Whispered Curses

Getting to the coffee shop early, I spoke with the owner, explaining the situation as briefly as possible. Since I was a regular, he agreed to keep the music in the back room soft and upbeat, while encouraging all customers to sit in the front so that we had a bit of privacy.

Nervousness was not an emotion I ever allowed to come to the forefront. It only happened if you were not prepared enough, I had always told myself before presentations.

If you were nervous, that meant there was potential for failure. Acknowledging that potential was no way to walk into a meeting. It was better to walk in already knowing the outcome. Believing it. Knowing it in your heart through and through.

As I sat in the back of the café, frantically drumming my fingers on the table, I was struck by my realization that I was superstitious as well. I had my own patterns of belief that were completely illogical. But I believed them because it worked for me.

Holy shit.

There was no way that I should try to talk Eden out of believing in her grandmother's words. I should help her find a way around instead.

~ Chapter 13 ~ Eden ~

* Just Business *

I actually had to call in a favor to have someone proofread an assignment that was due. My eyes were slightly blurry with tears that wouldn't stop.

Having always been a person that played by the rules, sticking to things that were logically the next step, I was torn into pieces from trying to figure out what to do about Eric. It should be a yes or no decision. Because of Nana’s whispers, it should be no.

Yet he made me feel more complete, and more cherished than anyone I'd ever been with before.

Once I corrected the seventeen typos that my friend caught for me, I emailed my assignment off. Splashing cold water on my face, I started to get ready. A lot of makeup would be a mistake, so I smudged on a little waterproof eyeliner, and tried to look awake with a bit of blush.

Although I wanted to stay in my slouchy track pants and worn-out sweater, that didn't put me in the mindset of a business meeting. It w

as rather adorable that Eric wanted to frame it this way, to help me stay calm. I found a long, dark purple dress that looked quite nice, but was as comfortable as a nightgown.

Picking up Eric's hoodie from my dresser, I couldn't resist burying my nose in it. It smelled very faintly of his lemon soap. Rolling it up, I stuffed it in my huge purse, resolving to give it back to him.

As I walked to the café, I tried to figure out how open I should be with him. If we were ending things before they even started, there was no sense in telling him how big my feelings already were. I’d have to hold it together.

I wanted to stand outside of my mind and give myself a good talking to. Like yelling at a movie when the girl at home alone goes down to the basement to investigate a scary noise. We should know better. I should know better. But I was going anyway.

Even though I arrived five minutes early, Eric was at a table in the back, with a coffee already prepared for me. He had also set a glass of water and a muffin in front of the empty chair beside him.

As soon as I approached, he stood up, holding out his arms tentatively. "May I hug you?"

I tumbled into his arms, trying desperately not to cry, but he could sense it. "Shh, baby, please." I heard his voice hitch as if he were overcome with emotion as well. "You get it all out," he said as he stroked my back gently. "But it's killing me that you're upset."

Nodding against his chest, I tried to inhale his warmth. His strength. After a moment, I took another deep breath, then straightened up, sitting down and trying to focus. He sat down beside me and took a sip of coffee.

"What did you want to talk about?" I said in a tiny voice.

"You mentioned that there were two reasons why we couldn't be together," he said gently. "I don't want to upset you, and I don't want you to share more than you're comfortable with. But I thought that perhaps if you were to tell me a bit about both, we could try to see if these are hurdles that we could overcome."

I nodded, taking a sip of coffee while I tried to steady myself. Something about the rich, earthy fragrance always made me feel more grounded.

"I guess I'll start with the one that's easier to explain," I said slowly. "Six months ago, I broke up with a guy. Andy and I had only dated for around six months, but it was like…" I stared down at my hands, fussing with my thumbnail.

"I guess I wanted that part of my life to be a checkmark instead of an empty space," I said, trying to explain it to myself as much as to Eric. “It was so hard to learn how to speak with guys, and open myself up. I didn’t want to think I’d ever have to do that again.”

I realized that sounded pathetic. Wow.

“Holy squid,” I muttered more to myself than to Eric, “I’m so nervous about relationships that I’d rather stay in a lousy one than try again.” I looked up at him in shock.

Instead of acknowledging that I’m an idiot, he looked disturbed. “Eden, I didn’t realize that it was so hard for you. No wonder I freaked you out, coming on so strong, so fast.”

"You know, Andy looked good on paper,” I said lamely. “He had finished university, had a great job. He came from a nice family."