“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude,” I snapped, and turned to leave the sickening scene, almost tripping over my own feet in my rush to get away.
“Ryley wait.” Jackson chased after me into the living area and jogged ahead, grabbing my arm to stop me in my tracks.
“That wasn’t what you think.” He nodded over to the kitchen, then looked at me with pain etched into the furrow of his brow.
“It’s none of my business. You can have who you want here. Really, I don’t care,” I lied.
He sighed, looking both tired and conflicted, like he was at odds with himself. I didn’t want to be the reason he couldn’t move on with whoever he wanted. I didn’t want this silly infatuation I seemed to have developed to become something ugly between us. I was big enough and strong enough to let it go. At least I thought I was, but having him standing in front of me, looking so handsomely delicious and contrite, I just couldn’t stop myself from wishing he could be mine. What if I had read this all wrong? What if this could be something?
“I should’ve told you.” He looked guilty now, but he still held my gaze. “Chloe and Luca told me about Amanda. I thought I’d reach out to her.”
I really didn’t want to know the details, but he wasn’t letting go of my arm anytime soon.
“She’s a therapist. I thought I’d invite her round, see if she could help you. That’s all this is, Ryley. She’s a counsellor. Nothing else. She helped Chloe after the whole kidnapping bullshit from last year, and I think she can help you too. I should’ve told you. I shouldn’t have sprung this on you.”
I could hear what he was saying, but a part of me was still questioning what other role he hoped this woman would play in his life.
“You looked pretty cosy in there.” I studied his face as I said this, trying to find a tell-tale flinch or flash of anything that would hint at his having feelings for this woman.
“She’s a counsellor I contacted for you. That’s all this is.”
At that moment Amanda came out of the kitchen, with her impeccable hair cascading down her back, and her model thin figure sashaying as she walked toward us. She placed her perfectly manicured hand on Jackson’s forearm, and I felt my shoulders tighten. I didn’t like her touching him. It took everything I had in me not to bat her hand away.
“I’ll go, let you two talk it over. You have my number, Jackson,” she purred, and I wanted to drag her out of the apartm
ent myself, but then she reached over and touched my arm. “Ryley, I know things are tough for you right now. Just know, I’m here if you need to talk. I can come here to your apartment if that’s easier for you, or you can come and see me at my offices. Bring Jackson along if you need him there too. It’s hard to trust anyone after what you’ve been through, but talk to Chloe. You know you can trust her, right? She has all my credentials, and hopefully she can put your mind at ease about my intentions.”
I nodded like the dumbass I felt. Maybe I was wrong about this girl. Chloe wasn’t a fool, and she wasn’t a backstabber either. I’d always thought I was a good judge of character, but lately I couldn’t trust my own instincts. Maybe it was time I started taking the advice of those around me.
“Thanks,” I managed to gasp out of my dried, closed-up throat. “I’ll have a think about it and give you a call.”
She smiled and squeezed my arm before turning to leave.
“I’m so sorry.” I hung my head, expecting some kind of reprimand for how I’d behaved.
“You don’t have to apologise, angel. I fucked up. I should never have invited a stranger into our home.”
His use of ‘our’ wasn’t lost on me. I looked up to see him biting his lip. Instantly, I wanted to launch myself on him. I wanted to bite his lip too, and suck it. God, I’d got it bad for this man.
“Do you like her?” I couldn’t stop it rolling off my tongue.
“Fuck no. I’m not interested in her, Ryley. I swear.” He was being sincere; at least I hoped he was.
“And what about me?” My heart started to pound against my chest, my whole body flooding with adrenaline as I willingly put myself on the line. I couldn’t stand another day of this torture.
“Ryley, I don’t think you’re ready for us to have this conversation. It’s only been a few weeks.” He took a step away from me, but I wasn’t letting him wriggle his way out of this. I needed to know where I stood.
“You don’t want me, do you? Is it because I’m damaged goods? Is that why you keep pulling me in then pushing me away? Why, Jackson? Why don’t you want me?”
He grabbed my shoulders in a death-like grip, his jaw clenched so tight he could’ve cracked his teeth with the pressure. Then he pierced me with that sparkling grey stare of his.
“Is that what you think? That I don’t want you? Fuck, Ryley. You don’t think I spend every night watching you, lost in you. Thinking about what it’d be like to just forget all the shit in our way, and do what I’ve always wanted to do. Bury myself so deep inside you, you’ll never want or need another man again, only me. You think I don’t go to sleep wishing you were lying in my arms, that I could make you mine? I think about nothing else. It’s driving me insane. But I can’t. You need time to heal. You don’t need a man like me.” I watched as he swallowed, realisation of what he’d said out loud registering for both of us.
“But I want that too,” I urged him, begging him to take control. I wanted him to be in control.
“I can’t be gentle with you, Ryley, and that’s what you need. Someone to treat you gently. But I’ve spent months watching you, wanting you so badly it’s fucking up any rational thought I’ve got in my head. I can’t be gentle. I want you too badly.”
“How do you know what I need? I don’t want gentle. Fuck gentle. I want you, Jackson. Every rough edge and hard line. I want you. Not a version of you that you think I can handle, but you. Don’t hold back on me. I need this.”