I mean, I know you didn’t say it was or anything, but I just want to be sure. I mean, you could already have a girlfriend for all I know, but…” I trail off, silently berating myself. My nervous babbling knows no bounds.