This Cruel Love

“Please, Nina… please. I’m begging you… don’t leave. Don’t take Ryley away from me.”

Daddy sounded so sad. I couldn’t stop a stray tear from trickling down my cheek as I listened to him. I wanted to go to him. Hug him and tell him I’d never leave him. He was my Daddy. I loved him the most of all.

“I can’t stay here, Harry. Not after all this.”

Daddy’s face screwed up, like someone had stuck a needle into his arm. I knew that look, because it’s the look I’d made after having my injections a few months ago. He was hurting.

“I’m not asking for anything from you, Nina. I know things between us are… well, they’re broken. But maybe in time we can fix this? Just please don’t leave. I’ll move into the spare room. I’ll let you live your own life, but please let the children stay here together… with us. Don’t destroy the family over this.”

“Family?” she barked back at him. “What family? We haven’t been a real family for years now.”

Hadn’t we? What were we then, if we weren’t a real family? Mummy was confusing me. I was surprised Daddy was being so calm. I’d have told her off or grounded her if I was him. She was acting really weird.

“We are family, we always will be. You’re all I’ve got. You, Travis, and Ryley. You’re my world.”

Mummy laughed. Why was that funny?

“The kids are your world. Me? I left your world a long time ago. I’m not yours anymore, Harry.”

Daddy started to cry silent, heart-breaking tears, as Mummy just sat there looking at him. Why wasn’t she comforting him? Daddy was sad. It was her job to hold him and make it all better. Why wasn’t she his? I was frowning so deeply my forehead hurt.

“You’re not his now either though, are you?” Daddy sniffed quietly and ran his hands over his face. “We can find peace here, with the children. We can make this work. We have to. Something good has to come out of this sad, sorry, fucked up mess.”

“But I’m pregnant, Harry.” Mummy started sobbing again, big, fat tears and noisy grunts.

I gasped. Pregnant? As in having a baby pregnant? Was I going to be a big sister? This was awesome news! Why were they both so miserable?

My gasp must’ve broken through their little bubble, as Daddy began to climb the stairs to where I was crouching down. He looked wary, as if he was afraid to find out what I’d heard.

“What’re you doing awake this late, baby girl? You need to be in bed getting your beauty sleep.”

“But I can’t sleep, and I heard you and Mummy fighting.”

He smiled, but his eyes told me he wanted to cry, like he was dying inside.

“I’m scared, Daddy. Why are you fighting?”

“Don’t be scared, sweet pea. It’s going to be all right.”

He lifted me up into his arms, and I saw Mummy coming up the stairs behind him, guilt washing over her tear-stained face.

She reached us and rubbed my back soothingly, then kissed the top of my head.

“Daddy and I, we’re fine, little one. We just heard some sad news, that’s all. It’s really upset us, but it’s nothing for you or your brother to worry about. Just boring adult stuff.”

She looked past me to Daddy, but she didn’t smile at him or soothe him like she was doing to me.

“Are we leaving? Is that why you’re both sad? I don’t want to leave.”

Daddy sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, and Mummy’s eyes grew wide with horror.

“No! This is our home, Ryley. We aren’t leaving.”

Mummy looked at Daddy and gestured for him to take me back to my bedroom. She followed us as Daddy cradled me in his arms. He was so tall that whenever he held me, I always worried that he’d drop me. The fall would be so far; it terrified me. Ever since I’d fallen out of our tree house when I was three, I’d been scared of heights. I held onto him extra tightly, with my hands wrapped around his thick, warm neck.

He lay me down on my bed, and Mummy sat on the mattress next to me.

“Ryley, I don’t know what you heard tonight. All you need to know is that Daddy and I love you and Travis very much. We aren’t going anywhere. Now, go to sleep, little one. You’ll be a grumpy girl tomorrow if you don’t.”