Fuck It (Yama Yama)

Most everyone is already finished, but I ignore Anderson’s curious gaze when his eyes rake over me in my new wardrobe. He can’t even see the bikini and already I can tell I’m winning a little.

Feeling slightly more confident, I take a seat, halfway listening to their conversation about bikini waxes as I opt for a banana and eat while checking my emails.

“It just seems so wrong to spread your legs, shove your vagina in a stranger’s face, and say, ‘Take away all my pubes, since I don’t want anyone else seeing this,’ when pubes are naturally the most taboo things in the world to talk about. Hence the reason why vagina waxing is the most awkward thing a person can do,” Kasha says conversationally.

I choke on my banana.

Then gag a little at the mention of pubes because…seriously? At breakfast?

Monica groans, shaking her head as she covers her face, but she doesn’t say anything. Roger sits next to Bobby Jo, and of course BJ wants to weigh in on the conversation.

“Trim it a little. Don’t let the bush flop out the sides of a bikini, but going bare is just not natural at all.”

Anderson glances over at me and arches an eyebrow, as though he’s expectantly awaiting my input on all of this.

“It’s awkward, but it’s way better than having razor burn or a gross bikini line,” Lydia adds.

I keep my mouth shut. My wax job is awesome, and Polly always makes me feel good about my vagina when I go for my appointments. Yeah, not telling all of them that. I think I’ve done too much oversharing lately.

Deciding to ignore Anderson, since he won’t look away from me, I notice I have an email from Mark—the IT guy—in response to the one I sent to make sure he was okay after Anderson’s asshole move.

Anderson is a dick, is literally the first sentence, so I shield my phone a little better, even though Anderson sits across the table and down a few people from me.

Anderson is a dick. I hope you’re not really dating him. Anyway, I’m glad you emailed. I’m attaching a few clips I think you’ll like. If you want the full videos, I’ll send them. Let me know what you think.

Curious, I plug in my earbuds and click the first video. My heartbeat quickens when I see the clip is actually…sex. Or porn. Not sure what is what anymore.

The girl is breathy and spread out on the bed, while the guy’s mouth fiercely works her toward orgasm. My legs press together as I lean back more, making sure no one can see my phone at all, and turn up the volume a little, since I can barely hear.

Riveted with the way his fingers move in and out of her while his mouth stays fastened to her clit, I refrain from fanning myself, even when I feel myself flush.

Why does it sound so quiet? My volume is halfway—

My stomach drops when my eyes pop up and everyone is literally gawking at me. The banana pops out of my mouth, falls from my hand, and lands on my plate, clattering as though I need even more attention drawn to myself.

Roman’s mouth is twisted in horror. Kasha grins like she just found buried treasure. Henley smirks and waggles her eyebrows. Monica…is leaving, along with Anderson’s father.

Bobby Jo claps my shoulder sympathetically before reaching over and shoving my earbud connector all the way into the phone, since I failed to make sure I did that.

With my earbuds properly plugged in, sound blares in my ears as the girl pants her way into that orgasm, and I contemplate diving under the table to die there. It’s like I’m frozen now. I can’t even turn off the video, so the sex noises don’t even stop as everyone continues to stare at me.

Awkward. Hell.

“Ah, papi!” is the last thing I hear before the short clip finally ends and deafening silence fills my ears.

With one hand, I pull off one earbud, finally braving a glance toward Anderson, who has his head down on the table as his body shakes with silent laughter. I hate my life. I’m not even sure why I try to be around people, since I’m clearly not designed for such things.

“I take it back,” Kasha finally says. “Watching porn in public with the sound on is the most awkward thing a person can do.”

“What was that video?” Davis asks seriously, but his lips twitch.

“Definitely want the answer to that,” Henley chimes in.

“Why are you watching…that at the breakfast table?” Roman groans, shaking as though he’s trying to make it all leave his mind.

“You haven’t lived a little until you’ve watched porn in public,” Bobby Jo says with a straight face.

Ah, this is the part where everyone makes it even more awkward. Got it.