Whispered Curses

I'd always been the person to sit still and think things through for hours and days before making a decision. I would never be known as a person of action. It was not my nature.

Maybe it was because I was usually lost in books and quiet thoughts. Maybe it was that standing up for myself was terrifying.

No matter how my mind functioned naturally, Eric seemed to be excellent at nudging me out of my shell. He wasn't demanding, he was playful about it. I knew that I was safe to tell him no at any time. Sometimes I just wanted to please him.

And I dearly wanted to find that part of myself that jumped into action without endless pondering.

Some people can just go with their guts. I don't think I've ever trusted my gut. Everything got tangled up in a wave of nervous tension.

Like knowing that Eric had been strangely aggressive in pursuing me, even calling in help. I honestly didn’t know whether that was admirable, or strange. I didn’t know if it was a red flag. We felt so right together that it seemed that something so bizarre should be forgiven.

Perhaps it was my paranoia, but the first month of my last relationship I felt on top of the world as well. Not even a quarter as wonderful as I did now, but it was a high at the time. I hoped that my dark thoughts and nervous ways didn’t let bad things creep into what could be everything I’d ever dreamed of.

As Andrea gave me some gum to chew during landing, Eric held my hand tightly. No matter what I thought of our relationship overall, I was extremely glad he was here to take care of me. The thought of going to see my mother in the hospital was completely freaking me out.

A town car was already waiting for us on the tarmac. I didn't even know where we were going, but he guided us to the hospital and already knew exactly where my mother's room was.

"I got a text that the surgery went well," he said gently, leading me along. "She just came out of recovery, and was wheeled to her room twenty minutes ago.” It was a huge relief that he was so on top of everything.

As we walked down a long white hallway, Eric kept an arm around me. I looked up to see him watching my face. I shrugged slightly. "Yeah, I know. I'm one of those people who get jumpy in hospitals."

He stroked my back gently. "It's okay. Your only job is to chat with your Mom for a while, and let her know you're here for her. I will take care of absolutely everything else."

"Thank you," I whispered, wondering why I was instantly teary so easily. It was probably stress.

Mom was a bit older when she had me, and had always been a little fragile. She was easily sick or injured, but this was likely the worst trip yet.

"Remember," he said as we approached the end of the hall, "She just came out of recovery, so she might be asleep, or groggy, or,” he grinned down at me, "High as a kite. Anesthetic affects people in different ways. So don't be alarmed if she's loopy."

I nodded, then we were standing in front of the door of a private room.

Eric hesitated, which was rather unlike him. "I'm pretty sure they only allow one visitor at a time," he said. "And this would be a very strange way for her to meet a stranger. I'll be sitting right here," he said, pointing to a row of chairs. "You take your time, okay?"

Ignoring the two nurses in green scrubs walking by us, I stretched up to give him a kiss. “Thank you," I said again.

He gave me a hug, then set his hands on my shoulders. "It's time for you to be a tough chick," he smiled.

I nodded, then took a few tentative steps through the half-open door.

My mother looked pale, and at least ten years older, lying motionless in the bed. Unlike any hospital room I'd seen previously, this one was nicely decorated like a hotel, with warm lighting instead of ugly fluorescents.

A woman in purple scrubs was sitting in a corner chair, and she jumped up immediately. "Hello," she said in a gentle voice that was nearly a whisper. "You must be Eden. I'm Katy, your mother's nurse."

"How is she?" I asked, matching her quiet tone.

She was almost as old as my mother, and had lovely gentle energy around her. Her instant smile made me feel a lot better. "She's doing really well," Katy said. "She was talking a bit when they transferred her from recovery to this room, but then she closed her eyes again. It's completely normal. People drift in and out for a while."

"And the surgery went well?" I asked.

"Absolutely. Dr. Armstrong said that everything went perfectly. Obviously, she needs to stay off it for several weeks, then there will be a bit of physio to build her back up. Then she'll be walking around pretty much like normal."

She cocked her head, looking at me carefully, and lowering her voice even more. "Your mother wasn't a long-distance runner, or a ballroom dancer or anything like that, was she?"

I shook my head. "No, she was a bookworm. She liked long slow walks, but that's about as athletic as she got."

Katy nodded with relief. "Then she'll be absolutely fine. She'll be back to long walks in a few months."

"Eden?" A weak voice rasped from the bed.