The Psycho (The Soldiers of Anarchy 1)

Chapter Nine

Liv

“He said what?”

We were sitting in Ryan and Emily’s new apartment after my run-in with Chase earlier. I had attempted to get a showdown with Adam too, right after I’d doused Lockwood in the finest Italian blend you could find in Sandland, but he’d done his usual Houdini act. Typical, right when I needed to let him know that my reaction in the coffee shop had nothing to do with him and his bullshit games–and everything to do with Chase Lockwood thinking that I was a pushover–he’d vanished.

Chase had always been a loser, but it annoyed me that he thought he could treat me like trash. I’d had enough of being seen as the joke of the group. The easy target. Emily was smart. Effy had compassion by the bucket load.

But me?

I was the one everyone thought they could take the piss out of because I always took the piss out of myself. I’d set a rod for my own back. I never wanted to be seen as the fixer that I was. The silent assassin, waiting in the wings. With that sort of role came expectation, and I was tired of trying to live up to those in every other aspect of my life. With my friends, I just wanted to be different. I kept things shallow for a reason. I never let anyone below the surface, because why would I? I’d been hurt enough in the past to know that was a mug’s game. Protect yourself first. No one else is going to do that job. And yes, I spoke my mind, but it didn’t mean I had no feelings. Never let them know they’re getting to you. I was the master at letting things fly over my head and rising above, but not anymore. I was no doormat, and it was time I stood up and showed everyone that.

I’d assumed Adam had left the scene because he’d gotten what he came for, but no. I’d underestimated him. Again. He had plans of his own, and now that I was getting the gossip from Emily–courtesy of her friend at the hospital–I was starting to realise how deep his issues went. I had to re-exert my control over this situation before it got out of hand. I always knew he was unhinged, but until now, I’d never truly grasped how dark his demons went.

“Apparently, according to one of the nurses at the hospital that treated the wound on his hand, he said you were theirs. Property of the soldiers,” Emily said as she set cans of coke down on the table in front of us and sat back on her new cream leather sofa.

Hearing what Adam had said made me want to dig my nails into the leather in frustration. He didn’t own me. No one did. I’d thought our little game of texting, truth and dare, and all the other stuff was a tease. It gave me a thrill. But I wasn’t about to be claimed like some prize cow. That wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

Shit.

What had I gotten myself into?

“He is having a fucking laugh if he thinks he can get away with going around and saying things like that. What is he on?” I knew even before I’d said it that Adam Noble wasn’t on anything. He didn’t need drugs or alcohol to enhance his psychopathic tendencies, they were firmly set in place in that brain of his. This was who he was. It was what he did. And I thought I could deal with that… until now.

“He doesn’t need to be on anything. He’s insane,” Emily replied, shaking her head.

“Clearly,” I snapped back, feeling irritated with myself for not stopping this from happening, because I always knew in the back of my mind that he was capable of bad things. I hated Lockwood as much as the next person, but I wouldn’t want to shank the guy. I’d thought a lap full of coffee was a bad idea until I’d heard this. Adam had taken things to a whole other level.

“Are you sure about all this?” Effy asked. “I mean, it is Chase Lockwood we’re talking about here. He’s not exactly known for his honesty.”

She was always trying to see the best in people, and considering the history Adam had with her boyfriend, Finn, it was beyond thoughtful of her to try and find a positive spin on it. But I was a realist. She was a dreamer. The devil existed, and he was blowing up my DMs on a nightly basis. Only thing was, I was a she-devil that took no shit. He needed another reminder that he had met his match in me.

“I like your optimism, Effy.” I smiled at her, reaching over to rub her knee. It was a bullshit move meant to take the focus off me. I was feeling embarrassed about everything that I was hearing, and so I’d resorted to belittling my friend with knee rubs. I needed to have a fucking word with myself. “But Eff, it’s not lies. He said it. This is classic Adam.” I took my hand away and sat back into the sofa, my eyes darting up to the ceiling like I was hoping for divine intervention.

“It was my friend, Holly, who overheard him talking to his brother, Jensen, about it,” Emily added. “Even Jensen told him to stay out of it. According to him, the soldiers are a different breed, and he should steer well clear.” Emily’s eyes bugged as she spoke, and she gave me a look that said I needed to wake up and smell the coffee. Coffee, bullshit, I could smell it all. But it was a mess I would clear up myself. He started this and I’d finish it.

“Well, I suppose that’s one positive to come out of it. No more dealing with the Lockwood’s crap. What’s not to love about that?” I grinned, trying to divert the dark cloud hanging over us and bring some light to the conversation. That was what I was good at doing, after all. Bringing light relief to the group.

“You don’t look very happy,” Effy answered with a grim expression. Her eyes were downcast, and a hint of apprehension was held within, as if she expected me to freak out at any minute. She’d have been right there too, holding me up if I ever fell. My best friends were my rocks. They put up with me no matter what, because sometimes, the family you create bonds closer than the family you were born into.

“Would you be happy if some freak was going around telling everyone you’re off the market? I mean, who’s gonna want to talk to me now if they think he’ll be lurking round the corner, ready to strike? I’m never going to get lucky ever again.” I was joking. I couldn’t give a toss about getting lucky right now. All my energy was taken up with Adam and dealing with him. Men were the last thing on my mind. Well, other men.

He just seemed to consume me. Since he’d come onto the scene, there hadn’t been room in my life or my mind for anyone else. It was like nothing else mattered, and I didn’t want that to sound as flippant or as uncaring as it did, but it was the truth. Adam Noble had a way of worming his way into my thoughts, manipulating my brain, and warping my whole world until everything was a kaleidoscope that confused me.

I should hate him, but he intrigued me.

I should be scared of him, but he fascinated me.

I should want to stay away, but I couldn’t.

I was drawn to him, and despite what had happened today, I couldn’t just switch it off. But I needed to do something. This had to stop. My obsession with him and this game needed to stop.

“Liv, let’s be honest here. You’ve been chatting to him for quite a while. Don’t deny it, because we’re not stupid. We know the truth.” Emily gave me a direct, pointed stare, and something inside of me snapped. My actions weren’t up for discussion. What I did or didn’t do was no one else’s business. I knew they meant well, but at the end of the day, they went home to their perfect boyfriends and perfect lives. Their happy futures and sweet little dreams. I had nothing. I was left alone. Okay, so my house was huge, and my parents gave me whatever I wanted, but things couldn’t replace the love and affection I craved. I just wanted someone for me. I wanted attention. I wanted to be loved. Surely everyone deserved that? Even me.

“So?” I snapped back, tilting my head in question.

“So… you must’ve known something like this would happen. You’ve pulled him in and pushed him away, and he’s not the kind of guy you play games with. This was always going to end in tears,” Emily said gravely.

“Not mine. Anyway, why can’t I be allowed to tease him? He messaged me first, and I’m not stupid. If it went too far, I’d stop it.”

“And you don’t think sticking a knife through someone’s hand and threatening them isn’t too far? I think it’s time to pull the plug.” Emily had a point, but I would pull the plug on my own terms. I knew exactly what I had to do.

“What if I don’t want to?” I was playing devil’s advocate, all to try and prove a point… I wouldn’t be told what to do.

“Then you take a long hard think about what exactly it is that you do want,” Emily replied with a calmness to her voice.

“I want a bit of fun. It’s okay for you two. You’ve found your happy ever after. Mine usually disappears in a puff of smoke about five minutes after he’s shot his load and he wants to get out of the house and out of my life. I’m done with being played. I want to do some of the playing for a change.”

“He’s not the one you should be playing though.” Effy said “This… it’s dangerous, Liv. I’m worried about you.” She was right. What’d happened today wasn’t fun, it was creepy and wrong on so many levels. But she didn’t need to worry. I could look after myself. I always did.

“Don’t worry about me, Eff. I’m in control. I know what I’m doing. When I’m finished, Adam Noble will wish he’d never met me.”

“I really hope you’re right.” Effy smiled and then added, “You once told me that a true friend is one that stands up and tells you when a guy is making a mug of you, remember? That time at the hospital after Finn got hurt by his uncle, you told me that I deserved respect. I deserved better. Well, so do you.”

I couldn’t help but smile and melt a little inside at what Effy was saying, that she’d remembered my words in that awful time in her life. Most people barely paid attention to what I said or did.

“Yeah, I did say that.” I hung my head, biting my lip as I thought back to that time we shared our heart-to-heart in the carpark of the local hospital as her Finn lay beaten and broken in a hospital bed. “But then someone else told me that life isn’t always black and white. Sometimes you have to deal with the grey areas too.”

“I don’t think there are grey areas where he’s concerned. It’s all dark,” Effy replied.

“Good job I have enough light to lead my way then, isn’t it?” I stood up and grabbed my bag from the floor, ready to head off and get a grip on the tornado that was my life. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s time I paid that little fucker a visit. Let him know that I’m not gonna put up with his bullshit anymore.”

“Be careful,” Emily called out as I headed for the door. “Call us if you need us.”

“No need. I’ve got this.”