“Layla, that’s enough.” Dad grabbed her arms and pulled her around to face him, his eyes the stormiest I’d ever seen them. “What is the matter with you? Our daughter needs us and you’re shouting at her.”
With a strangled cry, she fell against Dad’s chest. “I’ve failed her,” she sobbed. “I should have known something was wrong. This is my fault.”
“What?” I pulled away from Harris and crossed to her. She thought this was her fault? I grasped her hand and she turned to face me. “Mom, none of this is your fault. It’s mine. I’m the one who did this to myself.”
The pain in her eyes told me everything I needed to know. The anger that had been in her voice hadn’t been at me. It was at herself. Maybe she didn’t hate me after all.
“I’m your mother, Lucy,” she whispered sadly, her hands covering my own and squeezing them reassuringly. “It’s my job to know when things are hurting you so badly that you want to harm yourself.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. Maybe she should have known, but I’d hidden my secret for six years. No one had ever suspected. No one. Why should she have? I’d found a way to cope and she’d thought I was getting better after the nightmares from my father had followed me around for so long.
“None of us knew, Lay.” Lana wrapped her arms around us both, her lips pressed first into Layla’s hair and then mine. “But now we do know, and we can help her.”
“How?” Layla whispered. “How do we help her?”
“We can figure that out together,” she promised, offering both of us a reassuring smile. I’d always thought Mom was the strongest of the three of us, but right then I knew it was Lana. It had always been L
ana. “As long as we do it together, I know she can get through this.”
With a shuddery breath, Mom nodded. Her arms wrapped around me, holding me against her chest. “I’m so sorry,” I told her, trying not to cry again.
“Me too, baby. Me too.” She stroked her hands over my hair, telling me without words that she loved me and wouldn’t ever let anything hurt me again.
I knew she couldn’t keep that promise. She had no way of knowing what the future held, but right then, I soaked up all her love and hoped it would get me through the worst that would follow.
??
I was exhausted. My eyes ached from crying so much, my throat was raw, and my stomach was still twisted with anxiety.
I wanted to fall into bed and sleep for a year, but I knew sleep would elude me. The events of the day kept replaying in my head and I tried to figure out if I should have done something differently, said something more—or less. After removing every possible thing I could use to hurt myself with, my family had gone to their hotel for the night, promising to return the next morning and hopefully having answers as to what steps we could take next.
After they had left I’d taken a shower while Harris and Marcus had stayed in the living room, talking quietly.
That had been half an hour ago, and now I was sitting in the middle of my bed, waiting for Harris to join me. Hoping that he still wanted to be with me. That I hadn’t scared him off with my fucked-up issues and he wasn’t still there only because he felt sorry for me.
He’d been beside me all day. Had held me and given me the courage I’d needed to tell everyone what was going on. I’d thought he was there because he loved me and wanted to help, but maybe I’d gotten it wrong. Maybe he just wanted to be friends now. Maybe he didn’t even want that much.
Those thoughts were driving me crazy and I clenched my hands into fists to keep from going into the bathroom and finding the kind of release I was becoming desperate for.
The bedroom door opened and Harris stepped through, distracting me for a moment from the suffocating need to cut. He dropped down onto the bed next to me, letting out a tired breath and wrapped an arm around my waist. “Shower feel good?” he murmured, pressing a kiss to my temple.
I nodded.
“Are you okay? You’ve been quiet since everyone left.” His fingers rubbed little circles on my bare thigh, making the need to do something stupid fade even further away as a new ache took its place.
I wanted his hands on every inch of my body. Wanted his heat to chase away the coldness that had invaded my body the moment I’d realized he knew about the cutting. I wanted him to kiss me so I would know if he still wanted me as much as I wanted him.
“Thank you for being with me today,” I told him. “I don’t think I could’ve done it without you.”
His fingers stopped and bit into the flesh of my outer thigh. “I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else, sweetness.”
I tried to smile, but my face didn’t want to cooperate. “I’m still thankful.”
“Lucy.” He turned so that he was facing me on the bed, his eyes searching mine. “Loving you doesn’t stop when things get ugly. If anything, that’s when you find out if that love is the forever kind. I’m not going anywhere. Ever. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I breathed.
He lifted his free hand and cupped my cheek, those aquamarine eyes darkening in a way that made it impossible to look away. “I have loved you all my life, Lucy Thornton. It would take a hell of a lot more than this to make me stop now. You are my moon and stars—my fucking world, girl. Don’t you ever doubt that. Ever.”