The words rang of truth, because I still loved him. Despite everything, I loved him. So what did that say about me?
That I was a masochist.
A fool.
Ryan flinched, then frowned in confusion. “None of this makes sense, Ciana. For fuck’s sake, how did you even meet him?”
Oh God. Here it was. The moment I had to come clean and confess everything. The nausea that had plagued me all morning doubled, and I had to swallow several times to keep from puking all over the front steps. “It’s a long story. But we met while I was on vacation. We fell in love, but there was a huge misunderstanding, and I came home convinced I would never see him again. Then I found out I was pregnant…” I shrugged, as if the rest was history. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would have told you everything. But I can’t. Now, all either of us can do is move forward.”
“You knew who he was?” I knew the instant it all clicked for him, and the look of betrayal in his brown eyes nearly brought me to my knees. “Ciana, if you knew who he was, then you knew who he was related to. I’ve told you how much Sheena hates me and our family. You knew what my mother did to me, but the old woman still blamed me for what happened. How could you trust anyone from that family? Fuck, how could you put not only yourself in danger, but Nova?”
I couldn’t keep from trembling any longer.
“If you had told me they had gotten so close to you, I could have protected you both better. I never would have let Nova out of my sight!”
“I-I’m sorry,” I sobbed.
“You might as well have handed Nova over to Sheena yourself.”
Something detonated inside me, causing excruciating pain to shoot through my entire body. “Stop,” I pleaded. No longer strong enough to hold myself up, I sagged against Bain. “Ryan, I’m sorry. I know I messed up. I can never tell you how sorry I am. I didn’t know how to—”
“You helped them take her from me,” he seethed, and I flinched at the pure venom in his voice. The hate he couldn’t mask that was directed at me. And he was justified. “You have no right to cry for her when you’re just as responsible for her death as they are.”
“Enough!” Bain bellowed when I started sobbing uncontrollably. His arms were like gentle vises around me, rocking me against him…lovingly? “You will not speak to her like that. She knows she made a mistake. Do not torment her more.”
I cried so hard, I started to strangle on the tears and snot. Ryan was right. I was just as responsible. I could have saved Nova if only I’d told him everything. Instead, I’d cost my precious cousin her life.
“Come with me now, and I’ll forgive you.”
I couldn’t trust my own ears, but hope blossomed in my chest, causing my sobs to pause as I turned my head to look at him. “Wh-what did you say?”
Ryan’s jaw was rock hard, his hands balled into fists. “If you come with me now, I will forgive you. We don’t even have to tell anyone about your relationship with Bain. You know Zia would lose her mind if she found out you hooked up with him.”
His offer to forgive me was more than I’d ever hoped to have, but I couldn’t do what he wanted. If I let him talk me into going home with him, then Bain would signal the sniper…
“I-I can’t go with you, Ryan. I belong h-here.”
“Ciana, if you don’t come with me, I’ll never forgive you. Your deceit has cost me the one thing in the world I can’t live without. If you had been loyal to me, to Nova, she would still be here. That’s on you. All you had to do was speak up, damn it!”
My tears started flowing again, but I swallowed my sobs this time. I had to be strong. If I wasn’t, I would be responsible for yet another person I loved dying. “I know. And that makes what I have to do now even more important. You are the person in the world I love most, Ryan.”
Bain made a noise that sounded like a wounded bear that everyone in the vicinity must have heard, but I kept my gaze locked on Ryan, praying Bain didn’t get so pissed off that he ordered Ryan be taken out. “You’re my best friend, my twin by choice. I won’t have your death on my conscience too.”
Unable to hold on any longer without losing it completely, I jerked away from Bain and sprinted into the house. Needing to be alone, I raced up to my room and locked the door before collapsing on the bed. “G-goodbye, Ryan,” I sobbed into my pillow.