Tortured Souls (Rebels of Sandland 2)

JoeNotExotic- Hi Lady!

Fucking_Alan- Lady, I hope you are one. These douche canoes are roasting me today.

HangingWithMyGnomies- You brought it on yourself, Alan. Hey Lady!

I’d obviously joined the chat at a crucial point in their stage of grieving. I was intrigued to find out why they were all hating on Alan, although his username did kind of give him away. I didn’t want to type anything yet though. Even though a few had said hi, I wasn’t ready to jump in.

Fucking_Alan- Gnomio, you wish you had my way with the ladies. I know you only log on these days to hear about my exploits. Looking for tips are ya?

HangingWithMyGnomies- Pretty sure the earth revolves around the sun not you, Alan. The only tip I’d accept from you would be in pound sterling, mate.

Fucking_Alan- Jealousy isn’t a good look on you.

EmoGirl- Alan, your date climbed out of the bathroom window after you told her if she ate much more, you’d be rolling her home. I don’t think he needs those kinds of tips.

Fucking_Alan- It was a JOKE, people. Do chicks not have a sense of humour these days?

JoeNotExotic- Dude, if you’re trying to improve the world you should really start with yourself. Nothing needs more help than you do.

Fucking_Alan- I don’t need help. I’m perfect as I am. In the immortal words of the great Mac Davis, ‘Oh Lord, it’s so hard to be humble, when you’re perfect in every way. I get frightened to look in the mirror, ‘cos I get better looking each day.’

EmoGirl- I’d be frightened to see how fat your head was. You should change your username to elephant man.

Fucking_Alan- Now that’s just rude, EmoGirl. Not to mention disability-ist or whatever they call it. To know me is to love me. And I’m one hellova man.

JoeNotExotic- You’re one hellova something. Maybe I shouldn’t type it on here. This is a public chatroom.

Fucking_Alan- Joe, knock yourself out. No, really. Go and knock yourself out *Insert punch emoji* and do us all a favour. Just joking! Before you all jump on the troll express. Joe, you know I love you.

HangingWithMyGnomies- Careful, Joe. Sounds like he wants to take you on a date next.

JoeNotExotic- Lol. I’m JoeNotExotic, otherwise known as the troll king, the gay, keyboard warrior nerdy kid… not a mullet in sight over here. I’d chew you up and spit you out, Alan. Still want a piece of me?

Fucking_Alan- Which piece are you offering?

EmoGirl- Fuck’s sake. New girl, lady, must think we’re a bunch of weirdos.

Fucking_Alan- Speak for yourself, Emo.

EmoGirl- Jesus loves you, Alan. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

Fucking_Alan- I’m thinking of changing my name to CaroleBasketcase, just so we look like a couple, Joe.

JoeNotExotic- To be honest, we’d never work, Alan. I’m a unicorn and you’re a donkey. I’m majestic and you, my dear, are just an ass.

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. This wasn’t what I was expecting when I logged on. Not one of them had mentioned a lost brother or sister. I guessed this was what the charity had meant when they said it was run by the members for the members and no subject was off limits. Looked like Alan had brought an extra large spoon into the chat with him so he could stir shit up.

I saw a few private chats pop up along the bottom of my screen and hesitated, wondering if I should open them or not. I clicked on the one from EmoGirl first. She seemed like one of the saner members of the group.

EmoGirl- Hey. Don’t let Alan put you off. Everyone is really cool in here. Alan is a knob, but you’ll get used to him.

LadyStoneheart23- I gotta admit, this wasn’t the chat I expected when I came on here.

EmoGirl- It can get darker. We try to keep it light. We all have our demons in here and most of us prefer to suppress them. You okay?

I stared at the cursor blinking back at me. Was I okay? I guess I needed to be honest.

LadyStoneheart23- Not really.