The sound of those sobs stabbed at me, and I quickly moved away from the door. I had to find Lucy and get her the fuck out of there. I felt stupid for not having seen what was going on with her up until now, and even then, I’d had to have it spelled out so forcefully.
Fuck Layla and the rest of them.
I would fix all this shit—and take care of my girl.
The only thing that mattered was Lucy.
As I headed for the stairs, thinking she had gone up to play with the kids again, I heard Drake’s voice at the front door and quickly opened it. Sure enough, Drake was out there with Lucy right beside him. I didn’t know what had happened between dinner and now, but she looked pale and her eyes were bloodshot.
Everything inside of me stilled, and I felt the blood drain from my face as everything I just overhead replayed in my head.
Do you know how scared I am that one day I’ll get that call, and she will have given in to that need and gone too far?
She had been fighting that urge even more than I realized, and I’d been blind to it all. She hadn’t said a word, hadn’t confided a single thing in me lately. I had been living in a fool’s paradise, letting myself believe that as long as she wasn’t saying anything was wrong, then she really was okay.
Fuck, I’m an idiot.
My gaze went back to Drake, and a shot of jealousy hit me dead center in the stomach. She had been confiding in Drake. He was who she ran to when things got too much and she was ready to give in to the whispered promise of pain.
I was glad he was there for her. I was thankful she was at least talking to someone, but I wanted that person to be me. Selfishly, I wanted her to come to me when something was wrong.
I wanted to be her hero who fixed everything that went wrong for her.
And I wanted her to trust me enough to tell me everything. I swallowed all the questions overhearing the women in the kitchen had left unanswered and waited for her to confide in me. “You disappeared on me, sweetness. Everything okay?”
I could physically feel the tension that engulfed her. Drake gave her shoulders a squeeze, and she blew out a sigh before turning to give him a hug. Facing me again, she took my hand. Her fingers trembled, and I tightened mine around hers, telling her without words I would never let her go. “Can we go home?” she asked in a weak voice.
“Sure. Just let me tell Dad—”
“No!” She leaned into me, pressing her forehead to my chest, and I realized it wasn’t just her fingers that were trembling but her entire body. “We can talk to them later. Please? I want to talk to you about something.”
My throat hurt as I swallowed the lump that filled it. I clutched her to me like the lifeline she was for me and kissed the top of her head. “Yeah, let’s go.” I released her long enough to grab our coats and then pulled her toward the car.
“Bye, Drake,” she called once she was in the passenger seat. “Tell Dad I love him.”
I didn’t even hear his reply as I started the car and pulled away from the house. It was my hands that were shaking now, and I tightened them around the steering wheel as I kept telling my foot not to press harder on the gas pedal. I had to get us home in one piece before we could finally talk.
Lucy seemed to understand that too, because she sat quietly in her seat. Her face was turned away from me, her eyes looking out the side window, but I could see her reflection in the glass. Her eyes were unseeing. She was lost in her head. When I linked our fingers and placed our hands on the shifter, she didn’t even blink.
I parked the car in the garage and went around to open her door. It took her a second to realize where we were, and she hastily took my hand. As we stepped into the elevator, I saw her chin begin to tremble, but she clenched her jaw and leaned against me. “I love you,” she whispered.
I closed my eyes and leaned back against the elevator wall. “I love you too, Lu. Always. Whatever you want to talk about, just know that I will move heaven and earth to make you happy. Nothing matters to me but you. Fuck everyone else.”
“You say that now…” She trailed off with a sigh, and for the first time, I had to take a mental step back and look at my own behavior over the last few months.
Maybe she hadn’t talked to me about what was going on because I hadn’t made her feel like she mattered enough. Maybe she didn’t think I would put her first when it came to our wedding.
Fuck.
What the hell had I been doing to make her think that shit?
Between Layla and Nat, they made me feel like I didn’t have a place in planning the wedding. As if putting a ring on Lucy’s finger and saying “I do” were the only things they needed me for on the day. And I’d let myself be pushed out of all the decision-making because I had honestly thought that was what Lucy wanted. Now I was seeing things from a clearer point of view, and I realized I’d let Lucy down.
It seemed like most of the residents of the building were out celebrating the holiday with friends and family because we made no stops along the way, and I was glad Marcus had the entire week off. I needed to be completely alone with Lucy for this conversation.
In our living room, Lucy took off her coat and tossed it on the back of the couch beside my own. She twisted her fingers together, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she stood beside the couch and stared off into space.
“I overheard the moms talking in the kitchen,” I confessed when she didn’t speak for several minutes.