This Cruel Love

“What’s going on is that I put all my trust in someone and they’ve fucked me over big time. But I guess I should get used to people being untrustworthy, shouldn’t I? Like you said, turn your back and someone’s always there, ready to stab you in it.”

He went to step forward to

wards me, but I took a step back.

“And you know what else? I’m done with being the pawn in your macho little games. I’m out.”

“I’m not playing any games,” he argued, but who was he kidding? He was the biggest game player of them all. Everything he did was to get back at Justin, or to make me suffer.

“Oh, yes you do, and I don’t want to be a part of whatever this is anymore. Daisy, can I stop at yours tonight?” I asked.

She nodded and Lisa flagged a passing cab down for us to take.

“I’ll be back in the morning to collect my stuff. I would say it’s been fun, but it really hasn’t.”

I turned my back on Jackson, Cillian, and the club, and climbed into the cab with my friends. Turned out my intuition had been right all along. My night was an epic one. An epic failure of devastating proportions.

I watched her cab pull away from the kerb and felt a strange pulling sensation deep down in my gut. That was it then, it was all over. Tomorrow, life would go back to what it’d been before, or some semblance of my old life. Whatever that would look like after she’d blown into my world and turned everything I truly believed on its head.

“What’s the plan now?” Cill came to stand next to me, his usual jokey persona absent. He sounded despondent.

“There is no plan. Not anymore. She’ll move out tomorrow and all this will be over.”

“No plan?” He huffed, annoyed at my response. “You’ve always got a fucking plan. Come on, what are you gonna do? And please don’t tell me you still want to fuck her over like you did to her brother, because the way I’m feeling right now, I’ll kick your ass myself.”

I gritted my teeth at his self-righteousness. He might be my best friend, but I would still kick his ass for being disrespectful.

“It’s finished. I’m done. She can go on and live her life. I won’t stand in her way when she leaves. It’s time I moved on.”

Cill stepped in front of me, no doubt ready to call bullshit, or try to get me to own up to some other fucked up scheme I’d cooked up since Ryley agreed to stay.

“It’s been what… fifteen… sixteen years of you sitting on some revenge plan and you’re just giving up that easy? Nah, I don’t buy it.”

He took two or three deep breaths in through his nose and studied my face before he spoke again.

“You like her, don’t you? That’s why you’ve shelved the plan. That’s why you cut off Ed and bad-mouthed him to anyone who’d listen.”

“I cut off Ed because of what he did. He went into her apartment at three a.m. when she was, for all intents and purposes alone, and he scared the shit out of her. He did that in my name. I don’t do business like that, not where women are concerned.”

He shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest mockingly.

“Do you honestly think that what you’d got in store for Ryley, to get back at her family, was any better? Face it, you’re no better than Ed. Only difference is, you’ve recognised that what you were gonna do was fucked up, and you’ve done a one-eighty. I get it, I do. I like her too, but you know what? I’m not scared to admit it.”

“It doesn’t matter what you or I think. She’s leaving. She can do what she wants. I’m not her keeper. She’s not mine.”

“She’s not his now either. Jesus, will you get your head out of your ass for just a second and see what this could be?”

“It’s nothing.”

“It could be something. Aren’t you even the slightest bit curious about what could happen between the two of you if you put yourself out there? Don’t you want to try and find out what it would be like to be with her? She’s awesome. Listen, I know you better than you think. You’re a closed off, moody shit. I get that that’s your thing, but since she came on the scene, you’ve changed. You’ve been… different. Hell, I don’t know how to explain it, I’m not a chick.”

“Maybe I’ve just learned to let go of the anger?” I argued.

“Yeah, because sixteen years of waiting for that chance to get the revenge you’ve lusted after since we were on the streets, that’s just gonna up and vanish. You’ve grown a conscience, and it’s because of her. It’s not a bad thing, but it’s happened. You have to acknowledge that at least. Tell me, why did you wait so long to start all this?” he asked.

“I told you, I needed to be financially secure. I needed the power behind me. People I could use. Her family, her father; he’s no pushover. Jesus, what am I saying? This doesn’t even matter anymore.”

I went to walk back into the club and up to my office, my sanctuary from the world below. But Cill wasn’t finished with me yet. He wasn’t giving up any time soon.