“Is there anything I can do?” I said as gently as possible.
“You want to make it all better, don’t you? You want to flash that huge rockstar smile that had everyone at your feet in high school, and on that TV show, and everywhere you go in life. It’s harder for other people, Nate. We don’t live in your fantasy land. I tried to visit, but I can’t do it. I want a private life.”
My throat began to close. “Are you breaking up with me?” I rasped.
Trisha nodded slightly, openly sobbing now. “This is not our relationship, Nate,” she choked. “This is your relationship. You’ve been in it for years, and I’m just showing up to fulfill your fantasy.”
I’ve never heard her cry so hard, and even though she was breaking my heart, it killed me not to be there to comfort her
“We had our fun,” she said, trying to fake a smile. “You’ve seen the real me, and that I’ll never measure up and be what you really need. Now you can let me go.”
Seeing the pain written plainly across her face, my heart broke for her. “Trisha, please… I’ll be there in a week, I think. Can we talk then?”
“No. It’s over. I’m going to try to have that site taken down before it gets worse and taints your reputation. Then I’m going to try to get back to normal.”
“I’m still going to talk to Dave about the legal issues of that site,” I said.
“Don’t bother. It doesn’t matter. You can splash your broken heart around online to sell more albums.”
“You know I’m not like that,” I whispered.
“We barely know each other,” she sniffled. “That’s the problem. We keep acting like there’s much more than there really is. I want it to be true, but it just isn’t. Take care of yourself, Nate.”
She ended the call, leaving me alone with my coffee and notebooks in a bland hotel room. This was the way I’d spent so many nights, but I’d always gotten through it with the hope of finding Trisha someday.
Now I’d found her, not listened to her, and fucked everything up.
Chapter Twenty One ~ Trisha
* Rain *
How does one go back to regular life after ending things with a wonderful man?
Walking alone in the rain.
The streetcar was too cheerful, so I left my apartment early so that I could walk in the drizzle. Being chilly felt right. The rain disguised my tears. Although I should have felt like Nate and I were over and done forever, I couldn’t stop tossing and turning every detail around in my head like salad.
I was relieved that Kim wasn’t at her desk when I rushed in, shaking out my dripping coat. I hadn’t quite decided what to do about her yet.
I rarely looked at non-work related websites while I was at the office, but I felt I needed to see what else was online about me. After Kim’s seriously embellished article were a few more articles that seemed to be asking dramatic questions more than actually listing any facts. Or even lies.
Did Trisha contact Nate because she’s carrying another man’s love-child? Is Trisha the ultimate groupie? Why did Trisha wait until after the show ended to contact her long lost love?
I actually laughed at a few parts. As much as it was disgustingly personal, and downright offensive, it was also completely ridiculous. It was hard to believe that some people chose to read absolute bullshit when there was a ton of entertainment news available that wasn’t so trashy.
Skimming around a couple of related sites, there were endless photos of Nate with other women. In many of them he had his arm slung casually around their shoulders, but there was no air of closeness about them. He just wanted to take a good picture for them. He seemed completely oblivious that he could have turned and kissed any of them, giving them the thrill of a lifetime.
The smile he was giving them was far different than the way he smiled at me. My eyes fell closed as I recalled the way he looked at me like I was his favorite thing in the universe. I wanted to be that girl so badly. I wanted to be the one he always turned to, the one who always listened, and tried to work through life with him.
It was just so hard, and awkward, and completely unnerving.
When I went to the break room to fix myself a strangely bitter cup of coffee, I took a moment to stare at the rain out the window. It was really pouring now. I wondered if it was sunny on the other side of the country, where Nate was likely working on songs about the girl who broke his heart.
Holly and Patrick, one of our audio techs, came in to congratulate me for the Vancouver job. I was a bit shocked.
"Now we have our own little network,” Holly gushed. “I've already been talking with their hosts about ideas for shows we can bounce back and forth from city to city."
"They've been meaning to do this for over a year, and I'm glad they finally put you on the case," Patrick said. "Great job, Trisha."