“Just for your information I have now convinced myself that Max is totally in love with you. I’ve been umming and ahhing over it for months now but watching him last night there was no doubt in my mind.” Boy Chris was on a roll.
“At least you didn’t blurt that one out thank God!” Robyn barked in reprimand at Chris’s flippant response to my situation.
“You are off your head if you believe that Chris; you’re totally wrong. Max is a friend, he’s just touchy feely that’s all. So get that little scenario out of your warped brain right now Mister. The last thing I need is any more drama. No more Chris you hear? Max is not up for discussion, he’s Joe’s best friend and a good friend of mine too, he’d never even dream of going there.”
“I agree with Ella on this one Chris, you really need to keep your nose out. I think you did enough damage last night mate.”
Chris hung his head down and then lay down, planting his head in my lap in a show of regret. His puppy dog eyes looking up at me in forgiveness.
“I forgive you Chris, just let me deal with my own shit from now on okay?”
He nodded and got up to make us both a cuppa. I’d have him on tea and coffee duty for a long time to come after this.
I grabbed our laptop from the coffee table and logged into my personal email. Amongst the usual sales, clothes shop ads and junk mail I saw his email address.
From: [email protected]
Title: We need to talk…
I know I’m the last person you want to see right now but please can we talk? I need to know what happened.
Joe x
I couldn’t put him off, not any more. The sooner I explained everything the sooner we could all move on. I knew seeing him again without the alcohol in my system to steady my nerves would be hard, but I owed it to myself and my little lost babba to put things right. I owed it to him too.
From: [email protected]
Title: Okay
I can come to see you tomorrow (Sunday) around 2pm if that’s convenient? I won’t come to the apartment though so it’s either the club or a bar/café?
Ella x
I thought it would be childish of me to omit the kiss from my email, we had made a baby together after all. Seconds later a reply popped up in my inbox.
From: [email protected]
Title: Thank you x
Any time would be convenient for you, you don’t need to ask that. The club it is then, come straight down to my office. I look forward to seeing you again Ella.
I’ve missed you.
Joe x
I didn’t send a reply. What could I reply without giving him false hope? Yes I’d missed him too, but if I said that he’d think I was going over to get back together. I had to keep my promise to myself; I had to put myself first and I needed time alone to find myself again.
When Sunday came I put on a light blue strappy sun dress and silver flip flops, and gathered my hair up into a high ponytail. My hair had gotten so long it still fell down to the middle of my back even when it was up. I tried to contain my growing nerves and tell myself it was just a chat, a chance to clear the air and move on to the next phase of my life. But who was I kidding, this was Joe we were talking about. Anything could happen today, and the unpredictability was what scared me the most.
When the time came, I got into my little red car and drove to his club, playing light fun music on my music system to try and keep myself calm. But as I pulled up to the front of the building my nerves set in and I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest. My hands were shaking and I could barely breathe. ‘Keep it together Ella, remember you’re a Reid, you can do this’ I told myself. I got out of the car and made the ascent up the steps with heavy feet and a h
eavier heart.