Tortured Souls (Rebels of Sandland 2)

JoeNotExotic- And???

Fucking_Alan – She had no fucking teeth.

Regina_Phalange – Oh my God. Bloody priceless.

EmoGirl – Maybe she had an illness?

JoeNotExotic – Always positive thinking, Emo. I love you, girl.

Fucking_Alan – A bloody illness? Girl was sick if she thought I’d be going there. She had like three teeth in her head. Three. My nan has more than that.

Regina_Phalange – Was she a good friend of your nan’s?

Fucking_Alan- Come again?

Regina_Phalange – I have images of you turning up to a date with an eighty-year-old. So funny.

Fucking_Alan – She was in her twenties. I’m no octogenarian-phile or whatever the opposite of a pedo is. Calm your tits, Reggie.

Legion has joined the chat.

JoeNotExotic – I’m really gonna regret typing this, ‘cos I’m gonna sound like Alan, but at least she’d give good head.

EmoGirl – Joe, I’m disappointed. ROFL

JoeNotExotic- Me too, Emo. *Hangs head in shame and gives an evil laugh*

Fucking_Alan- I’m so glad my dating exploits amuse you.

Regina_Phalange- Every fucking time, mate.

Fucking_Alan – When I got home, I looked at her Facebook and Insta.

EmoGirl- She actually gave you her last name?

Fucking_Alan – Last name, phone number, social security number… This chick was desperate. When I looked online, she wasn’t smiling with her mouth open in any of those photos. Even if I had cyber stalked her, I wouldn’t have known. Girl duped me. I dated a fucking gummy bear… Well, the female version of Albert Steptoe. Nothing is advertised properly these days.

EmoGirl – Speaking of stalking, how you doing, Lady?

LadyStoneheart23- Better for coming on here and hearing about Alan’s toothless date.

Fucking_Alan- Yep. There’ll be plenty of ‘gaps’ in her diary from now on. I’m not bitter though. I hope she succeeds. You know, like a toothless parrot. Sucks seeds. Get it?

JoeNotExotic - *Watching the tumbleweed blow past*

EmoGirl – Alan’s tinder dates get excited when they hear he has a corner office with views of the city, drives a half a million pound vehicle and gets paid to travel. But it kinda sucks when they find out he’s a bus driver.

Fucking_Alan – I used to be a bus driver, but I got sick of people talking behind my back. Ba dum chhh…

EmoGirl- Anyway, enough about Alan’s toothless wonders. How you really doing, Lady?

LadyStoneheart23 – You really don’t want to know.

TommyTank has joined the chat.

Fucking_Alan –Tommy! Mate. Do I have a story for you!

Regina_Phalange- Hey Tom!