MANifesting

There was no denying the incredible connection we had last night. Maybe he just wasn’t a morning person.

There was still so much I didn’t know about him. After sharing ourselves so absolutely, maybe we should catch up with regular conversation as well. The thought that perhaps he really wasn’t that into me tried to sneak into my brain, but I blocked it out.

Pouring myself a coffee, I grabbed a granola bar and sat at my coffee table, pulling my journal over.

There was absolutely no way to describe the things that I had felt last night, not even on the page. Kellan’s body against mine was intoxicating. I’d never felt so alive, so wanted. The heavenly sensation of giving my body to him made me feel nearly drunk with power.

For most of my life, I had tried to make everything as perfect and orderly as possible. I didn’t have the urge to do that with Kellan. I just wanted to be with him and let whatever happened, happen..

My pen skimmed across the page as I scribbled down some affirmations.

Kellan and I are becoming better connected.

I am relaxed and safe in this new relationship.

I am able to take my time with the process.

I found myself chewing the end of my pen before forcing myself to write another few lines.

I am learning about the sexual side of my being, and I love it.

I am free to give my body to whomever I choose, and be open with pleasure.

After taking more notes in my journal for at least half an hour, I busied myself with cleaning my apartment, picking up groceries, and doing laundry for the rest of the day. It was easy to lie to myself and say that I was being productive, but really I wanted to make sure that as many evenings as possible were free next week if Kellan wanted to go out again.

A deep sigh of relief rattled through me when I got his text late that night.

Kellan: Hey, gorgeous. I’m being dragged to my brother’s barbecue tomorrow afternoon, and it would be much more fun if you came with me. Are you free?

Me: Your brother Dale, with the wife you don’t like?

Kellan: Ha ha. Yes. But Cheryl is a good hostess, and a pretty good cook.

He’d only spoken about his younger brother and his new wife in bits and pieces, but I could sense some tension there. If it made the occasion easier for Kellan, I would definitely play along and be a bright, chatty diversion. Plus, I wanted any excuse to spend more time with him.

Me: Sure. What can I bring?

Kellan: I’m bringing some dessert, so we’re good. I’ll pick you up at three.

Me: Cool. Looking forward to it.

Kellan: Me too. xox

I didn’t want to read too much into those tiny text kisses and hugs, but it felt adorable. Cutesy. Another little clue that my big tough guy was actually tender, and truly into this relationship.

CHAPTER TWELVE

* Kellan *

As I turned the car into Dale’s subdivision, I realized that my foot was getting lighter on the gas. I just didn’t want to see his perfect new life, which had been orchestrated by the woman who took everything over.

Reaching out to take Allie’s hand, she flashed me one of her bright smiles. There was no way she was anything like Cheryl, I reminded myself, and I needed to chill out.

Maybe I was just overreacting because I knew in my heart that Allie was the one, and it was too much to process so quickly.

When we arrived, I took a box of pastries from the backseat, and went straight around to the backyard to introduce everyone. Cheryl practically pounced on Allie, hugging the daylights out of her and pulling her aside to serve some special tea in fancy teacups that seem to excite them both.

Allie was a great sport, playing along while Dale and I had a beer and supervised the burgers on the grill.