Fuck It (Yama Yama)

“I’m off, but I’m not sure I’m up for another Monica Harper get together.”

“It won’t be like last time. No wedding Olympics or crazy bridesmaids. Henley and Davis are going to be there.” She hesitates. “And Anderson.”

I understand her reluctance to mention him, but it’s unnecessary. I don’t even think about Anderson anymore. One thing I heard when I was young that has rung true is that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. When I found out he cheated and we broke up, I hated him for a long time. I hated to see him happy and moving on, like what he did to me didn’t matter. I wanted him to suffer.

In other words, he still had control over me because I still thought about him. Seeing him treat his new bride-to-be the way he treated me opened my eyes. It wasn’t because of some flaw or failure on my part that made him cheat. It’s just who he is.

If going to his disaster of a failed wedding did anything for me, it made me realize I didn’t love him. I wanted to. I wanted to fall in love and find my own happily ever after so badly I convinced myself he was the one. I wasn’t in love with him. I was in love with love, or the idea of it.

Sitting beside Kasha, I tell her, “I don’t care about Anderson, and I could really use a girls’ weekend. I’m in.”

“Good. Erm…there’s one more thing. Anderson wants to talk to you.” Kasha stares at me like I may throw something at her.

“Why?”

“To apologize.”

“After all this time? Why now? I really don’t need to hear it.”

She sits back and her gaze meets mine. “Maybe not, but I think he needs to say it. And you deserve to hear it. Anderson has been…different since the break-up with Jane. I’m not justifying what he did to you, you know I wouldn’t do that, but he’s trying to change.”

I shrug. I can’t imagine Anderson ever changing, but he’s her stepbrother and she loves him. “Fine.”

“Good. He’s waiting outside.”

I nearly give myself whiplash I sit up so quickly. “What?”

“He’s waiting outside. I told him I’d only let him in if you said okay.”

I guess we may as well get it over with. “Let him in.”

Kasha steps out the front door, and I hear their murmurs before Anderson steps inside alone. “Hey, Lydia.”

“Hey.” Yeah, this isn’t awkward at all. I get to my feet, and he stands in front of me.

“Look, I know you probably don’t want to talk to me, and I don’t blame you, but I really want to apologize.”

“Took you long enough.” Okay, so maybe there’s still some bitterness there.

“I know. I’ve never been good at facing the music.” He looks me in the eye. “I’m really sorry for everything, Lydia. I was an asshole and I don’t have any excuse for it. You didn’t deserve the way I treated you. I understand if you aren’t ready to forgive me, but I hope someday you will. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Damn. I didn’t expect him to sound so sincere. Kasha’s right. Something is different about him. “Fine. I forgive you.”

His head jerks up, and he looks a bit suspicious. “Just like that?”

“I forgave you a long time ago, Anderson. I had to so I could move on.” He nods, and I continue. “So, if you’re concerned about us running into each other this weekend or whenever, don’t be worried. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. We don’t have to be friends to tolerate one another.”

A small smile appears on his face. “We had some fun, didn’t we?”

This is the man I remember. The guy who made me want him. “We did,” I reply with a smile. “It might have been a shitty way to go about it, but you did save us from a miserable future together. Things turned out for the best.”

His eyebrow pops up. “You told everyone I have a tiny dick.”

“Yeah, I think that pretty much makes us even,” I laugh.

Kasha hears the laughter and peeks in the door. “Is it safe to come in?”

Anderson beams at her. “We’re good.” He turns to me. “I’m glad we put this behind us.”

“Okay, then,” she says quickly, ushering Anderson out the door. “I’ll see you Friday. Lydia and I have things to discuss.”

“Are you sure having Anderson there this weekend won’t upset you?” Kasha asks.

“It’s not a problem for me. I’m way over Anderson.”

Kasha gives a sly smile. “And way under Simon?”

“The man damn near tore me in half.”

Laughing, she gets up. “He said to tell you he’ll pick you up after work on Friday.”

What? “He told you he was picking me up? For what? And when did you talk to him?”

“Oh.” She has the grace to look chagrined. “Did I forget to mention Simon’s going this weekend too? Roman invited him when he was over for dinner last night.”