17
Ciana
What the fuck was I thinking?
That thought had been going through my head as soon as I’d told my sister I would go with her on a double date the night before. We’d been eating with the family, and Zariah had mentioned she was going on her second date with some guy she’d recently met. His college roommate was in town, and she’d told this new guy that she would bring me along so that the friend didn’t have to stay home alone.
Honestly, I’d barely been paying attention to her or anyone else at the dinner table, so when she’d put me on the spot, I’d agreed without hesitation—not even realizing what I’d agreed to until she’d called me at work earlier that day to let me know we were having dinner and then going clubbing with the new guy and his friend.
By the end of the workday, I was already exhausted, despite having slept for over ten hours the night before. It wasn’t even that I’d had an overly busy day. No, it was because I was growing three humans, and that shit took a lot out of a woman. Not that I could exactly tell my sister that. She might have only ever confided in me about her pro-ball–player ex, but I knew better than to do the same with her and the secrets I was keeping. Zariah would flip out, and then Mama and Papa would know less than two minutes later.
What the fuck was I thinking?
That question only grew louder in the back of my head from the moment Zariah introduced me to the stuffed-shirt asshole. One look at Patrick and I knew he wasn’t going to make it to date number three. The preppy-boy types with the boring but well-paying jobs and snide smirks that suggested they were God’s gift to women all thought they won the lottery when my sister happened to look twice at them, but they rarely made it to the third date before Zariah got tired of them and moved on.
Patrick worked on Wall Street, drove a hundred-thousand-dollar car, and dressed like the rich douchebag he was. I didn’t get the irony of it, because my brothers all drove expensive cars and dressed well, too—not to mention were richer than Patrick would ever hope to be. But the difference was that if our mother ever saw any of my brothers acting like Patrick did, they would be limping for the rest of their lives.
The douche took my hand the moment Zariah made the introduction, holding on to it for way too long so his thumb could caress my palm, his eyes undressing me in the simple navy-blue dress I’d thrown on in a rush when I’d gotten home from work. The whole time his eyes were on my chest, Zariah was on her phone, which was all I really needed to know about her feelings for him. She was so bored with him she didn’t want to be here any more than I did.
I was about to jerk my hand out of Patrick’s, say screw meeting his friend, who I was certain was just as much of a sleaze as he was, and walk out without another word to my sister, when a familiar tingle went down my spine. I shifted my head just enough to scan the area around us and had to lock my knees the moment my gaze landed on Bain.
He and several well-dressed men had just entered the restaurant. From the looks of the men, they were professional bodyguards, wearing earpieces like the Secret Service. That alone told me these were Torin Kennedy’s personal guards and not the goons who would have been protecting Bain. Torin needed to show the world he had high-class security, whereas Bain would only have used his thugs, I was sure.
Hazel eyes locked with mine. In that moment, everything inside me craved to have his arms around me. I wanted him to hold me, tell me everything was going to be okay. I’d been so scared since finding out I was pregnant with triplets, but I’d had to carry the fear of all the “what-ifs” and possible complications on my own. My heart had been begging me to call him, tell him about the babies, and, stupidly enough, maybe even forgive him.
But thankfully, my brain shut that shit down in a hurry every time my gullible heart tried to make those idiotic demands.
I saw longing in his eyes, hunger, need, and though I questioned my sanity, I recognized the love shining out of those camo orbs. He could have been an Oscar-winning actor if he’d ever pursued that particular career, because if I hadn’t known the truth, I would have believed that love was real.
He took a single step in my direction before his gaze dropped to where Patrick was still holding my hand. The douche was still drooling over the hint of cleavage my dress gave. Even from the distance that separated us, I could see the brown overtake the green in Bain’s irises. His jealousy became a living, breathing entity in the restaurant, and I was surprised no one else could feel it flooding the room along with his growing rage.
“He’s such an ass,” Zariah muttered to herself as she finally pulled her attention from her phone. Whatever she’d been reading on the screen had obviously annoyed her, and it amused me a little when she turned her ire on her date. “Patrick, where is your friend?”
He dropped my hand and slid his arm around her waist. “Daniel is making sure our table is ready, babe.”
Rolling her eyes, she pushed against his chest, taking a step back. “Didn’t I tell you I wasn’t a fan of your cologne? Fuck, you smell like you bathe in it. That’s such a turn-off. Isn’t it, Ciana?”
“Less is definitely more with that scent,” I agreed, forcing myself to keep my attention on them and not turn my head to clock Bain’s every move. Not that it mattered. My body was like some weird tracking mechanism where he was concerned, and I could sense where he was even with my back turned to him.
Heat filled Patrick’s face. “I’ll be sure to wear another fragrance next time, babe.”
Zariah’s phone vibrated in her hand, and she glanced at it but didn’t answer. “Asshole,” she muttered to herself before turning her annoyance back on her date. “Yeah, I don’t think there will be a next time, Patrick. You’re just not what I’m looking for. I thought by bringing my little sister tonight, I would be able to stomach another meal with you, but honestly, you aren’t worth either of our time.”
She linked her arm through mine before signaling Milo and one of her own guards that we were leaving. The other guard gave a nod, letting me know he was getting our vehicle. But while I was distracted, Patrick had stepped into Zariah’s personal space—and mine by default.
“Not worth your time?” he seethed. He was so pissed he was practically vibrating. Everyone around us was watching like we were some reality TV show they couldn’t look away from. “Who the fuck do you think you are, you spoiled little bitch?”
Zariah grimaced as spittle hit her cheek. “Do you really want to cause a scene right now?” she asked, her voice bored, but it only masked her growing anger. I could feel it boiling in her and unlinked our arms, taking a step back to get out of the line of danger.
The moment I stepped away from my sister, my back hit a wall of solid muscle, and I knew without looking who it was. My entire body felt as if it had been lit from the inside with a match, catching every nerve ending aflame. “Are you okay, mo chroí?” Bain husked at my ear as his arm wrapped around my waist.
His fingers caressed just below my navel, his touch possessive and protective in a way that made me want to turn and bury my face in his chest. Why did I miss him so much? His voice, his touch, the way he’d held me at night? As stressed as I’d been, having him touch me right then brought tears to my eyes. How could I want him so damn much when he’d destroyed me so effortlessly?
I didn’t move except to give a single nod, before he tugged me back a few extra feet. As he did, Milo jerked Patrick back, putting him in a headlock.
Patrick immediately started to struggle, calling my sister vile names that had some of the patrons gasping. Zariah was outwardly unfazed, rolling her eyes before turning and flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Like I said, not even worth my time.”
My sister’s voice broke me out of the spell I’d fallen under at Bain’s first touch. I jerked away from him and was surprised when he actually released me.
Zariah didn’t even notice him as she grasped my elbow and pulled me toward the front door. “I’m sorry I put you through that,” she said with sincerity as we stepped out onto the street. “I thought I was just being overly sensitive the other night and decided to give him one more chance tonight, thinking maybe I’d overlooked the good qualities on the first date. But, of course, I should have known better. There isn’t a single good guy outside of our family in this entire city.”
Her guard was already standing with our SUV’s door opened, Gino behind the wheel. Zariah told her guard what was going on, and he went in to help Milo before she climbed into the back seat. I waited for her to scoot over before joining her. As I started to close the door, Bain stepped out onto the street.
I jerked the door closed before my sister could see him. It was a small miracle that she hadn’t realized who he was inside. She knew I’d hooked up with Torin Kennedy on my vacation, but because I hadn’t mentioned him since my return, she hadn’t brought him up either. I wasn’t sure if it was because she was so busy she’d forgotten about him or if she was just waiting for me to bring it up, but either way, I was glad not to have to lie to her about him.
Zariah’s phone went off again, and she gave it a quick glance before shoving it into her purse.
“Who keeps texting you?” I asked curiously. Zariah never let a text go unanswered. That she’d just ignored two messages was a new record for her.
“Did you know I once thought about being a sports agent?” she muttered, keeping her voice low. “I was going to use my law degree to be the best agent in baseball history. But I would have only had one client.”
“Oh God,” I hissed back. “Is he bothering you?”
She shrugged like it didn’t matter as she looked out the side window. She was good at hiding her emotions, but when it came to him, I knew she struggled. “He’s run into some trouble. He needs a new agent, someone he says he can trust.” She muttered a curse under her breath before looking at me. “I told him, if that was the case, then he definitely didn’t want to ask for my help because if I ever saw him face-to-face again, I would beat him unconscious with his own baseball bat.”
Despite the chaotic emotions swirling around inside me over seeing Bain and the scene with Patrick, I found myself bursting out laughing. “Ah, Z, I would pay good money to see that.”
Her lips twitched as she tried to fight her own amusement. “I really am sorry I pulled you into this double date. I didn’t even meet Daniel, but he was probably just like Patrick, and that is an awful thing for a loving big sister to do to her favorite baby sis.”
“I’m your only sister, but it was definitely entertaining,” I said with a smile. “And now I’m starving.”
“Me too.” She leaned forward. “Hey, Gino. I think the boys are going to be in there for a while. How about we grab some dinner before coming back for them?”
“Pizza?” he suggested, pulling out his phone to call in an order for us.
“Perfect,” we said in unison.
Over thirty minutes later, he pulled back up to the restaurant, a pizza box open between us as we stuffed our faces with our third slice each. The two guards were standing on the sidewalk, waiting for us. Zariah’s guard got in the front with Gino, but I put the pizza box on my lap and scooted over so Milo could sit in the back with us.
I offered him a slice, and as he took it, I saw the scrapes on his knuckles. “Ouch. Did it get that intense?”
“Would have been worse if Kennedy’s men hadn’t stepped in,” he grumbled before taking a bite. “Surprised the hell out of me when the man himself helped us drag the fucker out back. Delivered a few punches himself before disappearing back inside.” Milo glared over my head at my sister. “Your taste in men sucks.”
She sighed. “Yeah, I’m aware.” Then she seemed to jolt. “Wait, did you say Kennedy?” Her blue eyes, so like our father’s, met mine. “As in Torin Kennedy?”
“One and the same,” Milo confirmed, taking another bite of pizza.
I shook my head at her, silently telling her to leave it alone. Her forehead scrunched up, but she just gave my arm a squeeze, honoring my request not to talk about it. Releasing the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding, I relaxed back into the seat.
Exhaustion once again pressed down on me, and it was a struggle just to keep my eyes open. On the ride home, Zariah’s phone went off a dozen more times, but she didn’t even take it from her purse. As Gino pulled into the compound, I checked my own phone in an attempt to stay awake. Unlike my sister, I didn’t leave my phone on vibrate. If the ringer was off, it was completely silent. When I glanced at the screen, I had to quickly turn it off again before either Milo or Zariah saw the numerous missed texts waiting for my attention.
Zariah shot me a curious look but thankfully didn’t question me as the vehicle stopped and Milo got out to assist me. “I’m going to bed,” I called to her as I rushed into the house. “See you later.”
“Bye. Love you!” she said with a wave before Milo closed the door, and Gino drove her up to her recently finished house.
I didn’t look at my phone again until I was behind my locked bedroom door.
Torin: Tell me you are safe, mo chroí.
I grimaced, knowing I should change his name in my phone, but it was the only one that wouldn’t cause too many questions if anyone in my family saw it. Really, I should have blocked him, but apparently, I was a glutton for punishment because no matter how many texts or calls I got from him, I never once thought about blocking his number.
Torin: Did you eat dinner? I don’t want you to be hungry.
Torin: Answer me, Ciana!
Torin: You felt so good against me. I need to hold you again.
Torin: Please.
Even as I was reading the last text, another came through.
Torin: I miss you so fucking much.
My legs had just enough strength to carry me to my bed, where I dropped carefully down on the end. Tears stung my eyes, and I tossed my phone toward the pillows so I wouldn’t reply to his messages. A sob bubbled up in my throat, and I struggled to swallow it as the memory of the way he’d touched my belly earlier came back to haunt me.
Unable to stop myself, I touched where his fingers had been, trying to recreate the sensation. But it only made me feel his absence more. I longed to curl up beside him in bed, feel his breath on my neck as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. He would kiss my bare shoulder, tell me how much he loved me, and I would fall asleep with a smile, knowing that I was safe and cared for.
Only, it wasn’t real. Not even when it had actually happened was any of it real. Not the feeling of being safe. Not his love. It had just been a game he’d played for Sheena.
Why he continued to torment me with those texts, telling me he missed me, pretending like he cared, I didn’t know, but it hurt. Because no matter how many times I told myself I hated him, that he’d ruined my life, I knew it wasn’t a complete lie.
I did hate him.
But I loved him, too.