It made it worse. I wanted him to approach me. I wanted him to smile at me.
I fucking wanted him to hug me like everyone else did.
Another lie.
I didn’t want the same hugs that my family was giving me. I wanted one that told me he still loved me. I wanted him to pull me close, suck in a deep breath like he was trying to memorize my scent, and then have him whisper in my ear that he’d missed me so fucking much and he couldn’t think straight without me.
Each time someone told me to smile for a picture I did as I was told and mentally counted down the minutes until I could escape. Until I could go back to Kin’s apartment and lock myself in the bathroom. Until I could turn on the shower and sit on the edge of the tub and put a razor blade to my—
“Come on, Lu. Just one more picture and I’ll leave you alone.”
My face felt like it was going to break as I smiled up at my dad while my brothers stood on either side of me. The twins would be ten in October, but they were only a few inches shorter than I was. Each one put an arm around my shoulders as they smiled with ease for the camera that Dad hadn’t stopped using since I’d found them in the crowd outside the auditorium.
Five pictures later, Luca and Lyric hugged me—hard—and stepped back to examine me. “What’s wrong?” Lyric was the first to ask with a frown replacing his easy smile.
“Do we need to hurt someone?” Luca asked as he watched me closely. “I still have some firecrackers in my sock drawer back at the house.”
A small laugh escaped me and I wrapped my arms around both of them, for the first time giving a tight hug rather than receiving one. “I’ve missed you two little beasts so much.”
“Missed you too,” they both muttered.
Lyric pulled back, his dark eyes swirling with a mixture of emotions. “Harris make you cry?” he said and growled so low that only I could hear him.
I shook my head, trying to laugh his question off. “No one made me cry, Ric. I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”
His eyes moved over every inch of my face for a long moment before he finally nodded and stepped back. “He makes you cry again and he’s dead.”
“Don’t talk like that,” I scolded him. “You’re too young to go to prison.” Knowing those two it would only take one word from me and they would both do just that, though.
My twin little brothers were just as protective of me as our dad was. While that made my heart melt, the thought of them hurting Harris in any way hurt more than any other pain could have caused right then. He might have crushed my heart, but if something happened to him it would literally kill me.
“My turn!”
I turned at the soft voice and crouched down to give Violet a hug as she wrapped her arms around my neck. Lyric stepped back to give her room, but Luca—as always—stayed right where he was so he could watch over his favorite person in the world. “Daddy said you’re graduated now. I’m so happy.”
I glanced up to find both Shane and Harper Stevenson standing just a few feet away. Harper was already snapping pictures with her professional-grade camera while their son Mason sat on Shane’s shoulders observing everything around him with a critical eye. Shane sent me a wink and I straightened so I could pose for even more pictures with Violet and then Shane.
With Luca and Violet now playing on the lawn behind us with Lyric and Mason, Shane and Harper moved in to surround me while my dad took over Harper’s camera and started snapping more pictures. “We’re so proud of you, Lu,” Shane told me as he looked down at me with the same pride that was shining out of not just my dad’s eyes but Drake’s and Nik’s as well.
“Thanks,” I murmured, trying hard not to cry. “Thank you both for coming today. It means so much to me.”
Harper’s arm tightened around my shoulder and she pressed a soft kiss to my cheek. “We
wouldn’t have missed it for anything, sweetheart.” Dad stopped taking pictures when someone came up to shake his hand and Harper moved so she was facing me. “Are you sure you want to do a summer term at Georgetown? I have an intern spot open at the magazine and I would love to have you fill it.”
It wasn’t the first time Harper had asked me to take an intern position at her magazine. Since she had branched off from Rock America she had been after me to work for her. Harper no longer worked with rock stars, but had turned her new magazine into more of a traditional news outlet that had become not only one of the biggest magazines in the country but throughout the world as well. She had branches in Paris, London, Toronto, Germany, Brazil and was now looking into putting a branch in Japan.
As first-time jobs for a journalist went, working with Harper Stevenson would be a dream come true for anyone. But I wasn’t sure if journalism was where I wanted to go with my English degree once I had it. My hesitation wasn’t just because I wasn’t sure if I belonged in California anymore or not. With all the branches Harper had, I could have worked anywhere in the world. I just hadn’t decided what I wanted to do once school was over. I wanted to work with current affairs in a journalist position. I also wanted to be an author, but I’d been contemplating teaching as well.
I was undecided, but no one said I had to choose between the three options. I could do them all if I wanted to. If anything, I wanted to try all three. Maybe then I would be kept so busy I wouldn’t have time to think about anything else.
“Maybe next summer, Harper,” I offered with a smile. “I’d really like to start the fall semester as a sophomore.”
“You work too hard,” Shane grumbled as he ruffled my curls. “We never talk anymore.”
He was right. We didn’t talk nearly as much as we used to. Before my birthday I would text Shane at least once a day and we would talk on the phone or meet up to go for a run together at least every other week. He wasn’t the only one I didn’t talk to like I normally would. I didn’t call Drake like I had in the past and my chats with my sister were getting fewer and fewer. I didn’t know why I was distancing myself from my family.
Liar.