Obsessively Yours (Joe & Ella 1)

‘Well that’s it then’ I thought to myself, ‘message received loud and clear’ but I couldn’t understand why, in contrast to that thought, a wash of grief suddenly came to me and I had the urge to cry.

I spun round and staggered straight back to the office feeling dejected and disappointed in myself. I sat at my desk and buried myself in work, getting lost in figures, deadlines and ideas to try and shrug off the ache that had planted itself into my chest. What was that? Every time my phone rang my heart leapt into my throat thinking it could be him but it wasn’t. Why did I feel like I should be putting this right? Wasn’t this what I had wanted when I agreed to Chris’s idea for avoidance? I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had acted childish, and should have faced things head on, taken ownership of my actions and the consequences they brought, not hidden away like a child.

I clicked on my email icon with the intention of firing off an email to apologise for my unprofessionalism and try to restore some degree of self-respect when I saw an email from him in my inbox. I started shaking with nerves, ‘oh god what was he going to say to me? Would he complain about my unprofessional manner to Eric or Frank?’ I was scared to look at it. I stood up, then sat down again, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I started mentally prepping myself for what would be revealed behind the click I was about to make, then I thought ‘fuck it’ and opened it up.

To:

From:

Title: Now what?

I know you’re avoiding me like the plague, it’s been obvious all week. I don’t know how you’re feeling right now….embarrassed? Angry? Hurt? I’ve no idea because you won’t talk to me.

So, all I can do is tell you what I think and feel….

Right now I can’t believe that you expect me to have a taste of you and then walk away. Just forget how fucking sweet you taste, sound, feel. Fuck. No way. I’m not walking away. I can’t. I want this, I want you.

Joe

This was not what I expected to read at all. I felt the ache in my chest prickle or was that a sparkle? I didn’t know, but I couldn’t hide the fact that his email had hit me right in the heart and my fear was slowly waning. I had to deal with this head on, face to face and stop playing around. What I’d done today, hiding in the kitchen, it wasn’t fair. I had responded to him that day, I had kissed him back, touched him and tasted him, God it felt good even though he was an egotistical ass. Those few minutes had made me feel free, more alive than I had felt in years. I owed it to him to at least let him down gently and in person didn’t I? At least that way it wouldn’t be so bad doing face to face business from here on in.

To:

From:

Title: Sorry

I’m sorry I have been avoiding you but I haven’t felt ready to deal with this until now. I do owe you an apology and I’d like to be able to give you that apology face to face. Would that be something you could agree to?

Please don’t take this email the wrong way though, I am single and intend to stay that way for a long time. Your flowers are beautiful but you must stop sending them to me.

Ella

To:

From:

Title: Okay….

Dinner tonight 8pm?

Joe

To:

From:

Title: Not quite…

No, it’s not a date. Coffee after work? I finish at 6pm.

Ella

To:

From:

Title: Okay….