Heart Shaped Spotlight

I can only half breathe, nothing is real

Can only half see, only half feel

Day by day by lonely night

I tried so hard to make things right

Those eyes that haunt me in the dark

I miss your lips, your light, your spark

The feeling’s just a memory

Of how she kisses just like me

Baby, I’m sorry... that I haven’t found you yet.

The way he held the note on the word ‘sorry’ made my heart dissolve into a sticky, confused puddle. There was zero doubt in my mind that he was singing directly to me. I couldn’t believe it. And it was true.

I stood up as my feet began dragging me around the room, pacing. Just when I had half convinced myself that I should really try to move on, here he was. It was outrageous and impossible and completely over the top. In other words, it was Nate.

Time had nearly erased the problems we had together, leaving only the blissful memories of his fingers entwined with mine. The way he would reach up to brush my hair out of my eyes. The way he would shyly kiss me on the cheek if he wasn't sure whether or not we were in a place where it was appropriate for him to kiss me on the lips.

At the time, I couldn’t imagine loving anyone more than him. Although we’d never gone farther than kissing and snuggling, I had been ready to take several more steps just before my family moved. Even though I hadn’t been sure I could stay with him forever. He was

constantly surrounded by people, always on the move. It was a lot for me to take, even though he was truly good for me.

My feet took me around the small room in an awkward oval, my fingers fluttering nervously. This was one of the reasons I needed so much time alone – so that I could pace and shake this odd anxious energy out of me.

Nate was the only person who had ever made me feel impressed with myself. And grounded. And everything I'd ever wanted to be.

Still staring at the TV in shock, I tried to pay attention while they played a quick recap of all of the best performances.

Nate had been the clear favorite from the very beginning, or so it seemed. The judges adored him, the crowd went wild, and the glittery hostess could barely keep her hands to herself. The other competitors really didn’t stand a chance, no matter how much the show pretended that it was going to be a close call. It wasn’t.

Even the other three contestants shot him knowing smiles as they took the stage for the results of the big vote. They all looked excited but were already half-turned to where Nate was standing at the end of the row.

When they finally announced the winner, Nate didn't even look surprised. Confetti bombs and swirling heart shaped lights danced around the stage. The only thing I could focus on was Nate staring into the camera, saying, "Thank you so much to everyone who voted for me. Thanks to Love Rockers for putting on such an inspiring contest, and to my fellow songwriters for helping push each other.”

All of the competitors hugged, and it was nice to see that it seemed to be the sort of show that lifted everyone up instead of creating false enemies for cheesy drama.

He flashed that sexy grin at the camera, and winked. “Don't forget, if you know anyone named Trisha who is twenty-five years old, have her email my manager."

After all these years, my stomach shouldn't flutter. My breath shouldn't become short. On the other hand, he should not still be thinking about me.

But he was. And he was telling the entire world.

Chapter Four ~ Nate

* Nothing Yet *

Forcing myself to look happy and excited was second nature. People expected musicians to be thrilled with every recording, every show. Playing the character of the delightful performer was just part of who I was now.

I was certainly pleased to have won, but seeing Dave’s head shake when I glanced at him made my heart turn to stone. Still no email.

If anyone searched my name online, they’d find www.NateRobertsSongs.com. At the very top, in hot pink, was a button asking Trisha to email Dave. Yet still nothing.

It was time to let go and move on. As I hugged fans and posed for endless photos, trying to ignore the wandering hands across my chest and ass, I plastered on a bright expression.