The Psycho (The Soldiers of Anarchy 1)

“Yes. I am sorry. I’m sorry I ever met you. I’m sorry I replied to that first text. I’m sorry I led you on and made you think that whatever was going on in that sick head of yours was real. Because it’s not. Real that is. I’m not yours and I never will be. The messages, they won’t happen again. I won’t let you hurt anyone else because of me. You might not have a conscience, but I do.”

“A conscience is highly over-rated.” He moved back into my space and every inch of my body tensed. “You need to learn to let that shit go.”

“A conscience shows you’re human, something which you’re clearly not.” I could tell I was starting to get to him now. Something behind his eyes had changed, glazed over even, like he was fighting a battle in his own mind.

“I would never hurt you,” he stated, and I wondered if that affirmation was for my benefit or his. Who was he trying to convince?

“But you do hurt people, Adam.” I spoke quietly now, because I knew something inside of him had changed. He was like a wild animal, and I had to tread carefully.

“I hurt people who deserve it.” He spoke with conviction, and I knew, deep down, he believed what he did was in some way right.

“But who are you to say who deserves it and who doesn’t? You’re not God,” I said, wondering if this was the turning point. Had I finally made my way through the cracks of his hardened mind?

“No, I’m not. I’ll choose hell over heaven any day,” he answered.

I looked deep into his eyes, but there was no feeling there. No emotion whatsoever. Dead eyes. That’s what I saw.

“I think you’re already there,” I said quietly, but my solemn response seemed to snap him out of whatever trance he was in, and the fire returned with a vengeance.

“Do you really think you can walk away from me? Do you really think it’ll be that easy?” His face started to contort with anger, frustration. He didn’t like the way this was going because he knew I was winning.

“I won’t have other people’s safety on my conscience,” I said, standing my ground.

“Ah, there it is again, your fucking conscience. Well, what about this? I can’t have yours on mine,” he snarled.

“What does that even mean?” I frowned, not having the first clue what he was on about.

“I’ve marked you. You’re mine. Most people will stay away from you because they know what’s good for them, but some will want to take a pop. Try to get to me through you.” When he said that, I felt a sharp drop inside of me, like boulders invading my stomach.

“Oh my God. Are you saying you’ve painted a massive red target on my back today?” I was beyond furious.

“I’m saying I’ve painted a ring around you. No one fucks with you.” He smiled, like he was proud of what he’d done.

“What the actual fuck, Adam? No. Enough. No more texts. No more games. No more truth or dare.” I had to leave. We were going round in circles, and he wasn’t listening. Obviously, actions would speak louder than words in this case.

“Do you really think I’ll be that easily dissuaded?” His body was pressed against mine now, and I could feel his chest as he panted out his breaths.

“You don’t have a choice,” I hissed back at him.

“There’s always a choice. And I choose you.”

“I’m not a choice you can make!” I shouted in his face, and calmly, he smiled back at me.

“Oh, but you are.”

He slapped both of his hands onto the plaster either side of my head, blocking me in, and leant his face into the crook of my neck, taking a deep breath as his nose grazed my skin and then buried into my hair.

“I can’t stop, Olivia.” He sighed quietly into my ear. “I want you. I want this… us.”

“No,” I replied through gritted teeth, my whole body tense and alert from how close he was to me.

“Yes.” He moved his head back slightly to look into my eyes. “I know what you need,” he carried on, pushing his face back into my neck, burying himself in my hair. “I know you better than anyone. Your friends think they know you, but they don’t see what I see when you’re at home alone. Or even when your mind wanders when you’re with them and they don’t notice that you’re there in body but not in spirit. You want to be noticed. You need to be cherished. I just want the chance to take care of you.”

I felt the heat of his breath dancing over my skin, causing goosebumps to rise up despite myself. And when I felt the softness of his lips kissing me just below my earlobe, I reacted, placing both hands on his chest to push him away. He didn’t like that, and he smacked his hands back onto the plaster by my head. But when he heard a fierce growl, he started to laugh, dropped his hands by his sides, and looked down to the left of us where Tyson was stood, baring his teeth at Adam in a threatening manner, warning him off.

“Fuck me. I know I said to protect her, but I didn’t mean from me,” he said, reaching forward to try and stroke Tyson into submission, but Tyson only growled louder and then barked when Adam got close to him.

“It’s okay. I’m okay.” I reached my own hand out, and Tyson came to sit at my feet, letting me stroke his head to calm him down. “Do you see? Even your dog thinks you’re an asshole.”

Adam laughed, then the sparkle in his eyes faded and he glared from me to the dog and back again.

“You two are the most important things in the world to me. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if he goes against me, as long as he’s always guarding you.”

“Adam.” I ran my hand through my hair and gripped in frustration. He wasn’t getting any of this. My whole visit had been pointless. “You don’t know anything about me,” I argued. “This is all so… ridiculous.”

“I know all I need to know.”

“Which is?” I held my arms out to the side, challenging him again. Okay, so he knew little tell-tale signs, but he didn’t really know me, who I was, what my hopes and dreams were. He knew a fantasy that he’d created in his own mind. That was all.

“You fight for other people, just like me,” he replied, looking hopeful. “Only you don’t shout it from the rooftops. You’re a silent assassin, and I’m the loud one.”

“That may be so, but that doesn’t mean anything.” I sighed.

“It does to me. I’ve never met anyone like you before. I can’t walk away.” And I believed him. In his stubborn mind, he could never admit defeat.

“You don’t have to walk away. But I will. And I’m doing it right now.”

I headed for the door and reached for the handle.

“You can try, but I’ll always follow you. I’ll always be there.”

I ignored him, stepping out into the corridor, and sure enough, he followed me.

“So, what now? You’re going to trail me home again? Just like that time at the underpass in Brinton Manor, when I came to tell you to stay away from me the first time?”

“What sort of man would I be if I let you come all the way here and didn’t see you home again?”

“It’s not chivalry,” I said, stomping down the corridor and hearing his footsteps following. “Whatever you think you’re doing. It’s not a kindness, it’s just plain creepy.”

“It’s me. That’s all I can say, Olivia. I will walk you home. And it won’t be the last time. You’re my responsibility.”

“No, I’m not, but you know what? I’m getting tired of arguing this point. If you want to follow me all the way back to my house, then more fool you. But know this, I won’t put up with your bullshit anymore, Adam. What happened today, with Chase, that never happens again.”

“I don’t do bullshit. I already told you,” he replied with a lightness to his voice.

“Your whole life is bullshit, Adam.” I felt drained by our exchange, and the weight of it all was crushing.

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” I could hear the smirk in his voice, I didn’t need to turn and look.

“Don’t call me that. I’m not your sweetheart,” I snapped.

“No, you aren’t. You’re my Olivia.”

Oh lord give me strength.

“I give up.” I sighed and made my way out of the Asylum and out of his life.