This Cruel Love

“Call Luca,” I instructed. “He can have this buried by the morning. I know he’s not you

r favourite person, but he’ll do it for me. He’ll do it for Ryley, if you explain what’s happened.”

Cill pulled his phone out of his pocket and started dialling without any argument. I knew leaving Cill and Luca’s men in charge of the clean-up would have zero come back on me, on any of us. They knew what they were doing; they were the experts.

I scooped her tiny body into my arms, making sure the clinically white bed sheets covered her, and the sin that’d been committed tonight.

“You okay to drive us?” I asked Ben.

He just nodded and walked solemnly out of the room. It was his first time witnessing this level of violence, I could tell. He looked about ready to throw up or pass out.

“You’ll be okay cleaning this up?” I asked again, looking down at the blood on the floor and the sicko that lay slumped in the middle of it all.

“You know I will. It’s not my first rodeo.” Cill smiled sadly. “Just look after her first, please. She’s precious.”

Ben opened the back door of his car and nodded down at the angel in my arms.

“You can lay her back there,” he said, but the thought of her being alone there made me feel sick.

“I’m not letting her go,” I snapped at him. “I’ll sit in the back with her.”

I cradled her in my arms, as Ben drove at a ridiculously slow speed back to my place. All the while I whispered in her ear how sorry I was, how much I’d let her down. If only I’d followed her out of the room when she stormed off, none of this would’ve ever happened. She was my responsibility. Mine. I told her as much. I also assured her that I’d never let her down again. Over my dead body would anyone ever hurt her; not while there was still breath in my body.

She didn’t move, her beautiful, delicate face rested peacefully against my chest. Her hair had lost its straight style from earlier and her curly waves were now hanging over my arm. I looked down at her and knew I’d die for this woman. I’d do anything for her. The feelings had crept up on me so slowly, I hadn’t realised how strong they were until tonight, until I’d been faced with the prospect of really losing her.

I gave Ben directions to my apartment, and he pulled up to the entrance and jumped out of his seat to open the back door for us.

“Thanks. I’ve got it from here,” I said, as I got out with her still in my arms. I didn’t want him coming in with us. I didn’t want anyone else with us.

“I’ll help you with the doors,” he offered, but I told him no.

“How else are you gonna get her inside?” he argued. “I get that you don’t want to let her go, but you can’t open every door with her still in your arms.” Then quietly, with his head down, he sighed. “I love her too, you know.”

It felt like a knife in my heart to hear him say those words. She wasn’t his to love, she was mine. I wanted to push past him and get her as far away from him as I could. But in reality, I knew I couldn’t hold on to her and get her safely inside. I had to swallow my pride and admit I needed help to get through the building and upstairs.

Ben and I travelled up in the lift in silence, and when we pushed through the last door into my apartment, I turned and thanked him, but told him to leave.

“I’ll stop by tomorrow to see how she is.” Ben looked at her with a longing that made my stomach knot and refuelled my anger. I needed him gone, before he got a taste of the rage still simmering inside me.

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him to fuck off, but I pushed it down. Instead, I chose to kick the front door closed in his face. Locking him out and us in; separating us both from the cruel world outside.

I kissed her on the head as I carried her into her room. Then I lay her on the bed and stroked her curls out of her face. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. Even tonight, after everything she’d been through, she still took my breath away. Her long, delicate eyelashes fanned over the top of her soft cheeks. Her full pink lips open slightly as she breathed gently. I prayed she’d wake up with no memories of whatever that fucked up monster had done to her in that room, but I knew that’d be wishful thinking. It wasn’t just her body he’d tainted, it was her mind too.

“No one will ever hurt you again,” I whispered.

I don’t know if she’d heard me, and maybe I was saying it more for myself than for her, but I needed to say it. I’d do whatever it took to help her, get her the counselling she needed to heal. I’d be there for her every step of the way. I knew more than anyone how cruel men could be. It was why I’d built walls of steel around me, why I was the hard-faced, cold asshole I was. It made me a winner, a survivor in this jungle. I could be cruel too, but even I had a code. I had my limits. Lovall was one of those rare breed of fuckers who had no code whatsoever. I’d never hurt a woman in my life, no matter how much they pissed me off, but he did, and on a weekly basis according to the talk on the underground. There was a special place in hell reserved for the likes of Lovall, and I felt some vindication that I’d been the one to send him there.

I took a seat in the corner of her room and watched her sleep, ready to soothe her should she wake up and need me. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out to see a message from Cill.

Cillian: Clean up sorted. Luca’s men took out the trash. How is she?

I typed out a response, letting him know that she was still out of it. He replied instantly, telling me she’d probably be under the spell of the drugs for another few hours at least.

I wasn’t sure if staying in her room watching over her was the right thing, but I didn’t want to leave her alone. Have her waking up to a dark, empty apartment, frightened with no one to comfort her the moment she needed it. I wanted to tell her when she did wake up, that she’d never ever have to see him again. That I’d dealt with it. That she was forever safe with me.

I woke up to a banging head, like a sledgehammer had been embedded into my temple. My whole body was aching and stinging like hell, and I felt disorientated about where I was. My throat was gritty and raw, and I could’ve downed gallons of water. I was so unnaturally thirsty, beyond dehydrated. Cautiously, I narrowed my eyes to look around the darkened room, and was surprised to find myself back at home. Well, Jackson’s home. What the hell had happened to me last night? I tried to delve into the darkest recesses of my brain and recall any tiny shred of a memory, but all I could remember were vague flashbacks of the evening. I remembered arguing with Jackson, and walking away from him to drink at the bar in the reception hall. Then I saw Mason Lovall in my mind, spilling my drink and being a clingy asshole. After that, it was all a blur.

I tried to pull myself up into a sitting position in the bed, but my upper arms and chest were stinging, and felt painful and weak. Had I been in an accident?